A gangbanger's best friend. . . .

June 11, 2012

 

News Item: National Rifle Association president arrives in Chicago for Friday meeting of the Conservative Political Action Conference.
News Item: At least five people die and 35 are wounded in weekend shootings in Chicago.
The two stories seemed to go together for some reason.

 

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R.E., a Wilmette reader, writes:
"While at a Crystal Lake Wal-Mart, I happened upon an Ice Breakers Ice Cubes cup with the admonition on the label: 'Do not share.' Is this a sign of the times?"
Either that or the first three words of the draft 2012 Republican Platform.
 

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CNN news announcer introducing a video:
"You may want to look away. This is a hard video to watch."
TV news tries to be careful and sensitive in introducing the violent videos it shows over and over and over and over and over and over.
 

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News Headline: "Garland Peed on top of Kreep."
QT wishes to apologize for the immaturity of some of the headline writers in its business.
It is still too close to call in the San Diego, Calif., judgeship race between Garland Peed, a prosecutor, and Gary Kreep, a birther Republican lawyer.
Peed holds a lead of 1,093 votes, as tallies of absentee votes continue to trickle in.

 

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News Headline: "Revealed: How chefs use 'meat glue' made from pig blood to stick steaks together."
News Headline: "Is 'meat glue' the next pink slime?"
Agribusiness is still working on our dessert.
 

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News Headline: "Santa Monica Airport visioning process enters its third phase."
When did planning become a visioning process, and when can we have planning back?
And E.R., an Atlanta reader, wants to know when TV reruns became "encore presentations," and when can we have reruns back?
And. . . .

 

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News Headline: "Invasive species ride tsunami debris to U.S. shore."
News Headline: "Fukushima radiation seen in tuna off California."
Is "Mothra vs. Godzilla" seeming less and less far-fetched as time goes on?

 

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News Headline: "Too much exercise can hurt the heart, study finds."
News Headline: "Moderate drinking may boost heart health."
News Headline: "Study finds peanuts are good for the heart."
Now that we have a heart-healthy regimen in place, we can proceed.

 

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News Item: ". . . A study from the American College of Cardiology found laughter beneficial to health, having a similar effect to aerobic activity. . . ."
Which reminds QT.
It had to sleep under its car last night.
Why?
It wanted to get up oily.
Combine this item with the QT heart-healthy regimen, and you will live forever.

 

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News Headline: "Scientists move one step closer to creating an invisibility cloak."
Ted Nugent looks to be about a 42 long when the time comes.
 

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News Item: ". . .  school administration office full of catfish bait, chicken livers and birds. . . .  also found a large number of crickets and toilet paper in the hallway. . . ."
News Item: ". . .  sticking Post-it notes throughout the hallways of the school overnight. . . . students took about 5,000 packs of the notes into the building. . . ."
Happy Graduation!

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From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ Residents of the town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,Wales, call it Llanfairpwllgwyngyll for short.
+ The Welsh for "Road Closed" is "Fford Ar Gau."

 

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QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
Doug Dahlgren, a Chicago reader, writes:
"On page six of my newspaper, there's a story about construction clout. The second paragraph begins: 'Beside cutting off McDonough this week from. . . .' I've heard Bill Kurtis use 'beside' instead of  'besides,' too. Which is correct? On to page nine. President Obama's campaign manager is quoted as saying: 'We got beat.' He must have gone to school in Chicago."
"Besides" is used more often.
But both Bill Kurtis and the King James Version have used "beside" to mean "in addition to."
As for President Obama's campaign manager, he was raised in Boise, Idaho, but people have been known to get beat there, too.
And speaking of the Obama administration and the English language:
+ President Obama: ". . . for Michelle and I. . . ."
+ President Obama: ". . . that's my criteria. . . ."
+ Vice President Biden: ". . . between he and I. . . ."
+ Michelle Obama: ". . . with my brother and me. . . ."
Whoa. So at least one of them paid attention during grammar school.
There is never a "the" in front of Magna Carta, by the way.
And always a "the" in front of the Mahatma Gandhi.

Write to QT at qt@wbez.org
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