Zay N. Smith

Look! Up in the sky! It's—

By: Zay N. Smith | May. 14, 2012

May. 14, 2012


News Headline: "Asteroids pose less risk to Earth than thought."
As we look forward to the day when thought poses less risk to Earth than asteroids.
In other news, Asteroid JU2012 was discovered as it passed between Earth and the moon on Sunday. . .

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News Item: Chicago Police to meet NATO summit crowds with an acoustic device emitting a "loud deterrent sound" that can prove "harmful" with prolonged exposure.
Couldn't Chicago save money if it just invited Rush Limbaugh over for the weekend?

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The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators:
Teachers at a school in Bedfordshire, England, have been instructed not to correct more than three misspellings on any student paper "in order that the children’s self-confidence is not damaged."

 

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News Headline: "Romney reverses stance."
News Headline: "Romney switches positions again."
News Headline: "Romney closes in on nomination."
Say this for Mitt Romney:
He has brought innovation to the Party of Lincoln, where a candidate can now fool:

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And looking beyond 2012. . .

By: Zay N. Smith | May. 10, 2012

May. 10, 2012

News Headline: "Liz Cheney eyes politics."
News Headline: "Kim Kardashian eyes politics."
Fair warning to avert ours.

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News Headline:  ". . . arrested on drug charges."
News Headline:  ". . . charged with battery."
News Headline:  ". . . faces weapons count."
News Headline:  ". . . charged with robbery."
News Headline:  ". . . arrested for theft."
In other college football news. . . .

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News Headline: "Romney apologizes for 'hijinks and pranks' after report that he bullied student during high school."
QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:

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Four years and counting. . .

By: Zay N. Smith | May. 9, 2012

May. 9, 2012

News Headline: "Why no Wall Street prosecutions?"
News Headline: "Obama and the Dems in bed with Wall Street?"
No, no, no, no.
We have to get this straight.
It is the Republicans who are in bed with Wall Street.
The Democrats like to curl up at the foot of the bed.

 

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News Item: "Dr. Seuss' 'Yertle the Turtle' has been deemed too political for a Canada school district. . . ."
This is the passage that caused an elementary school to ban the story:

I know, up on top you are seeing great sights,
But down here at the bottom we, too, should have rights.

Good catch.
Now we know Dr. Seuss had a hidden radical socialist agenda.
What do you think his other stories might have been hiding?

 

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News Headline: "Physicists show standard 'quasiparticle' theory breaks down at quantum critical point."
Tell us something we don't know.

 

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Who’s back? No. QT’s on second

By: Zay N. Smith | May. 7, 2012

May. 7, 2012

News Item: ". . . for the sake of bipartisan comity. . . ."
News Item: ". . . fiscal comity in our federal system. . . ."
News Item: ". . . to build international comity. . . ."
Whenever you see the word "comity" in a news story, replace it with "comedy."
You will never go wrong.

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News Item: QT column leaves the Chicago Sun-Times.
News Item: QT column arrives at Chicago Public Media--WBEZ.org.
Z.N.S., a Chicago reader, writes:
"It's good to have you back. It's hard to start the day without you."
QT knows what you mean.
And it will work to achieve comity where it can.

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News Headline: "Gang leader sentenced to life."
News Headline: "Pimp faces record prison sentence."
News Headline: "Trial of accused mob boss opens."
Mitt Romney is right.
These are tough times for job creators.

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News Item: ". . .  Texting has facilitated a new breed of romance so poetic in nature that if Shakespeare were alive today he would have been inspired to write. . ."

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