The Paper Machete Interview: Anderson Lawfer IS Christopher Piatt

August 11, 2011

Christopher Piatt is going out of town, so there's a new man in town hosting this week's The Paper Machete: Anderson Lawfer, who you will soon find out, has some complex feelings about his name. Lawfer writes the very funny website Reviews You Can Iews, where he reviews stuff with Eric Roach. Lawfer is also an actor and hilarious person about town, and he host of The Game Show Show...and Stuff!

4:52 PM Kate: Hey Andy. Back from errands?
 Anderson: hey babyface!
  yep.
  i went invisible, ok?
4:53 PM Kate: I'm only visible for you. So I get the impulse
4:54 PM And it is Andy right? I feel like I want to call you Anderson because it's such a dignified name.
 Anderson: yeah, i go by anderson for the press stuff, but you cancall me andy
  it just looks cooler
4:55 PM Kate: Andy looks cooler than Anderson? Or vice versa?
 Anderson: versa
  i like Anderson on paper
 Kate: But Dan in real life. Got it.
 Anderson: thats right
4:56 PM Kate: So tell me all about being a new new Christopher this weekend.
  This is somewhat unprecedented, no?
  As far as I'm aware, he's never not been at The Paper Machete.
 Anderson: Right, this is his first one away.
4:57 PM The way I am looking at it is:
  You remember when you were a little kid and maybe your Mom had to run out for an emergency?
4:58 PM Maybe somebody was in an accident or...she was gonna bang the mailman and she maybe left you alone with the first neighbor she could find for an hour or so.
 Kate: Right of course.
 Anderson: Well, I get to be the creepy neighbor.
 Kate: Ohhhhh.
4:59 PM I was wondering where this analogy was going.
 Anderson: So, basically, we will play some games, tell a couple stories and try not to die.
5:00 PM Kate: Ooooooo games.
 Anderson: Maybe.
  Maybe a balloon animal or two.
5:01 PM There WILL however be touching.
  And from what I hear, they have BBQ food there.
5:02 PM Kate: So you haven't even been to the Horseshoe.
  And I thought we were getting a professional creepy neighbor.
5:03 PM Anderson: I have been there before, but I think it was to actually eat or drink...Never to listen.
 Kate: Hmmm.
5:04 PM Anderson: Don't hmmm me.
  Just kidding.
 Kate: No, fair.
  That hmm had attitude,
  So tell me a little bit about your previous Machete experiences.
  NOT at the Horseshoe.
5:05 PM Anderson: Well, my friend and confidant Eric Roach and I are genuine Chicago Theatre Legends and have a blog called "Eric and Andy's Reviews You Can Iews" where we discuss issues of the day affecting people like us.
5:06 PM So Piatt has invited us in the past to lament on certain hot-button agenda items, such as The Armageddon Scare and where to buy cheap sandals.
5:07 PM Well, we have always had a great time, but due to a conflict, Eric is having surgery around his...
  Eric can't be there.
  So I am gonna wing it by myself.
5:08 PM Kate: Oh, well let's just fill in the obvious and say that Eric slipped and fell in some very cheap sandals and is now having Achilles Heel surgery.
 Anderson: Yeah, that sounds good.
5:09 PM I feel like in the future we should capitalize Cheap Sandals.
  I think it's a thing.
 Kate: Make it a movie
  They Were the Cheapest of Sandals.
 Anderson: That movie sounds deeply uninteresting.
5:10 PM Kate: Fine! Be that way.
  Usually Christopher/Ali do a lot of the figuring out what people will be talking about
  Will it be tv dinners for us aka recycled materials because you're around?
 Anderson: NO WAY!
5:11 PM Listen to me, woman.
5:12 PM Kate: Yea, that's a good way to get my attention.
 Anderson: This is going to be the freshest, hottest, wildest Paper Mache show you have ever seen.
 Kate: Yea around the office here we like to call it The Papier-mâché
5:13 PM So maybe you're new-and-improved version of The Paper Machete can be called that.
 Anderson: Yeah!
  The next time I guest host something, I will definitely call it that.
  Whatever it is.
5:14 PM Jeez, I wish Eric was here.
  He's better at talking to broads.
 Kate: Are you putting a damper on your chatty talk because I am (presumably) female?
 Anderson: No no. Girls are cool, I guess.
5:15 PM I am looking at your facebook page right now. You wear a lot of red clothes.
5:16 PM Kate: I in fact do not, so I can assume you've found my identical twin sister who's a bit of a lush.
 Anderson: Yep. That's her.
5:17 PM Kate: So what else are you doing this weekend besides burning the Horseshoe down and then covering the whole thing in Papier-mâché?
 Anderson: Well, I have another little show I host called The Game Show Show...and Stuff!
5:18 PM It's a live interactive game show, and we have some dates coming up that we are getting ready for.
  So a few rehearsals and meetings and what-nots.
 Kate: Seriously.
  SERIOUSLY.
5:19 PM Since you're the irresponsible babysitter, you're supposed to tell me that you're going to a rave for hobbits, not that you're doing more work.
 Anderson: OH SNAP!
5:20 PM Yeah, well,besides those rehearsals you mean? Basically just mugging the elderly and stealing dogs.
  Or the other way around.
5:21 PM Kate: Steal the dog first, mug the elderly later.
  Right.
 Anderson: HELLLLL YEAH!
5:22 PM Kate: Well awesome to talk to you and good luck Saturday. Hopefully you'll get better at talking to ladies, as I hear there might be one or two in the show.
 Anderson: Oh no. Seriously?
5:23 PM Have a great night!
 Kate: And they look like this...
  

  (this is the first thing I found when I google imaged woman)
 Anderson: ahhha
5:24 PM Kate: Also lots of Wonder Woman.
 Anderson: no porn?
 Kate: This is a family friendly site.
  I'm not, but this is.
 Anderson: It's a slow porn day, anyway.
5:25 PM It would mostly just be filler.
 Kate: Fair.
  
  Have a good night, and thanks for your time.
5:27 PM Anderson: thank you.
  hope to meet you in real life one day!
 Kate: Eh, it's overrated.
  Me, not real life.
 Anderson: ok, well ...
  see you in hell
  thanks again!