Rielle Hunter could use a friend (but it shouldn’t be you)

June 28, 2012

Rielle Hunter (whom you may know as the mother of John Edwards’ youngest acknowledged child) is newly single, which means that the lady could probably use a shoulder to cry on. I would like to advise you, however, against becoming Rielle Hunter’s new pal. No matter how bad you feel for her, I am just going to say it: I don’t think she would be a very good friend. Here’s why:

When you’re friends with Rielle, it’s always going to be her drama. Do you think Rielle is really going to sit and listen to you talk about your day or your problems? She might, for a second, but then she’s going to go on again about how Johnny won’t pay child support, or about how those ladies on The View were so mean to her, or how her tell-all book isn’t selling enough. This relationship is going to be very one-sided.

Rielle is not going to give you good advice. From getting involved with Edwards to deciding that the country would be sympathetic to her side of the story to providing her child with a nice public account of the way she came into existence, do you really want Rielle's input on your relationship or financial woes? Whatever your situation, Rielle’s input would probably be something along the lines of “Set it on fire!!” I feel like you could ask someone better, like your mom, or a hobo.

Rielle probably can’t keep a secret. See: her book and current media tour. The lady doesn’t seem to be much for discretion, so if you’re looking for a friend who will keep mum about the fact that your prizewinning guacamole recipe is actually Martha Stewart’s, or that you did your son’s math homework, it may not be Rielle.

Rielle’s one of those people who thinks “telling the truth” and “being a jerk” are the same thing. "I wrote the book to tell the truth," Hunter said on The View, when defending her call to refer to her boyfriend’s now-dead wife in her book as "crazy," and a "venomous" "witch on wheels.” "What I was told about their marriage along the way, my experience of that – I was truthful about." You don’t need that kind of truth in your life. You might need “Yeah, those pants aren’t that flattering,” kind of truth, but not “I’m going to say horrible things about you in print after I’ve destroyed your life” truth.

Rielle might try to make you buy some candles or crystals or something. Now, not all New Agey folks are like that. Many New Age believers are wonderful people, who, like those of other beliefs, keep their business to themselves. I don’t think Rielle is one of these people, I’m just saying, so save up your money if you want to be her friend because you just know she’s going to drag you to the incense store or to take a swim in the sensory deprivation tank.

Rielle might not be truthful all the time. "I'm not a big believer in infidelity,” Hunter also said on The View. “I’m not a big believer in larceny,” Rielle might also say as she steals your identity and robs your bank account.

You’re going to have to spend the rest of your life explaining to your other friends why you are friends with Rielle Hunter. Because 100% of the population hates her. That in and of itself is not a reason not to be friends with her, but aren’t you too busy to do all that explaining? Just get a dog.

Rielle’s not really a girl’s-girl in general. At least, that’s the impression I’ve gotten from Cate, Emma Claire and Elizabeth Edwards.