WBEZ | marriage http://www.wbez.org/tags/marriage Latest from WBEZ Chicago Public Radio en Morning Shift: The lessons of Marriage 101 http://www.wbez.org/programs/morning-shift-tony-sarabia/2014-03-18/morning-shift-lessons-marriage-101-109873 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/main-images/marriage 101 Cover Flickr Paul-W.jpg" alt="" /><p><p>We talk to the professor of a unique class at Northwestern University - Marriage 101. Plus, the past and future of Chicago&#39;s New Regal Theater.</p><div class="storify"><iframe allowtransparency="true" frameborder="no" height="750" src="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-the-lessons-of-marriage-101/embed?header=false" width="100%"></iframe><script src="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-the-lessons-of-marriage-101.js?header=false"></script><noscript>[<a href="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-the-lessons-of-marriage-101" target="_blank">View the story "Morning Shift: The lessons of Marriage 101" on Storify</a>]</noscript></div></p> Tue, 18 Mar 2014 08:44:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/programs/morning-shift-tony-sarabia/2014-03-18/morning-shift-lessons-marriage-101-109873 Morning Shift: The state of marriage http://www.wbez.org/morning-shift-state-marriage-109748 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/main-images/by firemedic58.jpg" alt="" /><p><p>We take a look at the state of the institution of marriage and how divorce could be helping the economy. Plus, the music of Foul Tip.&nbsp;</p><div class="storify"><iframe src="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-the-state-of-marriage/embed?header=false" width="100%" height=750 frameborder=no allowtransparency=true></iframe><script src="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-the-state-of-marriage.js?header=false"></script><noscript>[<a href="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-the-state-of-marriage" target="_blank">View the story "Morning Shift: The state of marriage" on Storify</a>]</noscript></div></p> Fri, 21 Feb 2014 09:12:00 -0600 http://www.wbez.org/morning-shift-state-marriage-109748 Terminal disease hasn’t stopped Chicago couple from seeing the world http://www.wbez.org/series/storycorps/terminal-disease-hasn%E2%80%99t-stopped-chicago-couple-seeing-world-108898 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/main-images/RS7393_susan debra-scr.JPG" alt="" /><p><p>When Susan Schwartz married her husband, he came with kids. One of those kids was Debra Schwartz, who was a star-trek watching teenager, and a bit wary of the new woman in the house.</p><p>The two women visited the Chicago StoryCorps booth to talk about the challenges they faced negotiating their relationship in the early days , and more recently, how Susan and her husband aren&rsquo;t letting a terminal disease slow down their lifestyle.</p><p>Susan Schwartz said she knew her husband was &ldquo;it&rdquo; after they danced together.</p><p><strong>Schwartz</strong>: You can find out a lot about a person by the way they dance with you.</p><p>But that first year of marriage wasn&rsquo;t always easy.</p><p><strong>Debra Schwartz</strong>: You didn&rsquo;t have anything to prepare you to suddenly be my stepmother.&hellip; How did you know how to interact?<br /><strong>Susan Schwartz</strong>: Well, I think it&rsquo;s like everything else, you just roll with the punches.<br /><strong>Debra</strong>: Was I mean to you?<br /><strong>Susan</strong>: Oh, sometimes, sure.</p><p>Even though it was difficult, Susan and her husband made it through a first year, and then a second, she said. Now they&rsquo;re approaching 38 years together.</p><p>The couple still loves to travel. But when they were on a trip to Ecuador, they noticed something alarming.</p><p><strong>Susan</strong>: All of a sudden he didn&rsquo;t understand where we were. It was April, and he thought it was November.</p><p>To find out how what happened next, and more about Susan&rsquo;s&nbsp; wish for her husband, click on the audio above.</p><p><em>Katie Mingle is a producer for WBEZ and the Third Coast Festival.</em></p></p> Mon, 14 Oct 2013 11:36:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/series/storycorps/terminal-disease-hasn%E2%80%99t-stopped-chicago-couple-seeing-world-108898 Local Indian Catholics allege discrimination within their own church http://www.wbez.org/local-indian-catholics-allege-discrimination-within-their-own-church-108652 <p><p>A small group of Indian Catholics is petitioning the Vatican to stop what they claim are discriminatory practices in their U.S. churches. The Knanaya, a small sect estimated at 400,000 worldwide, have concentrated in the Chicago area over the last five decades. Now a rift over whether they should continue their ancient observance of endogamy, where members only marry within their ethnic group, has spilled into public view.</p><p>&ldquo;The Knanaya are essentially a 1700-year old Christian caste,&rdquo; explained Ligy Pullappally, an attorney and Knanite who lives in suburban Chicago. &ldquo;You cannot marry into a Knanaya community and become a Knanaya, you cannot convert to it, because it is a biological-based tradition.&rdquo;</p><p>Pullappally is one of a small, but growing, group of American Knanites who have filed a canonical lawsuit within the Catholic Church&rsquo;s legal system. She and the others have married outside the Knanaya church, an act that they claim has led to discriminatory treatment. In Pullappally&rsquo;s case, her husband is Protestant, and so she says her family is being denied certain rights.</p><p>&ldquo;[T]he right to conduct your wedding at that church, the right to baptize your child at that church,&rdquo; said Pullappally.