The end is (not) near

September 12, 2012


QT Digest of Tea Party Pronouncements (for Your Convenience):
"America is threatened as never before. . . tearing apart this republic. . . . only way to save America from destruction. . . may be lost forever. . . ."
OK. Enough.
We faced a worse economic collapse in the 1930s.
We faced worse debts after World War II.
We faced worse foreign threats during World War II and the Cold War.
We got through that.
We'll get through this.
Tea Party nervous nellies notwithstanding.
 

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We Have Seen the Present, and It Does Not Work:
A borough council in West Sussex, England, ordered that all park benches under trees be moved because of the risk that someone sitting on a bench under a tree might be hit by a branch that might fall from the tree.
 

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Bill Savage, a Chicago reader, regarding QT's suggestion that the upcoming documentary based on Roger Ebert's memoir be called Scoop Dreams, writes:
"No. It should be Thumb and Thumber. Or Thumber of  '42. Or Roger and Us. OK. I'll stop now."
You have started QT thinking:
There is always: The Thumb Also Rises.
 

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News Headline: "Would Romney keep parts of Obamacare?"
Yes and no.
Why should this be different from any other issue?
 

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News Item: ". . . . it is disconcerting to learn that while 73 percent of Americans can name the Three Stooges, only 42 percent can name the three branches of government. . . ."
Not disconcerting.
All we have to do is adapt.
Think of the executive branch as Moe, the judicial as Larry and the legislative as Curly.
Now we just have to reword slightly the news:
News Headline: "Moe pushes Curly on housing."
News Headline: "Moe hits Larry over campaign finance."
News Headline: "Larry stands tough, slaps Curly."
It's all starting to make sense now.
 

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News Item: "Bill passes changing 'retardation' to 'intellectual disability.' "
As we continue slowly to reduce our language to words that say nothing plainly.
 

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Rush Limbaugh explaining that the election is all about President Obama:
"Mitt Romney, the best thing he can do is remember the election isn't about him. He may as well be Elmer Fudd as far as we're concerned."
Not quite.
Figure Elmer Fudd wouldn't be afraid to show his tax returns.
 

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News Item: ". . .  arrested for assault. . . . his arrangement is set for Oct. 18. . . ."
News Item: ". . . is in jail awaiting his arrangement on federal charges. . . "
If you find a good enough lawyer and the right judge, almost anything can be arranged.
 

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QT What Passes for Miracles These Days Update;
An image of Jesus has been discovered on a discarded green kitchen tile in Westlake Village, Calif.
 

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News Headline: "Jeb Bush on W: 'He kept us safe.' "
News Headline: "New documents show Bush ignored numerous warnings before before 9/11."
Well. Except for that.
 

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K.W., a Denver reader, writes:
"Teachers in Chicago's public schools are on strike. Don't you have truancy laws? Shouldn't parents be required to get their kids to a functioning school?"
You ask a lot from these parents.
Even without a strike, Chicago is not known for functioning schools.
 

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QT Early Warning System:
"Atlas Shrugged, Part II."
 

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News Headline: Study: Smoking marijuana increases risk of testicular cancer, but cocaine reduces risk."
So explain to the police officer that you are in possession of  medicinal cocaine to treat the side-effects of your medicinal marijuana.
Everything will work itself out.
 

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From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ The United States averaged 12,800 more business bankruptcies a year under President Reagan than it has under President Obama.
+ Emily Post liked to play the banjo.
 

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Beware the ides of International Gay Square Dance Month.
 

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QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Headline: "Bush-onomics still to blame, many Americans agree."
News Headline: "Steak-onomics: Is a $70 steak worth it?"
News Headline: "LeBron-onomics: The truth behind the King's move to Miami."
News Headline: "Oil slick-onomics: The best and worst Gulf spill scenarios."
Almost a scandal how overused the suffix has become.
Almost an Onomicsgate.
The correct  baseball past tense of "fly" is "flied," by the way.

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