List: Reasons why I'd make a pretty good pope

February 11, 2013

I’d bring new fresh ideas to the Church like putting all the nuns in charge and re-instating the fun-to-say “It is right to give Him thanks and praise” and maybe swapping out the “Peace be with you” handshake for a more hygienic long-distance high-five.

 

I tweet a lot.

There might be a slightly different attitude towards abuse of small children if a former altar server and parent of a small child were in charge.

I like both bread and wine.

Every day of Lent would be Fat Tuesday until Easter.

When pop culture makes fun of Catholicism, instead of embarrassing us by getting all outraged I’ll say something more along the lines of “Okay, you got us, that was pretty good.”

I used to take Italian and Latin.

The Church would be much more inclusive because then when parishes have church parties we could maybe rent out a club instead of having to use the old church rectory basement again.

I look good in hats and dresses.

It’s time for another Polish pope.

I got my flu shot so I’m good to go.