And sweatshops bring out a slimmer you

July 2, 2012


Fox News Headline: "Lowering the minimum wage: Is it better for workers?"
No. Wait. Hear Fox News out.
See, if management is allowed to pay less than living wages, then it will be willing to hire more workers, which means more people will have jobs.
It's Economics 101.
Tell you what.
Stop paying workers entirely.
Then everyone can have a job.
 

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News Headline: "Is Obama the secret son of Malcolm X?"
It's early in the election campaign.
The Tea Party is still experimenting.
Does this one work for you?

 

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News Item: Obama conspiracy to nationalize banks.
News Item: Obama conspiracy to disarm Americans.
News Item: Obama conspiracy to end elections.
News Item: Obama conspiracy to give Alaskan islands to Russians.
News Item: Obama conspiracy to turn Boy Scouts pro-gay.
Is there anything the man can't do?
 

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Kevin Smith, a Nashville, Tenn., reader, regarding QT's noting that the case of a woman arrested for assaulting her boyfriend with pasta and a spoon may end up with a spaetzle prosecutor, wants to know if the arraignment involved a perp wok.

 

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News Headline: "Is Facebook testing a 'Want' button?"
Is the time arriving to press a "Yawn" button?

 

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News Headline: "Colleges move toward absolute bans on smoking."
Yes. Even outdoors.
The American Society of People Who Have Found a Socially Acceptable Way to Push Other People Around (ASPWHFSAWPOPA) has been adamant on this point.

 

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QT Summer Travel Advisory:
Fifty-nine days remain until the 76th Annual Louisiana Shrimp and Petroleum Festival, the last couple of which have been, well, different.

 

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News Item: "A Downstate pro-gun group says it turned payouts from Chicago’s firearm buyback program last weekend into a fundraiser for a youth summer camp – a National Rifle Association shooting camp, that is."
Who says the people who make it easier for thousands of needless deaths to occur don't have a sense of humor?

 

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News Headline: "Romney's health plan evolving."
Things change.
Romney's health plan in Massachusetts was intelligently designed.

 

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News Headline: "Astrophysicists count a whole lot of craters on Mars."
In a related development, they determined that the universe is really quite big.

 

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News Headline: "Ann Curry bashed by president of NBC News: She was weak on cooking segments, celebrity interviews."
As long as we are taking a hard look at her TV news credentials, more questions need to be asked.
How was she on travel tips?

 

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News Headline: "Ron Paul inducted into the Congressional Baseball Hall of Fame."
The presentation was way out in right field.

 

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XXV Days Until the XXX Summer Olympics:
The opening ceremonies will include XII horses, III cows, X chickens, X ducks, IX geese, LXX sheep and III sheep dogs, it was announced.

 

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News Headline: "Tom Cruise at 50: What's next for the star?"
51.

 

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From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ Ten perthent of body pierthingth involve tongueth.
+ Theventy perthent of thothe who have their tongueth pierthed report complicathionth.


 

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From Poor QT's Almanack:
On this day in history 150 years ago, even as the Civil War was reaching its height, the United States established land grants for colleges in every state, soon followed by a national banking system and the start of a transcontinental railroad, and, as to what we are accomplishing today, well, look at all these new apps we have coming out all the time.

 

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QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
R.F., a Chicago reader, writes:
"I was watching a Washington Post writer on TV when he referred to a situation as 'heart-wrenching.' I would have hoped a Washington Post writer would know something may be 'gut-wrenching' or 'heart-rending' – but not 'heart-wrenching.' And while we're at it, it's 'walking on eggs,' not 'walking on egg shells.' There. I feel much better now."
There is no such thing as a bicep, by the way.
Each of us has a biceps in each arm.
Or we can use both arms and flex both bicepses.
Now QT feels better, too.
Except its arms are tired.

Write to QT at qt@wbez.org
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.