WBEZ | marriage http://www.wbez.org/tags/marriage Latest from WBEZ Chicago Public Radio en Interracial lesbian couple falls in love http://www.wbez.org/series/storycorps/interracial-lesbian-couple-falls-love-110385 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/main-images/StoryCorps 140620 Angela Virginia_bh.jpg" alt="" /><p><p>&ldquo;There are lots of things about the queer community that I love and there are lots of things I don&rsquo;t love. I think there tends to be a big emphasis on looks and size,&rdquo; Angela Ibrahim says in this week&rsquo;s StoryCorps.</p><p>&ldquo;You tend to see people who look alike together. And if there are two people who don&rsquo;t look alike &ndash; It&rsquo;s Virginia and I. I&rsquo;m six feet tall and I&rsquo;m a big kid. Virginia is five (foot), five (inches), small and blond. So, we don&rsquo;t look alike.&rdquo;</p><p>There are other differences too: Angela is black and Virginia is white.</p><p>Angela grew up in the suburbs, while Virginia grew up in the city.</p><p>There are similarities as well. Both women work in higher education and both have brothers who have been to prison.</p><p>Angela says for a while after they met, though, she thought they could never be together because of their differences.</p><p>In this week&rsquo;s StoryCorps, recorded at the Chicago Cultural Center, where the women were visiting from Wisconsin, Angela and Virginia express fear and excitement about their impending wedding and their families&rsquo; reactions.</p><p>&ldquo;I never really envisioned myself marrying someone,&rdquo; Virginia says. &ldquo;And even though I didn&rsquo;t have a vision for it, I know that when I&rsquo;m with you, I feel like it&rsquo;s gonna be okay&hellip;It just makes sense, and I trust that.&rdquo;</p><iframe frameborder="no" height="450" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/playlists/6250422&amp;color=ff5500&amp;auto_play=false&amp;hide_related=false&amp;show_artwork=true&amp;show_comments=true&amp;show_user=true&amp;show_reposts=false" width="100%"></iframe></p> Fri, 20 Jun 2014 10:41:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/series/storycorps/interracial-lesbian-couple-falls-love-110385 Husband and wife battle Alzheimer's together http://www.wbez.org/series/storycorps/husband-and-wife-battle-alzheimers-together-110260 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/main-images/Capture_10.PNG" alt="" /><p><p>Ben Ferguson, 66, and his wife of more than four decades, Robyn, 64, grew up in Texas. It&rsquo;s where they met and fell in love. About a year ago, Ben was diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer&rsquo;s disease. And so the couple moved to Chicago to be closer to their daughter and grandchildren. They recently came to the StoryCorps booth in the Chicago Cultural Center to relive Ben&rsquo;s earliest memories, and to describe what the disease has meant for their family.</p><p>Alzheimer&rsquo;s disease, which negatively impacts the brain&rsquo;s ability to remember things, may affect more than five million Americans, according to the&nbsp;<a href="http://www.nia.nih.gov/alzheimers/publication/alzheimers-disease-fact-sheet" target="_blank">National Institute on Aging.</a> That number is growing, however, and could reach as many as 16 million by the year 2050, according to the&nbsp;<a href="http://www.alz.org/documents/greaterillinois/statesheet_illinois(1).pdf" target="_blank">Alzheimer&rsquo;s Association of Greater Illinois.</a></p><p>&ldquo;These memories are going to fade,&rdquo; Robyn said. &ldquo;They&rsquo;ve already begun to,&rdquo; Ben said.</p><p>In the booth, the couple talked about how Ben got into all kinds of trouble in elementary and high school. He once wrecked two of the family cars in one day. He was kicked out of several universities, before finding his footing and eventually earning a PhD in Psychology.</p><p>&ldquo;There have always been two sides to you,&rdquo; Robyn said. &ldquo;You&rsquo;re a bad boy. But you&rsquo;re a good boy too. I liked the bad boy first and now I like the good boy better.&rdquo; &ldquo;Yeah, but the bad boy got you,&rdquo; Ben said, laughing.</p><p>When Ben met Robyn, he said it was love at first sight. She thinks the attraction might have been more physical at first. &ldquo;I was pretty sure I wasn&rsquo;t gonna be able to run over you,&rdquo; Ben said. &ldquo;I was definitely sure that you were one of the prettiest women I have ever seen and I had tender feelings toward you.