Election? Is that something on YouTube?

July 16, 2012


News Headline: "Study finds young adults suffering from 'news fatigue.' "
News Headline: "Poll: Fewer young people plan to vote this November."
Of course not.
The poor things are fatigued.
 

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News Headline: "Politicians who look like Disney characters."
News Headline: "Politicians who look like Muppets."
News Headline: "Politicians who look like turkeys."
Disney Count:     15 Republicans, 9 Democrats.
Muppet Count:      6 Republicans, 9 Democrats.
Turkey Count:       3 Republicans, 2 Democrats.
The trend is apparent.

 

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News Headline: "Romney campaign: Tax returns a 'distraction' from Obama's 'broken promises.' "
Politics is the art of changing the subject.

 

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QT News Presented Without Comment:
Charlie Sheen announced he is quitting Twitter.
 

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News Headline: "Convicted bank robber gets 1,256 years in prison."
News Headline: "Why are no Wall Street execs in jail?"
Some bank robbers are luckier than others.
 

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Tim Domaleczny, a Centerville, Ohio, reader, writes:
"I have an idea for a T-shirt honoring the 112th Congress: 'The 112th Congress: Democracy Inaction.'  I could make millions, I tell ya."
The House will spend 12 of the next 40 days in session, by the way.
But the Senate will spend 15 days in session.
Hard to hold our senators back.
 

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The Not Me Decade, in Which Everybody Else is Responsible for Everything, Continues:
A Nassau County, N.Y., woman who had an affair with a county police officer has sued the county for  "severe and substantial emotional damages" because the county did not supervise the officer well enough to keep him from having an affair with her.
 

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News Headline: "Internet grocery grows to a $2.4 billion industry."
News Headline: "San Francisco's nightlife a $4.2 billion industry."
News Headline: "Zombies become a $5 billion industry."
Is there any human activity at this point that isn't a billion-dollar industry?
 

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Paul Shubin, a Montreal reader, regarding QT's dog, Buddy the Wonder Dog, so named because all the neighbors wonder about him, and QT's previous dog,  named Pablo, after Picasso, because having a dog is a good idea in the abstract, writes:
"Some years back my wife wanted to get a pet dog, and I agreed, if I could choose the name. I named it Peeve."
There are 26 dog days left in the dog days of summer.

 

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News Headline: "Thieves take toilet seat from courthouse. "
Police say they have nothing to go on.
News Headline: "Thieves bust through wall to steal hair extensions."
Police were combing the area.
QT will stop now.
 

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News Headline: "Iraq rebuilding risked billions in funds, auditor finds."
But remember the strategy.
We've spent billions on infrastructure over there so we don't have to spend it on infrastructure here.

 

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News Headline: "World's largest BLT made in 15 minutes with 300 pounds of bacon, 210 loaves of French bread, 100 pounds of tomatoes and 40 pounds of lettuce and mayonnaise."
Or you can get something like it at  a Wendy's drive-thru.

 

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News Headline: "Man steals dog, hides kid in closet and holds a spider for ransom."
There is probably an interesting story behind that.
 

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News Headline: "Rossendale couple reschedules wedding for Olympic torch relay."
It was a way, in the bride's words, to make the day "extra special."
News Headline: "Groom punches brother for groping bridesmaids at Olympic wedding."
Make that extra, extra special.
 

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From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ Mitt Romney scrapes the cheese off pizza before eating it.
+ President Obama's favorite book is Moby Dick.
No. Wait.
Sorry, Mr. President.
No one's favorite book is Moby Dick.

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From Poor QT's Almanack:
On this day in history 1,549 years ago a change in the calendar to help fix the date of Easter was introduced by Pope Hilarius, which reminds QT that there have been 23 popes named John, 16 named Benedict, 13 named Leo, 12 named Pius and only one named Hilarius, for some reason.

 

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Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
D.D., a Chicago reader, writes:
"On page 15 of the Saturday newspaper a headline reads: 'Penn State to renovate showers.' The story that follows refers to 'plans to remodel.' My dictionary defines 'renovate' as 'restore to a former, better state' and 'remodel' as 'alter the structure/use of.'  In this case, I think 'remodel' would be correct."
Or  maybe "rehabilitate."
It is impossible to swoop up or zoom down, by the way.

Write to QT at qt@wbez.org
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