Some surprising things I learned about Benny the Bull at least night's Bulls game

April 17, 2012

Last night I attended my first Bulls game in several years (wouldn't you know it, I picked a bad one.) In the old, Michael-Jordan days, Benny the Bull was an innocuous mascot who amused children, perhaps sometimes made slam dunks off a trampoline, and entertained the crowd, albeit in a tertiary, sub-Luv-a-Bulls way. Last night though it became clear that the Benny of 2012 has a whole new 'tude, one that I was not prepared for. Here are some of his personality aspects that may prevent him from running for office in the future:

Benny is very influential.
Apparently last night was Benny's birthday, and all the ticket takers and Luv-A-Bulls were wearing birthday hats in his honor.

Benny fraternizes with the mascots of other teams.
A coyote, a wolf and a few other forgettable fuzzy mascots were in attendance for his big day. They rappelled down from the ceiling, which seemed very dangerous.

Benny cheats.
During the halftime entetainment, when he competed against his other mascots, Benny broke the rules, which did not seem very sportsmanlike.

Benny is wasteful.
Benny dumped several giant bags of popcorn on a lady’s head.

Benny is a bit of a pervert.
During our time at the game, Benny violently made out with a Luv-A-Bull, absconded with a fan on his back, and, on the Jumbo-Tron, flashed from behind a raincoat one of the Wizards who was making a free throw.

Make no mistake about it, this was all highly entertaining but at the same time, it makes me wonder about how Staley and Southpaw will attempt to keep up with these shenanigans in the future. I hope we don't have any Britney Spears-type mascot meltdowns in the future.