Not a high-flying flag

August 31, 2012


News Headline: "Romney holds convention party on yacht flying Cayman Islands flag."
The tax-dodges of Mitt Romney and his friends are extraordinarily foreign.
Why can't these people learn to be Americans?
 

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News Item: Mitt Romney takes a moment in his convention speech to thank American taxpayers for the federal bailout that saved his Bain & Co. early in the going.
Wait. Sorry.
That's not quite right.
Romney failed to mention the bailout.
He said something instead about how he built that.
 

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News Item: University of Michigan announces that the retired football numbers of Gerald Ford (48), Bernie Oosterban (47) and Ron Kramer (87) will be unretired and issued this season.
Add posterity to the list of things that aren't what they used to be.
 

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News Headline: "Clint Eastwood will be surprise guest at Republican Convention."
News Headline: "Mystery speaker will be Clint Eastwood."
And add surprises and mysteries to the list of things that aren't what they used to be.
 

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News Headline: "U.S. manure shortage affects cow-chip throw."
What did we expect when we started diverting it to Tampa and Charlotte?
 

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QT Digest of Rush Limbaugh's Wednesday Show (for Your Convenience):
"Folks, I'm going literally insane here."
Limbaugh is being too hard on himself.
Dishonesty rarely involves insanity.
 

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News Headline: "The GOP convention's most eye-catching hats."
Did your attention start to wander a little, too?
 

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News Headline: "Research pinpoints brain's gullibility center."
Put it this way:
The next time you see someone wearing a sweatshirt that says "STOP OBAMA'S SOCIALISM" or "HONK IF YOU WANT TO SEE OBAMA'S BIRTH CERTICATE," think of the ventromedial area of the prefrontal cortex.
 

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News Headline: "Federal court rejects Florida voter restrictions."
News Headline: "Federal court rejects Texas voter ID law.
The activist judges are at it again.
What have we come to when a state's duly elected governor can't rig his own state's elections?
 

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The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators:
A Nebraska preschool informed a three-year-old deaf boy that when he is signing his name, Hunter, by pointing out his index fingers, he is violation of the school's weapons policy.
 

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News Headline: "Man dressed as Neptune talks about the evils of fluoride."
Wasn't he the speaker between Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul?
 

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QT Vote Count Countdown Update (Republican Convention Edition):
News Headline: "Was the GOP dumb to plan its convention in Florida during the hurricane season?"
News Headline: "Paul Ryan's hardline abortion views: Will they hurt Romney?"
News Headline: "Are 'Swift Boat' attacks on Obama bogus?"
News Headline: "Mitt Ryan's zero support from blacks: Can he still win?"
News Headline: "Can a speech overcome Mitt's image?"
News Headline: "Is party's platform an albatross for Mitt Romney?"
Yes, yes, yes, yes, no, yes.
And if any other questions come up, the answer is no.
 

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News Headline: "Donkey causes woman to give man a sound bamboo thrashing."
Barry C., a Tinley Park reader, writes:
"Does this mean that the donkey days of summer are with us, now that the dog days have passed?"
No. The donkey days are next week — once we are through these elephant days.
After that, until Nov. 6, expect day after day of weasels and loons.
 

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News Headline: "2012 presidential election: 5 reasons race has become a big issue."
1. Republican leaders think of racism as a campaign technique.
2. Republican leaders think of racism as a campaign technique.
3. Republican leaders think of racism as a campaign technique.
4. Republican leaders think of racism as a campaign technique.
5. Republican leaders think of racism as a campaign technique.
And there is a sixth reason:
Republican leaders think of racism as a campaign technique.
 

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From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ There were 143 logs in the log cabin where Abraham Lincoln was born.
+ There are 54 strip clubs in Tampa, Fla.
 

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Today's Birthdays: Caligula, 2,000; Department of Housing and Urban Development, 47.
 

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QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
+ P.S., a Montreal reader who earlier warned that there is always a "the" in front of The Glenlivet, writes in answer to QT's wondering what a group of bottles of The Glenlivet should be called:
"A clan of Glenlivets."
+ R.F., a Chicago reader, writes:
"A hangover of Glenlivets."
+ M.C., a Milwaukee reader, writes:
"Easy. A case of Glenlivets."
A group of raccoons is a gaze of raccoons, by the way.

Write to QT at qt@wbez.org
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