A look back at The Great Mix Tape of Horrible Professional Sports Theme Songs

December 28, 2011

Tonight I'm going to my first Blackhawks game in several seasons, which makes me think about how much I love/hate the Blackhawks' song "Here Come the Hawks." It's so dated, so un-hockey, yet it makes me want to do a dance resembling "The Carlton":

Way back in 2007, I asked readers for suggestions of other embarrassingly dated and/or hilarious sports themes and I accumulated them in one epic post. Since then, thanks to the magic of Youtube, I'm sure even more themes have turned up, so if I'm omitting anything, please leave your suggestions (with links, ideally, and what makes the songs so good/bad) in the comments. Go Hawks!

A New Pirate Generation (with lyrics here)

Milwaukee Bucks' "Light It Up" ("The song is minimally altered each year in response to personnel changes.")

Red Wings Disco Theme

"OK Blue Jays (Let's Play Ball!)"

"Here Come the Hawks"

Hail to the Redskins (more offensive for their original lyrics than anything else)

"Bless You Boys" (with lyrics here)

"Meet the Mets"

"Haya Doin'?"

"Only the Bulls"

"Go Get 'Em Tigers" (with lyrics here)

"The Red Sox Mambo"

"Get Metsmerized"

"The Carl Yastrzemski Song; The Yaz Song"

"Hey Hey Hockeytown" (lyrics here)

*The Hartford Whalers' "Brass Bonanza"

*Ministry's ode to the Blackhawks, "Keys to the City"

*"Marlins Will Soar," by Scott Stapp

And possibly my favorite, "Orioles Magic" (with lyrics here)

B sides and Covers:

"World in Motion" (England's 1990 FIFA World Cup Theme)

"Without Stanley" (A delightful Red Wings rap in the style of Eminem)

"Three Lions," the official anthem of the England football team.

"Tigers Back" (A delightful Detroit Lions song in the style of Justin Timberlake)

"We're on the Ball" (a song for the 2002 FIFA World Cup)

The Lansing Lugnuts Song ("Go Nuts"?)

Excellent lyrics to (but no file found for):

"Shake Your Keys" for the Frederick Keys

Chorus:

We're the Frederick Keys
Come on out support your team
Baseball is back in town
You can hear the shaking sound
Bring the family

We're the Frederick Keys
We'll park one in the bleachers
GO KEYS
Come on out and shake them with me
We're the Frederick Keys

Main Verse:

Harry Grove Memorial Stadium means baseball in this town
It's the Frederick celebration you can hear from miles around
The boys of summer working hard as it gets
It's one fun place to be
Let's show the team that we're proud
Let's shout it out loud
HEY, come along with me

St. Louis Cardinals 1978's "We Can Do It":

We can light up your day
And thrill you at night
Put a smile on your face
and make you feel all right

Come on Cardinals,
Victory time is here
Hey, St. Louis, stand up with a cheer
There's nothing to it, we can do it
Hey, St. Louis, we can do it

("It was chirpy and peppy, and it was the end of the Vern Rapp era in the Loo ... until this year's disaster-ridden summer, the worst baseball season ever. The song and team theme was sold or given to Milwaukee by mid-summer.")

And if you haven't had enough, Adidas-sponsored songs by local artists for every Major League Soccer team. (A comprehensive list is included, but  you'll have to find the songs yourself).

*New additions!


The original 2007 post included these thanks and I continue to offer my gratitude: Many, many thanks to Dan Taylor, Drew Willard, D. Danglehoff, Sriram Prakash, Michael Assad, Corey Gallagher, Joe Drogos, Tim Hennessey, James Finn Garner, Craig Barker, MJ Kissel, James Tyler, Will Leitch and the readers at Deadspin.