&rdquo; They married two months after meeting. They had two kids, one of whom moved to Chicago.</p><p>Then about a year ago, Ben started showing signs of Alzheimer&rsquo;s. &ldquo;It was the worst thing that&rsquo;s ever happened to me,&rdquo; Ben said. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m still trying to figure out how to deal with it.&rdquo;</p><p>Now, Ben and Robyn live in Chicago and enjoy spending time with their grandkids. Ben participates in some long-term research programs at&nbsp;<a href="http://www.brain.northwestern.edu/" target="_blank">Northwestern University&rsquo;s Cognitive Neurology and Alzheimer&rsquo;s Disease Center (CNADC)</a>. He also takes classes there to help build memory through improvisation and takes part in a buddy program.&nbsp;<a href="https://soundcloud.com/morningshiftwbez/workshop-offers-new-form-of" target="_blank">He and Robyn are part of a storytelling group for Alzheimer&rsquo;s patients and their families.</a></p><p>&ldquo;We&rsquo;ll just keep working on things,&rdquo; Robyn said. &ldquo;I think we&rsquo;re doing really good,&rdquo; he added.</p><p><iframe frameborder="no" height="450" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Fplaylists%2F6250422" width="100%"></iframe></p></p> Fri, 30 May 2014 15:26:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/series/storycorps/husband-and-wife-battle-alzheimers-together-110260 Morning Shift: The lessons of Marriage 101 http://www.wbez.org/programs/morning-shift-tony-sarabia/2014-03-18/morning-shift-lessons-marriage-101-109873 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/main-images/marriage 101 Cover Flickr Paul-W.jpg" alt="" /><p><p>We talk to the professor of a unique class at Northwestern University - Marriage 101. Plus, the past and future of Chicago&#39;s New Regal Theater.</p><div class="storify"><iframe allowtransparency="true" frameborder="no" height="750" src="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-the-lessons-of-marriage-101/embed?header=false" width="100%"></iframe><script src="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-the-lessons-of-marriage-101.js?header=false"></script><noscript>[<a href="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-the-lessons-of-marriage-101" target="_blank">View the story "Morning Shift: The lessons of Marriage 101" on Storify</a>]</noscript></div></p> Tue, 18 Mar 2014 08:44:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/programs/morning-shift-tony-sarabia/2014-03-18/morning-shift-lessons-marriage-101-109873 Morning Shift: The state of marriage http://www.wbez.org/morning-shift-state-marriage-109748 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/main-images/by firemedic58.jpg" alt="" /><p><p>We take a look at the state of the institution of marriage and how divorce could be helping the economy. Plus, the music of Foul Tip.&nbsp;</p><div class="storify"><iframe src="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-the-state-of-marriage/embed?header=false" width="100%" height=750 frameborder=no allowtransparency=true></iframe><script src="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-the-state-of-marriage.js?header=false"></script><noscript>[<a href="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-the-state-of-marriage" target="_blank">View the story "Morning Shift: The state of marriage" on Storify</a>]</noscript></div></p> Fri, 21 Feb 2014 09:12:00 -0600 http://www.wbez.org/morning-shift-state-marriage-109748 Terminal disease hasn’t stopped Chicago couple from seeing the world http://www.wbez.org/series/storycorps/terminal-disease-hasn%E2%80%99t-stopped-chicago-couple-seeing-world-108898 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/main-images/RS7393_susan debra-scr.JPG" alt="" /><p><p>When Susan Schwartz married her husband, he came with kids. One of those kids was Debra Schwartz, who was a star-trek watching teenager, and a bit wary of the new woman in the house.</p><p>The two women visited the Chicago StoryCorps booth to talk about the challenges they faced negotiating their relationship in the early days , and more recently, how Susan and her husband aren&rsquo;t letting a terminal disease slow down their lifestyle.</p><p>Susan Schwartz said she knew her husband was &ldquo;it&rdquo; after they danced together.</p><p><strong>Schwartz</strong>: You can find out a lot about a person by the way they dance with you.</p><p>But that first year of marriage wasn&rsquo;t always easy.</p><p><strong>Debra Schwartz</strong>: You didn&rsquo;t have anything to prepare you to suddenly be my stepmother.