Requested additions to the new Illinois doctor database

October 21, 2011

“Illinois patients can now research their doctors using an online database the state launched Wednesday. . . . There, patients can learn about a doctor's educational background and training, determine what type of insurance they accept and find out what languages are spoken in the office.” — Chicago Tribune

Other things that should be included in the database:

— Number of contagious people in waiting room.

— Which wireless companies get coverage in examination room you’re led into 45 minutes before doctor will see you.

— Will doctor let you listen to his heartbeat if you ask nicely?

— Bedside manner rating. Specifically: Does doctor comprehend that human beings can feel pain and/or sadness?

— Who the most-recent issue of People magazine in the waiting room says Jennifer Aniston is with: Justin Theroux? Gerard Butler? John Mayer? Vince Vaughn? Brad Pitt? Adam Duritz? 

— How good of a reason does doctor need for prescribing sleep medication?

— Does the office accept Carte Blanche?

— Does Doctor watch “House” for tips?

— Type of whiskey poured on gunshot wounds.

— The last decade in which doctor admitted a mistake.

— If doctor could operate on one person from history, who would it be? And why?

— Percentage of appointments that end in rectal exam. 

(I'll be writing the state with these ideas, so if you have other ideas, let me know and I'll pass them along too.)