A funny thing is happening to Mitt Romney on his way to Florida: ¡He is becoming so aware of Latino voters, that he’s practically becoming Latino himself!
Oh, wait, amigos -- ¡Mitt is suddenly so Latino that he’s eligible for Mexican citizenship!
¿You think I’m kidding?
Although up to now about the only time he’s mentioned Latinos is to say NO (a word conveniently the same in both English and Spanish), in one of his last appearances in New Hampshire, ¡he dropped the little known fact that his dad was born in Mexico!
Yup, suddenly, Romney’s so one of us, he’s even spawned a pinche parody @MexicanMitt Twitter account (¡coño, broderrrrrr ... ! [Okay, fine, that's a little Caribbean ...]).
Honest, carnales, I’m not making this up. See, Mitt’s dad, the estimable George, was born in a Mormon colony in Mexico that had been established when the U.S. was persecuting Latter Day Saints for polygamy.
I know, you’re thinking, un minuto, amigos, ¿didn’t George Romney run for the presidency of los Estados Unidos back in 1968? Sí, sí, sí -- and here’s what Wikipedia says about his eligibility:
“While Romney was born in Mexico, he was still considered a viable and legal candidate for United States president. His Mormon grandfather and his three wives had fled to Mexico in 1886, but none of them ever relinquished U.S. citizenship. While the Constitution requires that a president must be a natural-born, the first Congress of the United States in 1790 passed legislation stating: "The children of citizens of the United States that may be born beyond the sea, or outside the limits of the United States, shall be considered as natural-born citizens of the United States." Romney and his family fled Mexico in 1912 prior to the Mexican Revolution. However, the Naturalization Act of 1795 repealed the Act of 1790 and removed the language explicitly stating that the children of U.S. citizens are natural-born citizens. As such, it is not clear that Romney was actually eligible for the office of president.”
Oh, dios -- ¡it looks like Señor Romney may have been illegally running to be presidente!
But what’s not illegal is that Mitt can go to any Mexican consulate right now and apply for citizenship, ¡because friendly Mexico welcomed his outlaw ancestors! That’s right: Because Mitt’s father was born in Mexico, all Mitt has to do to become an official mexicano is register at a consulate and have a little bit of patience and, ¡Órale!
In fact, Mitt still has a bunch of bilingual primos in Mexico whom he’s never visited and think he’s a cabrón for not supporting the Dream Act and other immigration reform.
Going into Florida, though, Mitt isn’t playing Mexican -- ¡he’s playing Cuban! His Spanish-language ad features the Cuban-American terrible trio, the Diaz-Balart brothers and Ileana Ros-Lehtinen. (How Third World are the Diaz-Balart brothers? Well, when Lincoln decided to retire, he just handed his district over to his brother, whose own district had been drawn a lot less Cuban. Kinda reminds you of another baton passing, ¿verdad? ¿Qué? ¿You didn’t know the Diaz-Balarts are Fidel Castro’s nephews?*)
Will any of this help Mitteo? Jajajajaja!
* Seriously NOT making that up.