Christopher: What are you talking about in Saturday's Machete?
Mrs. Piatt: My topic is small town USA. The idiosyncrasies and charms of living in a very small place.
Mr. Piatt: Technology. The idiosyncrasies and charms of trying to stay no more than five generations behind the current technology.
(Mrs. Piatt, disgusted that Mr. Piatt has mocked her description of her own essay, slaps his arm.)
Christopher: Do you listen to The Paper Machete podcast?
Mrs. Piatt: I can't say I listen every week. But I listen when my son doesn't think I need to be protected from the content. Like, when you say, "Dad, mom doesn't need to hear this week's show."
Mr. Piatt: The podcast is awesome. It allows me to stay in touch with the cynical side of society.
Christopher: What comedians make you laugh?
Mrs. Piatt: I think Jim Carey's funny. I think Ellen's funny. I've warmed up to Steve Martin, although I never thought I would. Tina Fey. That's enough.
Mr. Piatt: How could you beat George Carlin? Louis Nye
. He was before your time. You'd know him if you saw him. From the Steve Allen Show. "Hi ho, Steve-a-rino." Tom Poston.
Christopher: Tom Poston from Newhart?
Mr. Piatt: Yeah. And Bob Newhart.
Christopher: What celebrity guest would you be most impressed with if I booked him/her to perform in the Machete?
Mrs. Piatt: At one point I would have said Oprah, but I'm disillusioned with Oprah. Her TV station isn't what I hoped it would be. So Rachel Maddow.
Mr. Piatt: Jon Stewart.
Christopher: What heretofore unforgiven incident from my childhood would you officially forgive if I were to book that person?
Mrs. Piatt: The time you left Scrappy (the famously terrorizing family Piatt schnauzer) in the house all day instead of letting him outside, and he ate the head off my stuffed goose my crafty friend Mary made, and scattered the chewed up bunting all over the house.
Mr. Piatt: The time you practiced forging my signature about 50 times on a late-to-school note from "me," and then left the notebook with all your practice signatures out on the kitchen counter.
Christopher: I know you love visiting Chicago. But are there any things about city life you find ridiculous?
Mr. Piatt: The night I couldn't get a Beefeater martini in a restaurant because they only had organic gin. Also, if the black hole of Calcutta had a shopping mall, it would be Navy Pier.
Mrs. Piatt: What people are willing to pay for a cup of coffee. Their (unironic Annie Hall inflection) laddi-dah lattes.
The Paper Machete
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