I conquer yet another media format

May 21, 2008

Yes, I'm excited to have an hour-long special preempting Eight Forty-Eight this Monday. But when management asked me to write for their new blog thing, I thought you've got to be kidding me. Award winning journalists don't blog. Leave that to the kids in Ukrainian Village. But truth be told, they didn't really ask me, they forced me. So I thought of something to blog about: why I deserve the chance to shine that I'm finally getting. If you have been listening to this radio station since the 80s, you know that I am by far the most talented, credible, and charismatic host on the airwaves. I have more charisma in my little toe then Steve Edmonds, Gabriella Spritzer and the entire staff of Worldpoint combined. People have criticized me for not playing office politics. It's not that I won't play office politics, it's that I don't know how to. If someone taught me, I'd win every time. But who needs office politics when you have my hour-long special Studio 312, which airs Monday at 9am and again at 8pm. Once management hears this, I'll probably be in line to replace All Things Considered. Because not only can I do news, I can be funny AND I can do the news in a funny way. And do funny in a newsy way. I'm just that good. For those people at the station who have pretended to be my friends all these years, I ask you to be real and stop saying things like "It's just a special" or "It's only on because of the holiday" or "don't get too confident about your show and put others down because it could really come back to haunt you". My response is this: Those people are obviously jealous. They are probably on drugs. I couldn't stand any of you. If I were in charge, none of you would be here. When I get real famous from this special and move to Hollywood or wherever, I will remember"¦nothing. Not the people, not the studio, not the Pier in the summer time. When that day comes you'll be lucky if I even BLOG about you. Now if you don't mind, I have to go prepare for my meeting with management that will surely happen on Tuesday, after they hear the special on Monday. Should I ask for stock options? The company yacht? Nah, it's public radio. I'll just ask for a mailbox.