News Item: Paul Ryan praises Mitt Romney for having "the courage, the integrity, the honesty" to lead the United States.
That reminds QT.
It hasn't checked lately on the hitting, the pitching, the fielding of the Chicago Cubs.
QT Early Warning System:
Two Russian satellites, Ekspress MD2 and Telkcom-3, each the size of a small car, have failed to achieve proper orbit and will come down soon with large chunks surviving re-entry.
But scientists at this point have little idea of where or when.
So there is nothing to worry about.
News Headline: "U.S. will not prosecute Goldman Sachs for fraud."
News Headline: "Why no prosecutions on Wall Street?"
Don't jump to conclusions.
Rest assured, there is a logical explanation for President Obama's continued avoidance of Wall Street prosecutions.
Not an attractive one.
But a logical one.
News Headline: "Ohio limits early voting hours in Democratic counties, expands it in Republican counties."
We owe thanks to the Republican state leaders.
At least someone is determined to stop vote fraud, even if an election has to be rigged to do it.
J.F., a Falls Church, Va., reader, regarding QT's wondering if there are any Illinois jokes to go with the Iowa and Indiana and Wisconsin jokes, writes:
"There are no Illinois jokes going around because you put your governors behind bars."
Virginia jokes, anyone?
News Headline: "Lady Gaga arrives in Bulgaria."
News Headline: "Lady Gaga: I know nothing about Bulgaria."
Whatever is happening with your day, just stop for a moment and know that somewhere, at this moment, Lady Gaga and Bulgaria are learning about each other.
News Headline: "Obama aims to define Romney as rich, out of touch."
News Headline: "Iowa farmer gives Romney tour of drought-stricken corn field."
Does this sound like an out-of-touch candidate?
Wait. Almost forgot.
The Iowa farmer owns 54 farms.
From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ Wisconsin drivers ran over 18 bald eagles in 1999.
+ Stars scream when they fall into black holes.
News Headline: "Man lights toilet seat on fire for religious reasons."
There is probably an interesting story behind that.
J.B., a Blue Ridge, Ga., reader, noting the Tea Party complaints about a lack of stars and stripes on the uniforms of the U.S. Olympic team, recommends a look at the U.S. Flag Code, which directs that "no part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform."
Law-abiding patriots know when the flag should be waived.
QT Modern Corporate Gibberish of the Week:
Increased revenues are reported at Inuvo and Astix.
News Headline: "Man arrested after attacking bartender with banjo."
News Headline: "Man arrested for beating roommate with ukulele."
Police said there was no evidence the two attacks were planned in concert.
QT Summer Travel Advisory:
Six days remain until the Honesdale, Pa., Oktoberfest.
News Item: ". . . distant, fainter galaxies can be seen in. . . ."
A reminder that we are faint and distant, seen from where we're looking at.
QT Worldwide Man-Bites-Dog Pinpoint Locator:
The dog days of summer ended Saturday with no new reports of a man biting a dog.
During the dog days just finished, a man bit a dog in Rio Rancho., N.M., and another man bit another dog in Superior, Wis.
And a woman threw a dog in Glastonbury, Conn.
All the dogs are OK.
This just in:
A dog may have eaten a man's false teeth in Athens, Ga.
There are 324 days to go until the next dog days..
Beware the ides of National Simplify Your Life Month.
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
From a call to Tom and Ray Magliozzi's Car Talk radio show, which will stop broadcasting new episodes in a few weeks:
CALLER: "It's a 1994 Nissan Altima. I have no mechanical problems with it, but there is a problem between my mom and I--"
TOM: "My mom and me."
You will be missed, Click and Clack.
Cliques and claques used to be the same thing, by the way, but aren't anymore.
Write to QT at email@example.com
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.