Tricky Dick, Slick Willy. . . .

May 25, 2012



News Headline: "Mitt Romney's new nickname: Rmoney."
News Headline: "Rot-ney?"
This is a frivolous waste of time.
We have more serious things to do.
Will everyone please stop trying to hang nicknames on Wall Street Willard?
 

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News Headline: "Romney: Obama's reckless spending fans a 'prairie fire of debt.' "
News Headline: "Romney: I'll fight 'spending inferno.' "
Federal spending in Obama's first three budget years has risen a total of 1.4 percent.
Add prairie fires and infernos to the list of things that aren't what they used to be.
 

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The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators:
Temescal Canyon High School in Lake Elsinore, Calif., has named 37 valedictorians.
 

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Bob Zuley, a Chicgo reader, writes:
"Aren't there some fairly vicious creatures living in common beach sand? I think I gleaned this from one of your past columns, but no one knows what I am talking about."
Funny you should mention it.
Today is the start of the Chicago beach season.
You are referring to QT's annual summer reminder that with each barefoot step you take on beach sand, you are stepping on hundreds and sometimes thousands of very tiny animals, many with snapping jaws, spiked appendages jutting from their heads and spidery hairs along their bodies.
They are called meiofauna.
You can't see them.
But they are there.
Except, c'mon, they are really nothing to worry about.
No. Really.
Don't give them a second thought.

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News Headline: "Police nab suspect within minutes of bank robbery."
Yet another instance of stifling government overregulation.
The arrested man was simply executing an asymmetric cash assets swap.
Or doesn't anyone out there understand how modern free enterprise works?
 

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News Item: ". . . has reached crisis proportions. . . ."
News Item: ". . . has reached epidemic proportions. . . ."
News Item: ". . . crisis has reached epidemic proportions. . . ."
News Item: ". . . epidemic has reached crisis proportions. . . ."
QT will get back to you when it has this sorted out.
 

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News Headline (2003): "EPA relaxes clean air standards."
News Headline (2005): "EPA seeks to relax ozone standards."
News Headline (2007): "EPA relaxes air pollution rules for oil industry."
News Headline (2009): "EPA relaxes rules on pesticides."
News Headline (2011): "EPA relaxes emissions limits."
Hey. Nothing wrong with a little relaxation now and then.
That's it . . . relax . . . relax . . . take a deep breath.
Uh. Wait.
Don't take a deep breath.
No. Don't do that.

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QT Summer Travel Advisory:
There will be no Central Nebraska Ethnic Festival this year.
 

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Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) on right-wing evangelicals:
"I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in 'A,' 'B,' 'C,' and 'D.' Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me? And I am even more angry as a legislator who must endure the threats of every religious group who thinks it has some God-granted right to control my vote on every roll call in the Senate."
Then again, what do you expect from a secular lefty radica–
No. Hold on.
Those are the words of Barry Goldwater.
Sorry.
 

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News Item: "Multi-million dollar mansions and $100,000 Porsches are flying off local shelves in the Palo Alto, Santa Clara and Menlo Park areas of California."
The Palo Alto, Santa Clara and Menlo Park areas of California are known for their large shelves.
 

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QT News Presented Without Comment:
A survey that tested a national sample on international current events found that people who watch only Fox News are less informed than people who watch no news at all.
 

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QT Grammar R Us Seminar of the English Language:
John Linehan, a Joliet reader, writes:
"As I write this, the Cubs have not led in a game for 59 innings. Do the Cubs exist for our amusement?"
Close. But the word we are probably looking for is "bemusement."
Which brings us to baseball–and a birthday.
Today is the 93rd birthday of the late Lindsey Nelson, a sportscaster who knew how the game was play-by-played.
Nelson believed the English language should be spoken well, even at the old ballpark.
How well?
It is Nelson's voice fans would hear on the radio, in the late innings, on a warm summer night:
"That's he, swinging the bat."


Write to QT at qt@wbez.org
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.