Listen to the Top 3 Things You Should Know Before Attending a Bulls Game on The Afternoon Shift.
I was fortunate enough to attend last night’s Bulls game against the Milwaukee Bucks— the word fortune being key because that’s how much it costs to take in a ball game nowadays. Pauper that I am, it’s been a while since I’ve been to the United Center, so I was totally unprepared for the cost and the sensory overload. Lucky for you, I’m sharing what you should know before you suit up for a game.
1. It’s outrageously expensive: Be sure to bring a couple of Benjamins because if you want to see the game without a pair of binoculars around your neck, it’ll cost you more than $100 to get in the door. Once you’re in—Lord, have mercy. I have little-to-no will power and become a small child around “merch” and treats: I want a jersey, I want pizza, I want candy, I want a foam finger, I’m definitely going to need one of those noisemakers, I’ll probably want a camera to capture this shameful display and, wait, they’ve got soft-serve ice cream so I’m gonna need a cone too.
2. You’re not going to watch the game: It’s chaos. There are no less than five dance troops, from the classic Luvabulls to a breakdancing trio aptly named the “Breakabulls.” Every time there’s a break in the action, there’s a contest or trivia blurb up on the Jumbotron. And all the while, there’s what can only be described as a rogue circus team shooting t-shirts from a machine gun that I assume was purchased at an American Gladiators fire sale. And don’t get me started on the people watching: Bulls games have become a real who’s-who. Instead of watching Joakim Noah snag his first triple-double, I was gawking at Scottie Pippen rubbing elbows with local real estate mogul Matthew Pritzker, which if you don’t like basketball in the first place is worth the creepy staring. But the ultimate distraction has hands-down got to be Benny the Bull: he’s doing backflips, razzing the players and refs, he’s in the stands, he’s being hurled into the air, he’s on a trampoline, he’s dancing, he’s floating…it’s almost Linsanity.
3. Derrick Rose is a sight to be seen: I watch a lot of basketball—particularly the Bulls. And I’ve never seen anything like Derrick Rose. As a child of the Jordan era, I grew up watching the Greatest; watching Rose, though, is a different animal. Rose defies physics, odds and conventional wisdom. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing like watching Reggie Miller get spanked but I can’t wait to see King James forced to swallow his scepter.