Superman is boring. What’s interesting about a guy who can do everything? Why don’t you just make a movie about God or something, only one that isn’t made by Mel Gibson or features God doing shenanigans like making newscasters talk funny. But seriously, a guy who can do everything is boring, especially if he always could do everything and it’s nothing new. If you just want a movie with a handsome guy in tight underwear, that’s fine, but have him be someone other than Superman.
And he’s from outer space? Ugh. Nothing (and I mean nothing—particularly no good movies) ever came from outer space. Do you know why the movie Inner Space was so good? Because it looked inward, not out into boring old space.
Here’s a funny joke I told my husband about Superman. “I’m allergic to bee stings: they’re my kryptonite. What’s Superman’s kryptonite?”
Perhaps you had to be there.
His outfit will never be cool, no matter how many textures they put on it.
How much money does Superman make? Because Bruce Wayne, when he’s not being Batman, is a rich playboy.
SONGBIRDS OF MERIDA
Saturday I’m running the 
Stephen Rodrick's "
This list was inspired by a spam email I keep getting titled "Three questions that make every women horny," so in case you’re my dad or someone like him, I don’t even know what the word "horny" means, OK?