&hellip; How did you know how to interact?<br /><strong>Susan Schwartz</strong>: Well, I think it&rsquo;s like everything else, you just roll with the punches.<br /><strong>Debra</strong>: Was I mean to you?<br /><strong>Susan</strong>: Oh, sometimes, sure.</p><p>Even though it was difficult, Susan and her husband made it through a first year, and then a second, she said. Now they&rsquo;re approaching 38 years together.</p><p>The couple still loves to travel. But when they were on a trip to Ecuador, they noticed something alarming.</p><p><strong>Susan</strong>: All of a sudden he didn&rsquo;t understand where we were. It was April, and he thought it was November.</p><p>To find out how what happened next, and more about Susan&rsquo;s&nbsp; wish for her husband, click on the audio above.</p><p><em>Katie Mingle is a producer for WBEZ and the Third Coast Festival.</em></p></p> Mon, 14 Oct 2013 11:36:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/series/storycorps/terminal-disease-hasn%E2%80%99t-stopped-chicago-couple-seeing-world-108898 Local Indian Catholics allege discrimination within their own church http://www.wbez.org/local-indian-catholics-allege-discrimination-within-their-own-church-108652 <p><p>A small group of Indian Catholics is petitioning the Vatican to stop what they claim are discriminatory practices in their U.S. churches. The Knanaya, a small sect estimated at 400,000 worldwide, have concentrated in the Chicago area over the last five decades. Now a rift over whether they should continue their ancient observance of endogamy, where members only marry within their ethnic group, has spilled into public view.</p><p>&ldquo;The Knanaya are essentially a 1700-year old Christian caste,&rdquo; explained Ligy Pullappally, an attorney and Knanite who lives in suburban Chicago. &ldquo;You cannot marry into a Knanaya community and become a Knanaya, you cannot convert to it, because it is a biological-based tradition.&rdquo;</p><p>Pullappally is one of a small, but growing, group of American Knanites who have filed a canonical lawsuit within the Catholic Church&rsquo;s legal system. She and the others have married outside the Knanaya church, an act that they claim has led to discriminatory treatment. In Pullappally&rsquo;s case, her husband is Protestant, and so she says her family is being denied certain rights.</p><p>&ldquo;[T]he right to conduct your wedding at that church, the right to baptize your child at that church,&rdquo; said Pullappally.</p><p>A fellow complainant, Lukose Paret, produced several letters he attempted to send to a priest at one of the two Chicago-area churches, along with receipts showing they were declined and sent back unopened. He and others say they are barred from joining church committees, their homes are shunned during Christmas caroling events, and their children are not welcome to participate in youth activities.</p><p>&ldquo;Basically the Knanaya church is walking a tightrope between maintenance of these age-old endogamous traditions, and knowledge that America is a new land where inclusivity is the rule,&rdquo; said Pullappally.</p><p>The disagreement within the church spilled onto the streets in March, however, when several hundred Knanaya rallied outside their bishop&rsquo;s house in Elmhurst. The protest was in response to a letter issued by Bishop Jacob Angadiath, who oversees the St. Thomas Syro-Malabar Catholic Diocese of Chicago. Angadiath had ordered churches in the diocese to be more inclusive of mixed-Knanaya families, or families where only one spouse is a full-blooded Knanaya. Angadiath did not respond to multiple requests for interview.</p><p>&ldquo;It is totally against our principle,&rdquo; said Tomy Myalkarapuram, president of the Knanaya Catholic Congress of North America, a laypeople organization that claims 20,000 members. &ldquo;We have every right to remain as (an) ethnic group and as (an) endogamous group,&rdquo; he added.</p><div class="image-insert-image "><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/Screen%20Shot%202013-09-11%20at%209.26.42%20AM.png" style="height: 224px; width: 300px; float: right;" title="Sacred Heart Knanaya Catholic Parish in Maywood, IL, is one of two Knanaya churches in the greater Chicago area. The Knanaya Catholic church in the U.S. has recently reached new levels of conflict over whether to preserve their ancient tradition of endogamy." /></div><p>Myalkarapuram said endogamy is the essence of the Knanaya community, and that the larger Catholic Church should not ask the Knanaya to sacrifice a defining characteristic of their identity. In fact, since the Knanaya church was folded into the Catholic Church several centuries ago, the concept of endogamy has never sat well with Rome.