I tweet a lot.
There might be a slightly different attitude towards abuse of small children if a former altar server and parent of a small child were in charge.
I like both bread and wine.
Every day of Lent would be Fat Tuesday until Easter.
When pop culture makes fun of Catholicism, instead of embarrassing us by getting all outraged I’ll say something more along the lines of “Okay, you got us, that was pretty good.”
I used to take Italian and Latin.
The Church would be much more inclusive because then when parishes have church parties we could maybe rent out a club instead of having to use the old church rectory basement again.
I look good in hats and dresses.
It’s time for another Polish pope.
I got my flu shot so I’m good to go.
I tweet a lot.
Teens pour a shot of vodka on their face and wait patiently for their pores to absorb the alcohol.
Danger: Missing out on the homework they could be doing while they wait for the liquor to absorb.
Teens purchase cigarettes and in order to escape detection from authority figures, use their rectums to inhale and exhale smoke.
Danger: Cigarettes are expensive and will do damage to teen bank accounts, plus there is a risk of cigarette burns to otherwise pristine teenage tushies.
The new planking. Instead of walking, driving, skateboarding or rollerblading, teens travel by performing continuous 360° flips down the street.
I can't believe that this is not the first time I have seen this:
I’m Facebook friends with a WXRT DJ who happened to be on-air a few weeks ago when my husband and I were enjoying a quiet night to ourselves after the baby had gone to sleep. We were listening to the radio, drinking a bottle of wine and making meatballs when on a whim, I decided to Facebook-message the DJ with a request.
“Can you play some old Cake?” I asked, per Steve’s request. Steve was titillated; he had never submitted a request to a DJ before much less had it played on-air.
Sadly, it was not to be. “I'd love to, but Terri played Cake right before I got on the air, which means I am 'blocked' from them for the rest of the night,” my DJ friend wrote back. “Try me another time, for sure.”
Steve was disappointed, but I know we’ll get a request some other time. Of course, getting a radio request isn’t the same now as it was back in the old days. There was nothing preventing Steve from getting out his Cake CDs or buying some Cake on iTunes or even just listening to some from Youtube. Not too long ago (gather ‘round, children), getting a DJ to play a song for you was the only way to hear something on-demand, short of going to the music store and buying a CD. “Remind me to tell you my good DJ request story,” I told my DJ friend, and here it is.
There is a time and a place in this world for diversity, but the elevator system is not one of them.
I used to work in an office building where the elevators operated the traditional way. You press the up button, you get in the elevator and you press your floor number. Unfortunately, the elevators were incredibly slow so, like with an irritatingly out-of-sync CTA bus line, sometimes the elevators would come one at a time, slowly, and would get overcrowded, or they’d all bunch up and there would be four elevators for three people.