And now back to the men's doubles canoe slalom semis

July 30, 2012

 

News Headline: "Olympic challenges include gambling and match-fixing."
News Headline: "Olympic organizers hit by ticket scandal."
News Headline: "Still plenty of angles for drug cheating at Olympics."
News Headline: "The Olympic ideal lives on."
Doesn't it, though?
 

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News Headline: "SMU linebacker's home burglarized by prostitute he wouldn't pay."
And can college football be just around the corner?
 

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QT Random Sample of Americans Update:
+ When Americans were asked in a survey if they owned an Amazon Kindle, two percent responded "don't know."
+ When Americans were asked in a survey if they were sexually active, three percent responded "not sure."
Keep this in mind the next time you hear of a political candidate appealing to the undecideds.

 

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QT Trickle-On Economics Update:
The St. Louis Post-Dispatch laid off 23 workers days after giving its CEO a $655,000 stock bonus.

 

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News Headline: "Baptist church in Mississippi refuses to marry black couple."
Wait a minute.
This wasn't about race, understand.
The couple just seemed. . . not quite American. . . not like one of us. . . foreign in some ways . . .  almost presidential.

 

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A London Olympics spokesman responding to a team's formal rules complaint:
"We will have an urgent meeting, certainly within the next two days."
Add urgency to the list of things that aren't what they used to be.
And D..E, a Rockford reader, wants to know when stud and draw poker became Texas hold 'em everywhere we look, and when can we have stud and draw back?
And. . . .
 

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QT Modern Corporate Gibberish of the Week:
Ascendis has acquired Avima.
 

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News Headline: "Red wine could reduce cancer risk."
News Headline: "2 glasses of wine are a cancer risk."
As a health precaution, QT recommends staying with whiskey until this is sorted out.
 

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News Item: ". . . Romney also plans to see former Polish President Lech Walesa. . . ."
Note to those who report the news on TV and radio:
It is not wah-LESS-ah.
It is vah-WEHN-sah.
Thank you.
Dziekuje. (jehn-KOO-yeh).

 

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QT News Presented Without Comment:
+ A man in a Louisville, Ky., bookstore was arrested for stealing a copy of Resolving Ethical Issues.
+ A boat operator whose hand was bitten off by an alligator near Everglades City, Fla., was arrested for the unlawful feeding of an alligator.

 

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News Headline: "White House plays down prospect of new gun laws."
Today's Chuckle:
Q. What did the potential renewal of an assault-weapons ban say to President Obama?
A. "Come out, come out, wherever you are."
 

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QT Summer Travel Advisory:
QT neglected to inform you in a timely manner that the town of Dildo, Newfoundland, had scheduled its 32nd Annual Dildo Days for July 21-29.
QT regrets the error.
 

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QT Worldwide Man-Bites-Dog Pinpoint Locator:
As of the twenty-seventh dog day of summer, there have been no new reports of a man biting a dog.
But an Olympic athlete told reporters that she was late arriving in London because a dog ate her airline ticket.
And the Olympic road cycling race was interrupted by a dog running across the road and back.
There are 14 dog days to go.
One day fewer than for the Olympics.
 

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News Item: ". . . equivalent to the time it would take to build three Brooklyn Bridges. . . ."
Or the duration of 149 rhinoceros pregnancies, if you are still trying to visualize it.

 

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From Poor QT's Almanack:
On this day in history 47 years ago President Lyndon B. Johnson signed Medicare into law, and not a single Republican leader questioned for a moment his patriotic loyalty, for those who like to reminisce.

 

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QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
Ronald Meyer, a Baltimore reader, writes:
"You are correct that the first syllable of 'gigabyte' should be pronounced JIG,  but you will sound like a fool if you pronounce it that way. As for your pronunciation of 'gerrymander,' the source of the word is Elbridge Gerry (1744-1814). The G in his name was pronounced like the G in Gary, as you say. But you will also sound like a fool if you say it GARYmander instead of JERRYmander."
QT assures you it has never been reluctant to sound like a fool.
It isn't "a penny for your thoughts," by the way, but "a penny for your thought."

Write to QT at qt@wbez.org
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays

 

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