Open letter to Ricketts family: scrap the 7th inning stretch (and other suggestions)

August 25, 2009

The news that the Chicago Cubs have been sold to the Ricketts family has prompted several stories about what we will see from the organization in the future. Will there be improvements to the ball club? How about the facilities? Photo by Renee Rendler-Kaplan We turned to our official "Cubs Fan" at the station Jason Marck to give us his top 5 suggestions on improving Cub Nation. Top 5 improvements for the Cubs/Wrigley Field From an unapologetic (but completely disgusted by the team this year) 4th generation Cubs fan. 1. Install new men's room facilities. "The Trough," as its known, may be a part of baseball lore, but it's one of the worst places to try to relieve yourself. Not only in baseball, but in the world. If you've never been there, the first comparison that pops into my mind is that first scene from Slumdog Millionaire. 2. Get rid of what I refer to as "The So-Called Fans", aka, "The A@@ Clowns". First of all, the only people on the planet who should be wearing their baseball hat backwards are catchers. They do it because they have to"¦or the mask won't fit. Everyone else, put "Ëœem on forwards and straight. Any fool wearing a backwards hat should not be allowed into the park or will be ejected if seen turning it around. Also falling into this category are all Chads, Trixies, and anyone else who's not there to really watch the game. I know. I understand. Wrigley is THE GREATEST BALLPARK IN THE WORLD, a shining green emerald in the middle of a densely-packed urban setting, a historic landmark. Thus, it's a magnet for people who aren't hard-core baseball fans. But if you're not there to watch the game, don't come out. Or take the tour when the team is on the road. Along with the backwards-hat thing, anyone who doesn't have a medical condition that gets up more than 1 time per game needs to be ejected. 3. No More Take Me Out To The Ballgame. Enough already. The 7th inning stretch is a wonderful ritual. When Harry Caray was alive, it was great. For the first couple of years after he passed, it was a nice tribute. But the 3rd and 4th tier celebrities (and I use that word loosely) who have absolutely no connection to the team or the city of Chicago, and in many cases don't know jack about baseball or EVEN THE WORDS TO THE SONG"¦.I just can't take it anymore and it's pathetic. Play a recording of Harry doing it, or have Santo do it. Everyone else, is banned. (Particularly Jim Belushi. The guy's a jinx. Every time he sings it we lose. According to Jim may have made him a ton of money, but I don't think it has elicited a single laugh from anyone with an IQ over 25. Show's not funny. Jim's not funny.) 4. Bring back a kosher dog. When the venerable Chicago-based Best Kosher was shut down last year by it's mothership food conglomerate Sara Lee (don't even get me started with THAT), Wrigley Field lost its only kosher dog. And they didn't replace it. Kosher hot dogs are all beef, and they're tastier than the other ones. A ballpark without a kosher dog is not a proper ballpark. It's un-American and borderline anti-semitic. 5. Fire just about everyone. You can keep Lee, Aramis, Theriot, Soto, Hill, Fukudome, Johnson, Hart, and Lily. You can get rid of everyone else. Too many "stars". Too many egos. Too much salary that the team is locked into for years to come. Too many guys with bad fundamentals, no heart, and no hustle. I'm lookin' at you Soriano. Notice the teams that have won a world series over the last 20 years"¦.White Sox, St. Louis, Florida, Anaheim, etc. These teams had maybe one big star. The rest were guys who just played like a team and did their jobs and got it done. Each day would bring a new hero. Each game would have a real defensive gem that would spark a rally on the offensive side. This team has nothing remotely like that. I just can't believe that we've got 5 more weeks of this misery. -- So, how bout you? Do you have an improvement you would like to add to the list? We want your thoughts about the team, the facilities, the neigbhorhood or anything else you can fathom.‚  Leave them here and we will put them in one place for the Ricketts family to absorb.