Living

March 6, 2009

Louder Than a Bomb

Matthew Ramir

Poet: Matthew Ramir, 17

This is Mathew's first year participating in Louder Than a Bomb. He is a senior at Northside College Prep High School.


Living
Ruptured uterus
The worst thing a doctor can tell an expecting mother
Disabled
The worst thing the doctor can call her child
But he did
and as the words leaked from his lips,
Hope hemorrhaged from my parents hearts,
declaring that I am going nowhere
because living is impossible
and even with a miracle
I will never walk or talk, or do anything for myself
As though god grabbed my neck and said sorry kid aint no place for you
But I didnt listen
I held my breath and prayed, Please! I wont give up if you dont give up
So science saved me
Science- Cut my mother open
And pulled me out
Science- Laid me on the table,
stuck the tubes where they fit
twisted them around each other
and hooked them into large machines
Make me real while
Mother, lays in the next room, has seen this through nurses eyes, has seen how common it is and knows the result, knows the best case scenario is normally the worst
Insides torn to pieces, doctors place them together,
Making sure they look somewhat like a diagram before continuing, sewing this thing back into a woman
Father stands just outside, unsure whether to watch his first love on a silver table being reassembled,
or his only son, with machines breathing for him and pumping blood through his veins
his only son silently screaming because the tubes make sound impossible
his only son smiling because he knows something his father doesnt
Mom, dad, im going to be ok-
Im going to be laughed at the rest of my life
Im going to cry every night for years
I will have eyes constantly following me, mouths asking Why?, and hands twisting, imitating a contorted shape like mine, trying to understand
Im going to be applauded for doing simple things
Im going to be glorified for doing amazing things
Im going to walk
Im going to talk
Im going to tie my own shoes
Im going to be normal
I am going to live

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