Ruinous affairs! Everyone’s having them. Here are some tips on how to have an affair and not have it ruin your life:
Don’t be famous or be involved with a famous person. If you need to have an affair for whatever reason, either de-famous yourself or find a “regular” person to have an affair with. This way, if when you get caught, far fewer people will know about it and the likelihood of your name trending on Twitter will be much lower. Also, don’t go on The Daily Show to talk about the book you wrote about the person with whom you are having an affair.
On that note, don’t ever take a picture of your genitals or anything that resembles genitals or even a guy named Richard.
Don’t send any emails to your mistress/mister. They will be found. And if they are found and you didn’t obey Point 1, they will be published on Gawker.