What I wish the Golden Globe nominees had said

December 16, 2011

Yesterday, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association announced its Golden Globe nominations. And the publicists for the nominated celebrities released all the predictable reactions, such as: "I'm honored to be nominated by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association today." — Leonardo DiCaprio

Just once, it’d be nice to hear honest reactions from celebrities about being nominated for an award show- and from an association - that are both considered less than serious.

Here’s what I wish some of the nominees’ reactions had been:

Meryl Streep: “Being nominated for a Golden Globe is something I will cherish and remember for the entire time period up until the Oscar nominations are announced.”

Brad Pitt: “Thank you, Hollywood Foreign Press Association. To nominate me despite neither understanding baseball or movies took courage.”

Woody Allen: “I don’t attend award shows. Please, however, send the gift bag to …”

Leonardo DiCaprio: “To be nominated by your peers is one of the most gratifying things you can ask for as an actor. But it’s nothing compared to being nominated by people who attend junkets for the free food.”

George Clooney: “I’d like to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for waking me up at 6 a.m. to tell me something so completely inconsequential. Every year on this day, it’s like I have a three-year-old.”

Angelina Jolie: “Christ, not again.”