Move along, nothing to see here. . . .

July 11, 2012


News Headline: "Four years after economic crisis, Obama still hasn't prosecuted Wall Street crimes."
Not one.
None.
Not that anyone is counting.

 

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From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ More than 1,100 criminal cases were prosecuted soon after the savings-and-loan crisis of the 1980s.
+ More than 800 banking officials went to jail.
Not that anyone is counting.
 

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News Headline: "Proposed ordinance would allow flashing signs along Magnificent Mile."
While we're at it, wouldn't a couple of billboards around the Chicago Water Tower help dress the place up?
 

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News Headline: "Democrats attack Romney over offshore accounts, revive demands for tax returns."
What is it about some people who think that anyone who hides something is hiding something?

 

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QT Summer Travel Advisory:
Jim Kehoe, a Sydney, Australia, reader, wants travelers to know that this will be the last summer for the city's Wafu restaurant, which requires its patrons to:
+  sit up straight
+  always rest chopsticks on the plate "after moving food into your mouth while chewing"
+  eat everything on the plate
+  never play with table settings  
+  never announce being "full" because this means the patron has "deliberately damaged their body"
+  never waste condiments because waste makes the owner "sick of people"
The restaurant is closing in a couple of months, for some reason.
The next Taste of Sydney is March 8-11, 2013, by the way.
 

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News Headline: "250 gospel mime ministers to converge on Detroit this weekend."
Funny. QT was just thinking:
What Detroit needs about now is for 250 gospel mimes to converge on it.
 

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News Headline: "Could presidential race end in an Electoral College tie?"
Yes.
Now aren't you sorry someone asked?
 

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QT Worldwide Man-Bites-Dog Pinpoint Locator:
As of the eighth dog day of summer, no new incidents of a man biting a dog have been reported.
But a 20-year-old woman bit her mother and threw the family dog Saturday night in Glastonbury, Conn.
The mother and the dog are OK, according to police.
There are 31 dog days to go.
 

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News Headline: "After troops leave, what happens to Afghanistan?"
Think of a schoolteacher who has brought a noisy classroom back to order and then has to go see the principal for a few minutes. . . .

 

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QT Modern Corporate Gibberish of the Week:
Aemetis has acquired Cilion.
 

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News Headline: "Four fake eunuchs arrested for harassing railway passengers."
Your life may not be going exactly as you had hoped, but at least you aren't a fake eunuch in police custody.

 

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QT Early Warning System:
The reference prototype for the kilogram at the International Bureau of Weights and Measures is becoming lighter.
 

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Gene Christianson, an Overland Park, Kan., reader, regarding QT's dog, Buddy the Wonder Dog, so named because all the neighbors wonder about him, writes:
"I have Reggie the Attack Dog. He's well trained. I shout, 'Attack!' And he has one."
QT's dog before Buddy, by the way, was named Pablo, after Picasso, because having a dog is a good idea in the abstract.

 

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News Item: ". . . 500 million Zippo lighters placed end to end would be the equivalent of putting 285,566 Big Bens on top of each other. . . ."
Or  the equivalent of parking 3,342,179 Oscar Mayer Weinermobiles bumper to bumper, if you are still trying to visualize it.
 

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QT What Passes for Miracles These Days Update:
An image of Jesus has been found on a dried bean in Chicago.
 

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Today's Birthdays: Thomas Bowdler, 257;  J-hn Q--ncy -d-ms, 245; -. B. Wh-t-, 113; L--n Sp-nks, 59.

 

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QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
R.F., a Chicago reader, regarding QT's noting many references in the news to "eminent dangers," writes:
"Does that mean we should refer to Francis Cardinal George as 'Your Imminence'?"
Yes.
It isn't "sacreligious," by the way, but '"sacrilegious."

Write to QT at qt@wbez.org
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