How to write a song for your haters

July 27, 2011

“Friday” singer Rebecca Black and I have a lot in common. We’re both beautiful, talented successful teenagers who were smart enough to use the Internet to spread our message (hers: “Friday is a day of the week.” Mine: “I have an Internet blog”) and our craft.


However, we both suffer the scourge of haters, IE other people who are jealous of us and want to put us down just because we’re awesome and dare to spread our wings.  Basically, we both know what it’s like to be bullied. Each mean blog post comment or Youtube thumbs-down makes us know exactly what those kids who get beat up or ostracized at school must go through.

I’m thinking I’m going to follow in Rebecca’s footsteps and write a song about my haters, both to prove that I’m going to rise above all the internet bigotry they throw at me, and also to rub their noses in the fact that I’m so famous and talented and have such nice hair.

I’ve examined closely the format of the hater song and have come up with the following template. Feel free to utilize it if you need to write a song about your own haters:

VERSE ONE

Here is where you call out your haters. It helps if you have someone specifically in mind who doubted your talents and perhaps even suggested that your new haircut was not that cute. Warn her that you are about to prove her wrong.  

VERSE TWO

Your haters want you to stop what you are doing! They want you to stop dreaming and achieving, probably because they are sad, fat people who don’t want awesome pretty girls like you to succeed. Tell your haters that you are not going to stop being so awesome.

CHORUS

Talk about how you are terrific and not going anywhere and that you are just going to come back stronger and even prettier than before even if people say mean things about you.

VERSE THREE

In Verse One you talked about that one specific friend who dissed your haircut and who maybe spread nasty rumors about what you would and wouldn’t do with certain guys who won’t be named here. Well, forget about that former friend, because you already vanquished her in Verse One. Here is where you address all the haters you’ve never met. They are just angry because they want to be your friend in real life but can’t, since you’re so rad they wouldn’t be able to take it.

CHORUS

BRIDGE

This might be a great place to insert a rap part. If you know an "urban" person, or if someone you know knows an "urban" person, ask them if they can help.

CHORUS

VERSE FOUR

I think just to make your song relatable, you should write this verse to encourage everyone else out there to stand up to their haters and reassure them that they are also awesome, pretty, special, etc. This will make more people like your song, even though they should already like it because you wrote it.

CHORUS

And that’s it! Get that down and you’re sure to have an empowering, inspiring song that will prove you are not just some flash in the pan but are here for the long haul, like, for two years even.  Just remember: if people don’t like you,  they’re just jealous.