Listen to Claire Zulkey on Afternoon Shift
The other week, I was walking back into my office building during my lunch break when I watched a man hurriedly puff the rest of his cigarette butt and drop it on the sidewalk before entering a waiting cab. A garbage can was two feet away from him.
Every now and then, when I’m in the right mood, I can’t help myself when I spy someone behaving in a “someone less important than I am will take care of this” kind of way.
So I helpfully called out to him, “There’s a garbage can right there!”
“You wanna put it in there, then?” the guy yelled.
As a WBEZ reader I know you support fine Chicago artists and as a Zulkey.com reader I am positive you have absolutely flaw-free taste in humor. So why not come to one or more of these live events, both of which happen to include moi:
Tonight, at 8 p.m. at the Book Cellar, I will be reading/performing with the wonderful "lady comedy" show The Kates. Enjoy the unique thrill of drinking alcohol while being surrounded by books as you take in the hilarious stylings of Jennifer Baird, Beth Humbert Schmidt, Candy Lawrence, Kyna Lenhof, Tamale, Nancy Fast and me!
And also/finally, the next Funny Ha-Ha is scheduled for about a month from now. Let me tickle your eyes with our beautiful turqoise poster:
EVANSTON, Ill. --- Tears of joy mingled with sobs of relief when hundreds of exhausted Northwestern University undergraduate students who had danced for 30 straight hours learned their efforts during the school's Dance Marathon this past weekend helped to raise over $200 in cash for this year’s beneficiaries.
The dance marathon, which took place in the Ryan Field’s parking lot, marked the culmination of a weeklong harebrained scheme to raise funds to keep the Chi Phi spring party from being canceled.The Chi Phi spring party was established in 1998 as a way to celebrate the arrival of shorts and baby-tee-shirt weather and was in danger of being shut down due to The Man.
If you were wondering, as I’m sure you were, “Claire, how were your salads this past weekend?” the answer is, “F-ing awesome, thank you.”
I had company over both Friday and Saturday nights and I decided that for dinner I’d make a lovely pasta accompanied by a fantastic salad. So often the accompanying salad in dinner is a tedious, obligatory affair, a way to delay the exciting arrival of the main event. But recently, I had lunch at Farmhouse, where I I ordered a patty melt but substituted a salad instead of french fries. I did this reluctantly, since usually those side salads are such a blah affair, but since I no longer possess the insides and metabolism of a college student, I couldn’t in good conscience order a deep-fried cheeseburger and then also eat fries with it.
I was surprised and delighted, however, to discover that the side salad was actually delicious in its own right, thanks to some Craisins and shaved carrots and serrano peppers on top. Thus I was inspired, this weekend, to make my own salads special. My salads consisted of:
Ron Paul: The resurgence of the dime store
Rick Santorum: The triumphant return of penny candy
Mitt Romney: The reinstatement of the $100 elephant
Go Casimir, it's your birthday. We gonna party like it's your birthday.
Chicago Poles, I assume you're already drunk by this point but if you're not, remember--today is YOUR day!
Sure, we may not get the river dyed a certain color in our honor or enjoy a big annual city parade or a semi-annual kind of messy South Side parade nor do our baseball teams wear red in honor of St. Joseph's Day, but guess what: We have our own holiday where schools and libraries are closed along with City of Chicago and Cook County offices!! (But all federal and state courts remain open. Banks and the post offices will remain open, and postal service is unaffected. Public transportation will run on normal schedules.)
Today I chat with a Second City fixture, one of the few performers to have belonged to the all three of the Toronto, Chicago and Detroit touring companies. You may recognize him as "that guy who is in everything." Lately you may have seen him in The Office, Key and Peele or Eastbound and Down. He was also a cast member and writer for SNL from 2000-2001 and has appeared in comedy classics and favorites like Community, Carpoolers, Lucky Louie, Mr. Show and Arrested Development. He is the first person to have sent back an audio file of emailed questions and I quite enjoyed hearing him answer my questions (it was like a phone conversation, only I didn't have to do any work) so I thought I'd share the recorded answers here with you.
1. When you come back to Chicago, are there any restaurants or bars that you make a point of hitting up?