</p><p>&ldquo;It sounds as if you are excluding people from the church if you have your own separate endogamous church,&rdquo; said Richard Swiderski, an anthropologist who studied Knanaya endogamy in India.</p><p>Swiderski said the Catholic Church held its nose and allowed the Knanaya in India to continue the practice, but that it did not intend for the tradition to be carried over to other countries. However, he noted that any forced change would run afoul of long-held beliefs.</p><p>&ldquo;The practice of endogamy is this very idea that (the Knanaya) represent the pure doctrine, (that) they are hereditary representatives of the pure doctrine,&rdquo; he said. &ldquo;The only way they could maintain that was to continue marrying only among themselves.&rdquo;</p><p>Swiderski said the Knanaya believe they descended from Middle Easterners who settled in southern India in 345 AD., making them racially distinct from other Indians. He said ever since then, they have tried to preserve their spiritual distinction, a belief that they represent a version of Christianity untainted by outside cultures, through endogamy.</p><p>The controversy may ultimately be resolved by people within the community: a younger generation of Knanites who debate whether endogamy makes sense in an American context.</p><p>In the meantime, Pullappally says the church has already lost one of its youngest members -- her son. Days before he was baptized, she explained her decision not to have it done in a Knanaya church.</p><p>&ldquo;He&rsquo;s going to be baptized in a Roman Catholic Church, but not the Knanaya church,&rdquo; said Pullappally.&nbsp; &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t want the occasion of something joyful, like a baptism, to be marred by hostility.&rdquo;</p><p><em>Odette Yousef is WBEZ&rsquo;s North Side Bureau reporter. Follow her <a href="https://twitter.com/oyousef">@oyousef</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/WBEZoutloud">@WBEZoutloud</a>.</em></p></p> Wed, 11 Sep 2013 09:17:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/local-indian-catholics-allege-discrimination-within-their-own-church-108652 Morning Shift: New book offers lessons on surviving infidelity http://www.wbez.org/programs/morning-shift-tony-sarabia/2013-07-02/morning-shift-new-book-offers-lessons-surviving <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/main-images/Noel_Shush -courtesy of ashleymadison.com_.jpg" alt="" /><p><p>Cheating can be a devastating blow to not just your relationship, but your ego as well. How do you pick up the pieces and move on? Also, with the digital age upon us, how do news organizations keep up with the times?&nbsp;</p><script src="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-surviving-infidelity.js?header=false"></script><noscript>[<a href="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-surviving-infidelity" target="_blank">View the story "Morning Shift: New book offers lessons on surviving infidelity" on Storify</a>]</noscript></p> Tue, 02 Jul 2013 10:05:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/programs/morning-shift-tony-sarabia/2013-07-02/morning-shift-new-book-offers-lessons-surviving Husbands and birthday cakes http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2013-04/husbands-and-birthday-cakes-106637 <p><p>This weekend, I was celebrating my birthday (which is today, but you knew that already) with some friends. My pal Julie presented a beautiful birthday cake she had made me, confiding that she had gotten clearance from my husband to make the cake ahead of time. I&#39;ll just present to you, without commentary, the email exchange that went down to ensure that this cake was approved by Steve.</p><div><div><div><blockquote><p>On 4/12/13 1:00 PM, Julie wrote:</p></blockquote><blockquote>Hey Steve,<br /><br />I was just wondering if you were getting a cake for Claire&#39;s birthday on Monday or this weekend or anything. &nbsp;The reason I&#39;m asking is because I wanted to make a cake to surprise her with for our Supper Club on Saturday night but I didn&#39;t want to a) overload Claire with cakes and b) steal the real cake&#39;s thunder.<br /><br />Please advise.<br /><br />THANKS!