The origin story of a really dumb blog post

July 9, 2012

I started writing this post on Friday morning. You remember Friday. It came at the end of a strange, interrupted week, one marked by neverending triple-digit temperatures and thousand-percent humidity. I especially enjoyed that week because my feet expanded to three times their normal size and I lost feeling in my fingers. Good times.

Friday mornings, I am to write my Monday blog post. I was thinking about writing a post about how it’s unfair that moms and moms-to-be get labeled “selfish” for intending to pursue their own interests and desires even after they have kids, even if it’s possible to care for others and be “selfish” at the same time. But, to sum up that idea: blah, blah, blah. Google “selfish mother” and you will find that this topic has been done to death, both by selfish mothers and the victims of selfish mothers. Moms are selfish. Kids are selfish. The internet is full of complainers and finger-pointers, and did I want to join one crowd and taunt another?

Then, naturally, I started thinking about a man named Henry Lizardlover who was featured on The Soup that week. Mr. Lizardlover’s hobby is arranging lizards in humanlike poses on tiny chairs. This is funny. So I started trying to figure out if I could write a post about lizards (and amphibians — I want to be all-inclusive) in chairs. I did an image search and found a lot of photos by Mr. Lizardlover and his colleagues.

I went to use the restroom as I’m wont to do every ten minutes these days, came back to my desk and realized that this was a really stupid idea. I tweeted:


But to my surprise, I received a storm of enthusiastic replies demanding that I follow through on the idea:

They say you can’t fight city hall, nor can you fight the three people on Twitter who express mild interest in a post on lizards (and amphibians!!!!) sitting like people.

Look, we could talk all day about why lizards (and amphibians) sitting in human positions are awesome. (Namely, it’s their stoic expressions and fat bellies.) But talk is cheap. Let’s just enjoy what we all came here for:

The lizard in this Lizardlover photo looks very comfortable on a purple velvet couch, the way any person would be:
 
This lizard in this photo is lounging on a hammock, as if on vacation:
 
The lizard in this photo is just resting, with his eyes open, on a nice four-poster bed with a pretty duvet and pillow. This is where I start wondering not so much about the lizards, but about the tiny furniture itself.
 
See? A different bed. A slightly more exotic, even erotic bed, if you will. Can you blame these lizards for relaxing, based on the life Mr. Lizardlover has provided them?
 
In this picture, Mr. Lizardlover has managed to travel to outer space to capture interstellar lizard-love. How does he do it?!

Also, this is not a Lizardlover joint, but let us not ignore this famous frog (an amphibian, just as I promised!) sitting on a porch. Like a person.

I'm sorry, and you're welcome.