Blagojevich house for sale. Let's help spruce up the listing

October 3, 2011

The famed Blagojevich McBungalow went on the market for over $1 million dollars. The house, located in Ravenswood Manor, is listed as:

One of the largest homes in the neighborhood. Built like a fortress, this 5 br 3 ba, home has over 3,800 sq ft. of living area plus a 2,200 sq ft basement with gym. 3 fireplaces, incredible crown molding, steam and radiant heat in the rehabbed baths, music room and library, huge master suite. Truly unique for the area. This home has an enormous amount of storage space.

This will not get it sold. There's not enough pop in this description. After all, we're talking about one of the more notorious houses in Chicago political history. If it weren't so far north, it would be on the architectural river tour. The house is actually valued for much lower, but the million dollar price tag no doubt takes into account who lived there. But if you were really going to sell this house, why not list the amenities?

  • Built in mult box (audio input for reporters) and podium in front lawn
  • Escape tunnel in basement (next to gym equipment)
  • Close to parks, schools, lawyers
  • Industrial strength hair dryers hardwired into building
  • Alderman Dick Mell comes with the house
  • In the music room, an unfinished sonnet dedicated to juror #11
  • Recording devices in the house to monitor kids
  • Extra large bathrooms for hiding
  • 12 volume set of ethical statutes in Illinois Government (untouched)
  • Gold windows, gold rims, gold gutter. Yes, this house is F*&^in golden.
  • Steps from the "L"

So why not make an appointment? Set it up with Patricia Blagojevich. She'll be showing the house. Her house. And please, add to the list in the comment section. Best suggestion gets a Car Talk mug.