If we're shocked, we can pretend it's unusual

July 23, 2012


News Headline: "Obama orders U.S. flags flown at half-staff until July 25 as 'mark of respect' for 12 shooting victims in Colorado."
The United States averages 25 gun homicides a day.
Men, women and children.
So why not just keep the flag at half-staff?
 

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QT Trickle-On Economics Update:
A federal bankruptcy judge approved up to $20 million in bonuses for executives at RG Steel as 3,000 steelworkers were being laid off.

 

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News Headline: "Walking you through the incredibly complex U.S. economy."
QT will walk you through.
It will walk you through with nothing more than a line from "The Barefoot Contessa," starring Humphrey Bogart and Ava Gardner.
The line is spoken by a millionaire at a dinner party:
"To make $100 into $110 — this is work. To make $100 million into $110 million — this is inevitable."
There.
You have now been walked through the incredibly complex U.S. economy
 

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QT What Passes for Miracles These Days Update:
An image of Jesus has been found on a used disinfectant wipe in Chicago.
 

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News Headline: "Armed boy, 9, steals car."
They grow up so fast, don't they?
 

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P.H., a Schaumburg reader, writes to take issue with QT's comparing the Tea Party health-care plan with a news story about bus passengers who stepped around a dying accident victim to get to the bus:
"The Tea Party would have stepped up on the dying man for a boost into the bus."
QT regrets the error.

 

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News Headline: "Few politicians call for gun control changes."
What is going on here?
Don't our politicians usually take the trouble to go through the motions of leadership and concern until the pressure's off?
 

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QT Worldwide Man-Bites-Dog Pinpoint Locator:
As of the twentieth dog day of summer, there have been no new reports of a man biting a dog.
But a beaver bit a dog last week along the North Saskatchewan River in Edmonton, Alberta.
We have to make do.
There are 19 dog days to go.

 

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News Headline: "Chinese physicists calculate new date for doomsday."
The new calculation is that the universe will end between 16.7 billion and 103.5 billion years from now.
Be patient. Our theoretical physicists are doing the best they can.
 

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News Headline: "Why more gun laws won't prevent shootings like the--"
Wait. Sorry.
That headline was from a couple of massacres ago.
In other news, the National Bank Robbers Association (NBRA) called for an easing of laws against robbery because all the robbery laws in the world won't prevent bank robberies.
 

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QT Modern Corporate Gibberish of the Week:
Vivus is preparing to market Qsymia.

 

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News Item: Study finds  that those who read warning labels about a medicine's side effects are more likely to come down with the side effects.
So now we need warning labels for our warning labels — and is everyone enjoying the 21st century so far?

 

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QT Early Warning System:
Seventeen days remain until the United Nations International Day of the World's Indigenous People.
If you are not indigenous to the world, proceed in an orderly manner to the nearest Homeland Security office and turn yourself in.

 

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News Item: ". . . When the World Bank set up a special Task Force on Low-Income Countries Under Stress. . . ."
When did undeveloped countries become low-income countries under stress, and when can we have undeveloped countries back?
And T.S., a Springfield reader, wants to know when understanding something became getting our heads around something, and when can we have understanding back?
And. . . .
 

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From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ Britain's gun-homicide rate is 1/27th that of the United States.
+ The National Rifle Association was established in 1871.
 

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QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Item: " J.K. Rowling and Sony have announced the creation of a Harry Potter 'Book of Spells' game that will be available. . . ."
Book Item: ". . . He raised his own wand, pointed it at Winky, and said, 'Ennervate!' Winky stirred feebly. Her great brown eyes opened. . . ."
OK. As long as we're on the subject of spells, QT will raise its wand and point it toward Hogwarts, noting that  "enervate" does not mean, as commonly believed, to strengthen or awaken, but to weaken.
Dictionario!
You throw down a gauntlet, by the way, but you run a gantlet.

Write to QT at qt@wbez.org
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