<br />Julie</blockquote><div><div><blockquote><p>From: Steve<br />Date: Fri, Apr 12, 2013 at 1:55 PM<br />Subject: Re: question<br />To: Julie<br /><br />Hey Julie,<br /><br />I really appreciate how thoughtful, intelligent, and capable you somehow have come to think I am. I would barely even know where to buy a cake, let alone how to make one, so I&#39;ll absolutely leave it to the professionals. That&#39;ll be infinitely better than anything I come up with for her (likely half of a cookie, tucked inside a folded paper plate).<br /><br />Though maybe now you&#39;ve given me a challenge and I have to out do your cake!<br /><br /><span class="HOEnZb"><font color="#888888">- Steve</font></span></p></blockquote><div class="HOEnZb"><div class="h5">&nbsp;</div></div></div><div>And here is the cake that Julie somehow thought Steve would be capable of matching. Maybe next year, Steve!</div><div>&nbsp;</div><div><div class="image-insert-image "><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/cake.jpg" title="" /></div></div></div></div></div></div><p>&nbsp;</p></p> Mon, 15 Apr 2013 08:51:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2013-04/husbands-and-birthday-cakes-106637 List: Recipes my husband has deemed acceptable http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2013-04/list-recipes-my-husband-has-deemed-acceptable-106532 <p><div class="image-insert-image "><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/photo4.jpg" style="height: 465px; width: 620px;" title="A crucial recipe notation. (Courtesy of the author)" /></div><p>My husband used to be a picky eater, to the point where we&#39;d cumulatively stress out each time we went out to a restaurant that wasn&#39;t vetted by him, in case there wasn&#39;t something on the menu he liked. Fortunately for our marriage, he&#39;s let down his guard a lot. He&#39;s learned that eating new things won&#39;t kill him, that most food is good and, if not, he can always go to Subway later.</p><p>But back before he evolved, I used to note which recipes in my binder met his approval. Now, looking at how long this list is, I think I can stop calling him picky.</p><p><a href="http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/turkey-salad-manchego-00000000037810/index.html">Turkey Salad with Manchego</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/pea-feta-prosciutto-salad-00000000054468/index.html">Pea, Feta and Crispy Prosciutto Salad</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchens/smashed-pesto-potatoes-recipe/index.html">Pesto Smashed Potatoes</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/pasta-e-fagioli-recipe/index.html">Pasta E Fagioli</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes/beef_bean_chile_verde.html">Beef &amp; Bean Chile Verde</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/slow-cooker-white-bean-soup-with-andouille-and-collards-00000000052371/index.html">White Bean Soup with Andouille and Collards</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.marthastewart.com/337238/pork-paprikash">Pork Paprikash</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Plantain-Picadillo-Pie-with-Cheese-234803">Plaintain Picadillo Pie with Cheese</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.freshtart.net/Pot-Roast-Sherry-Onions-Thyme-Sour-Cream-11104164">Pot Roast with Sherry, Onions, Thyme and Sour Cream</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.marthastewart.com/337283/spice-rubbed-chicken-with-israeli-cousco">Spice-Rubbed Chicken with Israeli Couscous</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.marthastewart.com/344295/chicken-piccata">Chicken Piccata</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.bonappetit.com/recipes/quick-recipes/2010/05/southwest_rice_and_corn_salad_with_lemon_dressing">Southwest Rice and Corn Salad With Lemon Dressing</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/fettuccine-leeks-corn-arugula-recipe-00000000034253/index.html">Creamy Fettuccine with Leeks, Corn and Arugula</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/recipes/8940/Fresh-Fettuccine-With-Butter-Peas-and-Sage-Sauce.html">Fresh Fettuccine With Butter, Peas and Sage Sauce</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.eatliverun.com/penne-with-white-beans-and-spinach/">Pasta with Spinach and White Bean Sauce</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2008/06/zucchini-strand-spaghetti/">Zucchini Strand Spaghetti</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.pbs.org/food/recipes/spaghetti-with-kale-bacon-and-brie-cheese/">Spaghetti with Kale, Bacon and Brie Cheese</a></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p><em>Follow me on Twitter&nbsp;<a href="https://twitter.com/Zulkey">@Zulkey</a>.