Look! Up in the sky! It's—

May 14, 2012


News Headline: "Asteroids pose less risk to Earth than thought."
As we look forward to the day when thought poses less risk to Earth than asteroids.
In other news, Asteroid JU2012 was discovered as it passed between Earth and the moon on Sunday. . .

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News Item: Chicago Police to meet NATO summit crowds with an acoustic device emitting a "loud deterrent sound" that can prove "harmful" with prolonged exposure.
Couldn't Chicago save money if it just invited Rush Limbaugh over for the weekend?

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The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators:
Teachers at a school in Bedfordshire, England, have been instructed not to correct more than three misspellings on any student paper "in order that the children’s self-confidence is not damaged."

 

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News Headline: "Romney reverses stance."
News Headline: "Romney switches positions again."
News Headline: "Romney closes in on nomination."
Say this for Mitt Romney:
He has brought innovation to the Party of Lincoln, where a candidate can now fool:
+  Some of the people all of the time.
+  All of the people some of the time.
+  Enough of the people enough of the time.
Think of it as Abe 2.0.

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News Item: "A U.S. man completed a triathlon in less than two hours--while juggling three balls the entire time."
Show this to any self-satisfied triathletes you may know.

 

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News Item: ". . . the magic of the free marketplace. . . ."
News Item: ". . . were the private sector and free market to be truly unleashed. . . ."
The last time our private sector and free market were truly unleashed, we had children in sweatshops.

 

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QT Modern Corporate Gibberish of the Week:
Interxion and Ranbaxy report increased first-quarter profits.

 

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News Item: Burger King apologizes to hip-hop soul artist Mary J. Blige for racial stereotypes in an ad that featured her singing about fried chicken.
Apology noted.
News Item: Burger King apologizes to Hindus for an ad that showed a revered Indian goddess with a meat sandwich.
Apology noted.
News Item: Burger King starts overseas marketing of a Whopper that includes 15 strips of bacon.
OK. That's it. Why not just apologize to all of humanity and be done with it?

 

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News Headline: " 'Height of hypocrisy' from Obama."
News Headline: "Mitt Romney--'king of hypocrites'?"
If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well.

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Tim Domaleczny, a Centerville, Ohio, reader, writes:
"I spent a whole year in Iraq and not once did I see any tap-dancing militant Islamic fundamentalists. I feel I was cheated out of something. Not that I'm willing to go back and try my luck again."
There are currently 1,160 Google hits for "tap-dancing militant Islamic fundamentalists."
That is up 10 from five days ago.
The number grows.
Slowly. But it grows.

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News Headline: "All-white killer whale spotted off coast of Russia."
All right. But which is it?

 

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QT Summer Travel Advisory:
Twenty-three days remain until the Iowa Pork Expo in Des Moines.
More than 20,000 visitors are expected at  the "world's largest pork-specific event."

 

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Mike Reynolds, a West Allis, Wis., reader, having read in the newspaper that the federal Government Accountability Office has completed a study of a Pentagon study of the excessive number of studies the Pentagon does, wants you to know that while no immediate action is expected, the matter is under study.
 

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From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ A viscount outranks a baron.
+ Ayn Rand was a recipient of Social Security and Medicare.

 

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Beware the ides of National Artisan Gelato Month

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QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
Sherlock Holmes asks this question during a recent PBS Sherlock episode:
"Did you know that other people were after her, too, Mycroft, before you sent John and I in there?"
A note to PBS:
Sherlock Holmes would never say "you sent John and I."
Holmes would say "you sent John and me."
This is, uh, elementary.
But wait. Let's be fair. PBS sometimes gets it right:
CONVICT:  "Mr. Holmes! Everyone says you're the best. Without you. . . I'll get hung for this."
HOLMES:  "No, Mr. Bewick. Not at all. . . . Hanged, yes."
A nook is larger than a cranny, by the way.
And a drib is smaller than a drab.


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