Faster, Stronger, Higher! And Merchandisable!

July 27, 2012


News Headline: "World Eskimo-Indian Olympics kicks off."
Wait.
Wrong one.
Sorry.

 

...




News Item: India's Rural Olympics enters 80th year with events that include lifting plows with teeth and lying on beds of nails while stones are piled on, along with the 100-meter sprint for 90-year-olds and the cow high-jump.
And NBC paid $1.18 billion for London?
 

...

 


News Headline: "London officials bracing for potential prostitution boom."
OK.
Found the right Olympics.
And let the Games begin!

 

...

 


News Headline: "Pop music has become louder, less original, study finds."
Quick.
What hasn't?

 

...

 


News Item: ". . .  shaking up the political calculus. . . ."
News Item: ". . .  the electoral calculus of both parties. . . ."
This evidently has to do with our politicians finding the instantaneous rates of change of functions and hence the gradients of tangents to graphs or in finding functions from their rates of change.
Which explains Michele Bachmann.
 

...




News Headline: "Twitter outage spreads around the globe."
There is good news out there, if you look for it.
 

...

 


News Headline: "Will Republicans ever give Obama credit for anything?"
Terry Steczo, an Arlington Heights reader, writes:
"One of President Obama's unrecorded achievements occurred in November 2008 when he was elected and hell froze over. Apparently, this has been ignored by the religious community."
Not to mention the deniers of climate change.
 

...

 


QT Summer Travel Advisory:
You still have two days to make it to the 981st commemoration of the Battle of Stiklestad in Norway.
Or if you can't make it, you can at least sing the battle song:

It is our soil on which you step,
You better stay away from us,
Or else you will regret. . . .


Or wait.
Isn't that the Tea Party platform's immigration plank?
 

...

 


News Headline: "NYC soda ban: Public weighs in on Bloomberg proposal."
Give Mayor Michael Bloomberg a break.
He is only looking out for our health.
News Headline: "Mayor Bloomberg ban on soda may be extended to alcohol."
Commie.
 

...

 


QT Vote Count Countdown Update:
+ "Obama's poor polls: Proof that the Bain ads aren't working.?"
+ "Has Obama sold out his gun-control principles?"
+ "Are the wealthy taxed too lightly?"
+ "Will prostitution increase during the conventions?"
+ "Is Romney hiding his finances?"
+ "Will Republican convention admit past Bush mistakes?"
+ "Will Obamacare raise the price of a Big Mac?"
+ "Are voters paying attention?”
No, yes, yes, are you kidding, are you kidding, no, no, no.
Ninety-nine days to go.
Just take it slow and easy, one day at a time.
 

...

 


News Headline: "Lawyer testifies at Manitoba inquiry into naked judge's conduct."
Judging from the testimony,  the lawyer had earlier submitted his briefs.
 

...

 


British News Item: ". . . Romney later made a second gaffe when he. . . ."
British News Item: ". . . supposed to be a charm offensive. . .  utterly devoid of charm and mildly offensive. . . ."
British News Item: ". . . continues to gaffe his way across London. . . ."
Yes. America should never apologize to the world.
But don't we owe the world something for sending Mitt Romney out into it?
 

...



From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ The Olympic record for the horse long-jump is 20 feet 1/4 inch.
+ Other discontinued Olympic events include live-pigeon shooting and croquet.
 

...

 


QT Worldwide Man-Bites-Dog Pinpoint Locator:
As of the twenty-fourth dog day of summer, there have been no new reports of a man biting a dog.
But a new study suggests that dog owners, by yawning, can induce yawns in their dogs.
No data yet on dog yawns inducing owner yawns.
Further  research is indicated.
There are 17 dog days to go.

...

 


QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
T.F., a Sturgeon Bay, Wis., reader, writes:
"Why does the press always refer to Mitt Romney as the 'presumptive' Republican nominee when President Obama is never referred to as the 'presumptive' Democratic nominee? Wouldn't they be equally presumptive, as neither nominating convention has yet been held?"
QT would not presume to disagree.
A reminder, by the way, that the phrase "most importantly" is incorrect.
It is always "most important."
And it is not "firstly," "secondly" and "thirdly," but "first," "second" and "third."
And so on and so forthly.


Write to QT at qt@wbez.org
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.