</em></p></p> Tue, 09 Apr 2013 09:35:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2013-04/list-recipes-my-husband-has-deemed-acceptable-106532 The ever-changing marriage carousel http://www.wbez.org/blogs/bez/2012-10/ever-changing-marriage-carousel-103197 <p><p><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/%28AP%20PhotoMiguel%20Villagran%2CFile%29%20Tom%20and%20Katie.jpg" title="Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise (AP PhotoMiguel Villagran,File)" /></p><p>Growing up in an ethnic/Catholic Chicago neighborhood, divorce simply did not exist. The macabre joke was that the only way out of a marriage was either by death (natural causes) or dismemberment (murder and mayhem). Television in the 1950 and &#39;60s reinforced this marital standard by portraying marriage as a lifelong commitment: <em>The Adventures of&nbsp;Ozzie and Harriet</em> (calm and sturdy); Lucy and Desi from<em> I Love Lucy</em> (frenetic but committed); Rob and Laura from <em>The Dick Van Dyke Show</em> (modern and urbane).</p><p>In todays world much has changed. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the divorce rate of first marriage is around 50 percent; second marriages are at 60 to 67 percent and third marriages are at 73 to 74 pecent. Last February Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes announced they were getting divorced after five years of marriage. The tabloids suggested that the reason for the divorce was a simple one: The couple had entered in a five year contract and time was up! Whether or not this is true, the Cruise/Holmes divorce has sparked a discussion of marriage by contract. Or, as <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/30/fashion/marriage-seen-through-a-contract-lens.html?pagewanted=all&amp;_r=0">the <em>New York Times</em> headline succinctly put it</a>: &ldquo;Till Death, or 20 Years Do Us Part.&rdquo;</p><p>I think that the last 40 years of high divorce rates has forced us, individually and culturally, to rethink divorce &nbsp;and the reasons for getting married in the first place. To begin with, the marriage age is at an all-time high &mdash; 28.7 years for men and 26.5 for women. Part of this, of course, is due to hard economic times. At least part of the reason is that people, especially children of divorced relationships, are simply hesitant to take the plunge. Why make the same mistakes as our parents? Why not just cohabitate? Why not mimic the &#39;90s sitcom <em>Friends</em>? That is, live with your pals well into your 30s and just date around? Why not try to be George Clooney &mdash; keep dating, keep moving? Why get married and stay married unless you really want kids? Why risk living with someone that you might grow to dislike? Why put up with the day to day banalities of domestic existence? Why risk being unhappy? Why risk the &ldquo;change partner and dance&rdquo; divorce carousel? After all, everybody knows that it&rsquo;s almost impossible to get like, lust, and love in one relationship. So why bother?</p><p>OK, I admit it &mdash; I&rsquo;m an incurable romantic. Yes, divorce is scary. Yes, the statistics seem to be stacked against success. But, the real purpose behind marriage, partnership and commitment is the deep-set need to love and be loved in return. Psychologists tell us that we only know ourselves when we try to know and be empathetic with another. Love is not always a &ldquo;splendid thing&rdquo; but it is a necessary ingredient in the life process. So, yes love sometime makes fools of us. Yes, sometimes we are hurt and wind up hurting others. But we are human beings, and we need intimacy and we crave affection.</p><p>I think marriage will change, and must change. And, I hope the divorce rate will change as well for the better, of course. Maybe we will move to contract marriages, or short-term renewable marriages. I&rsquo;m not sure, but I am sure that the need and desire for intimacy and love are an elemental part of the human condition.</p><p><em>Al Gini is a Professor of Business Ethics and Chairman of the Management Department in the Quinlan School of Business at Loyola University Chicago.</em></p></p> Tue, 23 Oct 2012 09:00:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/bez/2012-10/ever-changing-marriage-carousel-103197