Hot stove rumor-mill heard on the street: Gadhafi to run Cubs? (please RT)

August 22, 2011

I'm back! Vacation was great. In the last two weeks, I went to Denver, played in two playoff softball games (won both), watched McGruber/HallPass/Horrible Bosses/Unstoppable, visited the Lincoln Park Zoo, ate at the Purple Pig, saw a live stage version of Pinocchio, bought a shirt, went to my wife's high school reunion, hit up a Cubs game, went to the dentist, fixed my car, visited Lake Geneva (twice), went to Dose Market, rode some rides at Santa's Village and chowed down on a roasted pig. No. Big. Deal.

But I'm back in the office today. I've spent considerable time avoiding the news to try and stay fresh. I guess Tripoli is falling, which is pretty crazy. I went to find that story on cable news yesterday afternoon and CNN stopped short of blowing out their coverage so I switched to Fox News which was telling me about how President Obama screwed up by not leading the NATO efforts. No thanks, I went to Twitter. Twitter told me Gadhafi is dead, but he wasn't? So many retweets of someone's shabby information. But now, 16 hours later, the papers say he is missing. Oh, the joy of breaking news. I'm going to start a new style of breaking news: breaking rumors. Huh? Paging Tina Brown? I'll sell my whole concept to the highest bidder.

Here's my first one: Gadhafi may be out of sight because he's in Chicago interviewing for the new Cubs GM? Eh? Huh? Think about it - who would be better to deal with Big Z than a tyrannical dictator? And think of contract restructuring? Soriano doesn't want to take a paycut? Vanquished.

It's good to be back.

B story: All this week, Mayor Rahm Emanuel is celebrating 100 days in office! It will all culminate with a big parade down Michigan Avenue. Oh, wait, this just in. There will be no parade. Because nobody really cares about 100 days. Sorry, let me take that back - the media loves it. I do like Hudzik's story on transparency.

C story: United and Continental Airlines are merging their toys. Yes, United will get the famed "flat bed" seats, which let you recline to a bed. That sounds super gross. Think of all the crumbs and weird particles that will be released when you recline. I don't know about you, but I don't need to be horizontal on a plane. Never once have I thought, "You know, I wish this seat just kept reclining. I just wish I could put my head in this fat guy's lap."

Traffic: There were reports of people just getting out of their cars and essentially tailgating during yesterday's traffic jam on the Dan Ryan. You should do a Hollywood movie called "Traffic Jam" which is all about three different couples in three different areas of the jam. Wait, wasn't that the premise for Grand Canyon?

Hilkevitch has a good story today on driver's frustrations over the reversible express lanes on the Kennedy.

Sports: Tonight, the Chicago Bears play the New York Giants. All eyes on the Bears offensive line. They have underachieved this preseason and they return to the scene of the (regular season) crime where the Giants destroyed the Bears line for 9 sacks and concussed Cutler last season. There are all sorts of headlines, news bits and broadcasts about how the Bears o-line stinks. I am sure time will tell, but can we just chill out and let them play a second preseason game after a lockout? Geesh. Didn't the Bears go to the NFC Championship game last year, in the face of all the local media saying they wouldn't amount to anything? Sometimes I just hate Chicago's sports coverage.

Kicker: I don't miss a beat! Want to catch me live on stage now that I am back from vacay? I am going to guest judge on Impress These Apes tonight at Comedy Sportz. Apes is one of the funniest (and now longer running) comedy shows in Chicago. Steve Gadlin and the Blewt team never cease to amaze. I'm a talent judge, so I have to figure out what kind of talent judge to be. I see myself as a mix of the Italian guy on Dancing with the Stars and Judge Judy. Come on out. Show is at 8pm.