Sometimes we women buy into a lot of bull when it comes to the business of looking good. Just look at colors: How is it conceivable that the cosmetics world is still inventing shades in which to manufacture nail polish, eyeshadow and lipstick? I suspect they’re not, actually — the companies just slap on new celebrities, taglines and ridiculous adjectives (“ultimate suede,” “moon candy,” “photoready,” “clump crusher,” “smoothwear” and “mega plush” are all nonsense terms cosmetics companies are currently using to sell us product). These companies rely on our collective hope that this next new product will be the thing that saves us from our own decrepitude and ugliness. So many of us are vulnerable to this, even the smartest and most mature of us. And sometimes, aside from the hope, the sillyness is fun. You know how it is.
In praise of caring, but not too much
Dec. 12, 2012There should be only one 'Santa Baby'
Dec. 10, 2012One of my favorite TV shows is Community and one of my favorite episodes of that show was last year’s Christmas musical special, and one of my favorite songs from that particular episode was “Teach Me How to Understand Christmas”:
Clearly the whole sexy dummy Christmas baby bit is a parody of the holiday standby “Santa Baby,” wherein the lady singing takes on a disturbing persona of a whorish infant who sexily begs for expensive toys. For a nice example of how weird this is see Madonna’s version of the song, mostly because the concept of Madonna being cute or asking for something (instead of demanding it) or even condescending to celebrate something so pedestrian and suburban as Christmas is completely alien:
What’s worth noting, however, is that the original recording of the song isn’t nearly as disconcerting.
The Jenny Lawson Interview
Dec. 7, 2012
Today I talk with Jenny Lawson, the proprietress of the beloved and award-winning humor/parenting site The Bloggess, on which she based her bestselling debut book, the darkly funny memoir Let’s Pretend This Never Happened.
Tell me about how Hamlet Von Schnitzel the mouse became the cover of your book.
I just wanted to see if I could publish a book with a dead rodent on the cover. Turns out, you can.
I’ve read that one of the reasons you started your blog was so that you could write a book. Did your journey from blogging to book-publishing go the way you envisioned? What was harder about book-writing than you anticipated?
Omaha Steaks asked, Claire Zulkey answered
Dec. 6, 2012
If the person sitting across from you was a food, what food would he/she be?
A man made of medium-done steak, wearing a suit made of bacon, a shirt of twice-baked potatoes and hair of mustard. A bit of Lawry’s salt would dust his shoulders (because he has steak-man dandruff).
If you could be 16 again, would you?
Can I be 16 but with the personality and knowledge I have now? Because if so, yes. But if not, no thanks. Also, it depends on the steak situation. Could I have the metabolism I had when I was 16, or the steak appreciation I possess now?
Favorite childhood game?
Hide the steak. (I always won.)
How did you get even with your siblings?
Took their steak.
Get it done now or put it off as long as possible?
Get it done now if by “it” you mean “eat the steak.”
If you inherited a house known to be haunted, what would you do with it?
How is this steak-related, exactly? I would probably sell it, for steak money.
The worst pregnancy books
Dec. 5, 2012Hey, Kate Middleton! Congratulations on your pregnancy! I bet that’s sort of a relief, now that all the pressure of getting pregnant is off.
I know you read this blog so I wanted to help guide you as you peruse baby books. There are so many out there, and what’s useful to you probably depends on what type of mother you want to be. So instead of recommending books, I figured I’d present to you a list of the least helpful baby books, according to myself and some other moms I know.
The Happiest Baby On The Block
The premise of this book is a fine one: Your baby isn’t sleeping because it’s operating from its weird quasi-formed lizard brain, but there are five ways you can help coax it back to sleep when it awakes to terrorize you. However, a whole book doesn’t need to be written about this. I would have gladly paid the same amount of money for a brief pamphlet detailing the “Five S’s” (swaddling, shushing, side/stomach position, swinging, sucking) but felt like I was going insane as this message got repeated over and over again in book form.
Your Pregnancy, Week-by-Week
The Stacy London Interview
Nov. 30, 2012Today’s interviewee is most widely-known as half of the host and style experts on the delightful makeover show What Not To Wear on TLC. More recently, she is the author of the beautifully-designed book The Truth About Style, which, in the mode of WNTW, helps women adjust their exterior to reflect what’s so good about their interior. But in this case, she blends the case studies with her own stories about growing up and struggling with skin disease and eating disorder. (Unrelated, one of my favorite things about her is the cool gray streak in her hair, which is protected in her contract as a spokesperson for Pantene.) You can learn a lot more about her by following her on Twitter.
You dedicated the book, in part, to your haters, but you don’t seem like a particularly divisive public figure to me--what do you tend to get hated on for (according to the haters?)
Scrabble words with a Chicago twist
Nov. 29, 2012The recent popularity of Words With Friends means the chances of someone dusting off the old Scrabble board are higher than usual this holiday season. If you want to win, it helps to be familiar with some of the short, oddball words that can score some big points — the most-played word in the Scrabble dictionary, for example, is QI — but the Scrabble dictionary is full of surprising words, many of which are particularly familiar to Chicagoans.
Proper nouns are not allowed in Scrabble, but many names associated with the Windy City are, in fact, playable, because they exist as common nouns or verbs. For instance, both the first and last name of longtime Chicago resident and Nobel Laureate Saul Bellow are playable, as SAUL is an alternate spelling of "soul" and BELLOW can mean a deep-voiced yell.
Another Chicago writer, Raymond Chandler, is playable as RAY (to emit narrow beams of light) CHANDLER (a dealer in household goods or shipping supplies).
'Baby-sitters Club' memories
Nov. 28, 2012
The Baby-sitters Club,the classic YA-ish series by Ann M. Martin, will be released as ebooks on December 1. This news flooded my brain with memories of the books, which I obsessed over more than any other series as a kid, possibly because the books were more about characters than plot; I obsessed over whether I was a Claudia or a Mary Ann more than I fantasized about ways to save the day. Here are my BSC memories:
- Claudia had the best clothes, obviously, all those earrings and matching high-tops. Also, the best hair. And eyes. I wished I had almond-shaped eyes.
- I once tried to hide food in my room like Claudia did, but the second I did I went back to each secret hiding place and ate it all. I hoped that maybe I forgot one spot and would find some food someday but I never did.