News Headline: "Obama won't meet with world leaders at U.N."
News Headline: "Obama adviser: 'If he met with one leader, he would have to meet with 10.' "
News Headline: "Romney's welfare claim 'patently false and misleading,' welfare expert says."
News Headline: "Romney adviser: 'If he told the truth on one issue, he would have to tell the truth on 10.' "
Made the last one up.
News Headline: "Plague of mice spreading."
News Headline: "More snakes around than at any other time of year."
News Headline: "Congress heads for election recess."
There is a reasonable explanation for everything.
News Headline: "Sign up now for swine castration seminar."
Otherwise known as congressional reform.
News Headline: "Seminario nacional sobre patriotismo de Kim Jong Il."
Name another column that provides you with North Korean news in Spanish.
Rich Rzadzki, a Chicago reader, writes:
"Every time I read or hear the words, 'Intelligent Designer,' I have a vision of Wile E. Coyote poring over plans from Acme Manufacturing. . . ."
In other news, scientists have discovered a "vampire squid that feasts on feces and mucus."
So when we hear the words "Intelligent Designer," maybe we should have a vision of Wile E. Coyote on crystal meth.
News Item: Campbell Soup closes plant and cuts the jobs of 700 workers to "improve supply chain productivity" and "increase asset utilization."
The Supreme Court may be right about corporations being people.
But some of us are particular about the kind of people we hang out with.
The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators:
More than half of 2012 high school graduates are not qualified to succeed at the college level, according to new studies by the SAT and ACT testing organizations.
And while we are at it, let's add, just this once, the words "and a Lot of Parents" after "Modern School Administrators."
News Headline: "Samuel L. Jackson's pro-Obama ad: Wake the 'F--- Up!' "
Or have you had it with all the takes on this campaign?
W.S., a Chicago reader, regarding the recently settled Chicago Symphony strike, writes:
"I'm just glad the musicians union didn't let management string them along."
And G.S., a Chicago reader, writes:
"Why didn't they call City Hall and get Da Mer to settle it?"
Stop it now.
News Headline: "Catholic bishop in Illinois: A vote for Obama is a vote for the devil."
From the Internal Revenue Code 501(3)(c) on tax-exemption requirements for churches:
". . . may not participate in any campaign activity for or against political candidates. . . ."
We can only hope His Excellency keeps this up.
Could help with the national debt.
News Item: An unnamed Republican senator puts secret hold on bill to provide veterans with annual cost-of-living adjustments.
Why do the Republicans hate our troops and America?
Modern Education + the Criminal Mind =
A young man who was asked his age while being questioned by Lakeville, Minn., police answered that he was "19. . . no, 21."
QT Digest of Rush Limbaugh's Show (for Your Convenience):
". . . morons. . . dumb. . . stupid. . . idiots. . . cowards. . . liar. . . idiots. . . lie. . . idiot. . . stupid. . . ."
This is a digest from one show and part of the next, the better to follow the thread of his argument.
News Headline: "Obama campaign accuses Republicans of smear tactics."
News Headline: "Romney accuses Obama of running smear and dirt campaign."
News Headline: "Dems hope Tea Party becomes a stain on the GOP."
News Headline: "GOP ad man explains spots."
We will be a long time cleaning up after this year's collection of candidates.
Especially the spots, which can stubborn.
QT Modern Corporate Gibberish of the Week:
Accedo and Velocis announced acquisitions.
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Headline: "State efforting new illegal drug crackdown."
News Headline: "Republicans efforting votes around valley."
Put it this way: Anyone who uses "effort" as a verb is erroring.
And is it time for QT's annual reminder that it is ketchup, not catsup?
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