What is up with 5:30 a.m.?

April 4, 2012

I need a scientist to explain this to me. So, I have been happily living my life relatively unhindered by seasonal allergies, thanks to a long relationship with allergy shots, Allegra and Nasonex. I ceased the shots a few years ago and learned, once I became pregnant, that Allegra is on the Do Not Take!!!!! list. “No problem, I’ll just take Claritin instead,” I thought, (since Claritin is on the You Can Take This And Not Ruin Your Baby list, plus Claritin sounds more like my name than Zyrtec does, although Zyrtec isn’t too far off.)

Claritin isn’t cutting it, however. And now the issue that’s bothering me isn’t so much my watering eyes and snotty nose but the rhyme and reason for when my allergies act up.

Every morning at 5:30 a.m. I wake up and my sinuses begin tickling, and then (sorry, this is gross), begin filling up with fluid, which also makes my eyes tickle. I try to keep my sneezing to a dull roar and begin the Sisyphean task of trying to blow my nose to completion. I'll go to the bathroom and try to fix things by taking a useless Claritin and then flushing saline solution up my nostrils, which is never fun, but especially at 5:30 a.m. I'll head back to bed and lie on my back in an attempt to just send everything down my throat.

Then, as if on cue, this one stupid bird outside my window starts yelling.

I would just like an explanation as to a) why the allergies kick in exactly at that time each morning? And b) what kind of bird IS that and why does he have to start going at such a dumb time? Clearly all the other birds are still asleep in their holes or caves or whatever, sleeping until a more normal time.

Is there possibly a conspiracy theory afoot, like the bird is just "helping" me wake up and flush my sinuses in case my own discomfort isn’t a good enough wake up call? Or the bird has also been awakened by pressure in his own beak?

Help me out, environmental geniuses. I need to know what's going on in the atmosphere at that time of morning to awaken both my nose and that damn bird.