Steve Heisler finds the truth behind Adam Sandler

March 8, 2012

February 26, 2012, the day of the Academy Awards, ended with a few happy winners, and plenty more unhappy losers. For most, this meant they had to fake a smile on TV and then were ignored in favor of the bright, bold star sitting a few seats away from them.

But there was loser who didn't seem like he had much to be unhappy about, and that loser was Adam Sandler. The day before, Sandler's critically lambasted movie Jack and Jill  was nominated for 12 Razzies, a new Razzie record. Time will tell if he will attend the ceremony like Sandra Bullock did in 2010 when she won for All About Steve (right before winning her Best Actress Oscar for The Blind Side).

But back to Sandler: 24 hours after losing so terribly, there he was, featured in a set of prerecorded interviews with celebrities that aired during the awards show, discussing his philosophy about making movies. "I’m eventually trying to, one day, tell the truth," said Sandler. "I don’t know if I’m ever going to get there, but I’m slowly letting pieces of myself out there and then maybe by the time I’m 85, I’ll look back and say, "All right, that about sums it up."'

But comedian Steve Heisler doesn't think that sums anything up. Read an excerpt of his thoughts or listen below:

"These days, Adam Sandler looks like he constructed a scarecrow version of himself, then stuffed that version full of really sweaty money. I’m not just talking about his general Jew-y schlubiness. It’s just that he looks like he did when he was younger, only like he’s been touched by a lot of different hands.

And after this week, I can only assume that he looks like that because he has been out, living life, getting handled, in pursuit of the truth.

Because, do you remember the Oscars? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL they were so bad. But the worst part was also the most perversely hilarious. The Oscars broadcasters decided to create a montage featuring Very Important Film People Talking About Very Important Things. Steve Carell wondered, 'What makes a person laugh? What makes a person cry? What makes a person feel anything?' This was going to be a moment when the collective Oscars handjob started to feel like a hand-'when you love your job, it doesn’t feel like work.'

But the producers of the telecast had other plans. They ended on Adam Sandler, wearing a tracksuit that would make my nana jealous."

This Saturday at the Horseshoe, expect performances by Colleen Doyle and friends, Monica Reida, Eric and Andy, Paul Oakley Stovall, Vallea Woodbury, Josh Zagoren as Chad the Bird and music from Maria McCullough as well as the Bama Lamas. Featuring Dr. William Ayers with a story about his most recent Super Bowl party, attended by the late Andrew Breitbart.

The Paper Machete is a weekly live magazine at the Horseshoe in North Center. It's always at 3 p.m., it's always on Saturday, and it's always free. Get all your The Paper Machete Radio Magazine needs filled here, or download the podcast from iTunes here.