Sounds like a reasonable explanation

October 1, 2012


News Headline: "Ryan on Romney's tax plan: 'It would take me too long' to explain the math."
In other news, the dog threw up on his foreign policy.
 

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News Headline: "Diplomat threatened by angry mob."
All right.
What mob in the Middle East went crazy this time?
Getting tired of it, aren't you?
Wait. What?
It happened in New York City to a diplomat from Iran?
Sorry.
 

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News Headline: "Most Republicans believe climate change a 'hoax.' "
News Headline: "A majority of Republicans reject evolution."
News Headline: "Republicans question validity of polls."
And haven't you always had suspicions about the second law of thermodynamics?
 

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News Headline (2009): "Obama: Wall Street 'greed' won't be tolerated."
News Headline (2010): "Why have so many Obama advisers made millions on Wall Street?"
News Headline (2011): "Why no Wall Street prosecutions?"
News Headline (2012): "Wall Street braces for Obama win."
Braces for what, exactly?
 

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Ellen Hinsch, a Columbia, S.C., reader, regarding  Samuel L. Jackson's video for President Obama — and QT's wondering if Americans might tire of  too many "takes on the campaign" — writes:
"Stop it. Stop it now. Some of us remember the last go-round between this column and a certain movie title."
Wait.
Do you want this to be a case where QT forsakes a refrain?
 

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News Item: ". . . studies showing that people with tattoos are more likely to be heavy drinkers. . . ."
Or could it be that heavy drinkers are more likely to wake up with tattoos?

 

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News Item: ". . . No resolution emerged to avert $55 billion in cuts to a defense budget of roughly $600 billion. . . ."
This has to be averted somehow.
It  means the United States would no longer spend more on defense than the next 10 nations combined.
Only the next eight nations combined.
 

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News Headline: "Disney giving 90 cents of every Florida political dollar to Republicans."
No.
There will be no references here to a political platform that seemed written by Uncle Scrooge and Goofy.
QT will not succumb to this temptation.
 

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The Sub-Bureau for Rapid Service and Predictions of Earth Orientation of the International Earth Rotation Service has announced that there will no leap second added to civil time at midnight December 31.
QT had plans for that second, too.
 

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QT Early Warning System:
Mitt Romney is  practicing "zingers" for the first presidential debate.
 

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News Headline: ". . . throw off the yolk of colonial rule. . . ."
News Headline: ". . . independence from the yolk of colonial rule. . . ."
So on top of everything else, colonial rule is bad for the arteries.
 

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News Headline: "Poll: 44 percent of Americans support domestic surveillance drones."
The government may want to keep a special eye on this 44 percent, just the same.
Never know. Might need to round them up someday.
They won't mind.
 

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News Headline: "Justin Bieber throws up twice onstage during his act."
QT is suddenly a fan.
How many stars have this kind of self-awareness?

 

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News Item: ". . .  volunteers worldwide have collected 55 million cigarette butts, which if stacked vertically, would be as tall as 3,613 Empire State Buildings. . . ."
Or 741,677 Shaquille O'Neals, if you are still trying to visualize it.
 

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From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ Iranians are not Arabs.
+ Elephants can sleep standing up, but lie down to dream.

 

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QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
T.A., a Chicago reader, writes:
"Is there anything that can be done to stop people from using the word 'awesome' for everything all the time? What will we have left to describe what happens when the Mayans end the world in a couple of months?"
Try this:
Like, really awesome.
When you reiterate something, by the way, you are saying it for at least the third time.

Write to QT at qt@wbez.org
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