</p><p>A fellow complainant, Lukose Paret, produced several letters he attempted to send to a priest at one of the two Chicago-area churches, along with receipts showing they were declined and sent back unopened. He and others say they are barred from joining church committees, their homes are shunned during Christmas caroling events, and their children are not welcome to participate in youth activities.</p><p>&ldquo;Basically the Knanaya church is walking a tightrope between maintenance of these age-old endogamous traditions, and knowledge that America is a new land where inclusivity is the rule,&rdquo; said Pullappally.</p><p>The disagreement within the church spilled onto the streets in March, however, when several hundred Knanaya rallied outside their bishop&rsquo;s house in Elmhurst. The protest was in response to a letter issued by Bishop Jacob Angadiath, who oversees the St. Thomas Syro-Malabar Catholic Diocese of Chicago. Angadiath had ordered churches in the diocese to be more inclusive of mixed-Knanaya families, or families where only one spouse is a full-blooded Knanaya. Angadiath did not respond to multiple requests for interview.</p><p>&ldquo;It is totally against our principle,&rdquo; said Tomy Myalkarapuram, president of the Knanaya Catholic Congress of North America, a laypeople organization that claims 20,000 members. &ldquo;We have every right to remain as (an) ethnic group and as (an) endogamous group,&rdquo; he added.</p><div class="image-insert-image "><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/Screen%20Shot%202013-09-11%20at%209.26.42%20AM.png" style="height: 224px; width: 300px; float: right;" title="Sacred Heart Knanaya Catholic Parish in Maywood, IL, is one of two Knanaya churches in the greater Chicago area. The Knanaya Catholic church in the U.S. has recently reached new levels of conflict over whether to preserve their ancient tradition of endogamy." /></div><p>Myalkarapuram said endogamy is the essence of the Knanaya community, and that the larger Catholic Church should not ask the Knanaya to sacrifice a defining characteristic of their identity. In fact, since the Knanaya church was folded into the Catholic Church several centuries ago, the concept of endogamy has never sat well with Rome.</p><p>&ldquo;It sounds as if you are excluding people from the church if you have your own separate endogamous church,&rdquo; said Richard Swiderski, an anthropologist who studied Knanaya endogamy in India.</p><p>Swiderski said the Catholic Church held its nose and allowed the Knanaya in India to continue the practice, but that it did not intend for the tradition to be carried over to other countries. However, he noted that any forced change would run afoul of long-held beliefs.</p><p>&ldquo;The practice of endogamy is this very idea that (the Knanaya) represent the pure doctrine, (that) they are hereditary representatives of the pure doctrine,&rdquo; he said. &ldquo;The only way they could maintain that was to continue marrying only among themselves.&rdquo;</p><p>Swiderski said the Knanaya believe they descended from Middle Easterners who settled in southern India in 345 AD., making them racially distinct from other Indians. He said ever since then, they have tried to preserve their spiritual distinction, a belief that they represent a version of Christianity untainted by outside cultures, through endogamy.</p><p>The controversy may ultimately be resolved by people within the community: a younger generation of Knanites who debate whether endogamy makes sense in an American context.</p><p>In the meantime, Pullappally says the church has already lost one of its youngest members -- her son. Days before he was baptized, she explained her decision not to have it done in a Knanaya church.</p><p>&ldquo;He&rsquo;s going to be baptized in a Roman Catholic Church, but not the Knanaya church,&rdquo; said Pullappally.&nbsp; &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t want the occasion of something joyful, like a baptism, to be marred by hostility.&rdquo;</p><p><em>Odette Yousef is WBEZ&rsquo;s North Side Bureau reporter. Follow her <a href="https://twitter.com/oyousef">@oyousef</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/WBEZoutloud">@WBEZoutloud</a>.</em></p></p> Wed, 11 Sep 2013 09:17:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/local-indian-catholics-allege-discrimination-within-their-own-church-108652 Morning Shift: New book offers lessons on surviving infidelity http://www.wbez.org/programs/morning-shift-tony-sarabia/2013-07-02/morning-shift-new-book-offers-lessons-surviving <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/main-images/Noel_Shush -courtesy of ashleymadison.com_.jpg" alt="" /><p><p>Cheating can be a devastating blow to not just your relationship, but your ego as well. How do you pick up the pieces and move on? Also, with the digital age upon us, how do news organizations keep up with the times?&nbsp;</p><script src="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-surviving-infidelity.js?header=false"></script><noscript>[<a href="//storify.com/WBEZ/morning-shift-surviving-infidelity" target="_blank">View the story "Morning Shift: New book offers lessons on surviving infidelity" on Storify</a>]</noscript></p> Tue, 02 Jul 2013 10:05:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/programs/morning-shift-tony-sarabia/2013-07-02/morning-shift-new-book-offers-lessons-surviving Husbands and birthday cakes http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2013-04/husbands-and-birthday-cakes-106637 <p><p>This weekend, I was celebrating my birthday (which is today, but you knew that already) with some friends. My pal Julie presented a beautiful birthday cake she had made me, confiding that she had gotten clearance from my husband to make the cake ahead of time. I&#39;ll just present to you, without commentary, the email exchange that went down to ensure that this cake was approved by Steve.</p><div><div><div><blockquote><p>On 4/12/13 1:00 PM, Julie wrote:</p></blockquote><blockquote>Hey Steve,<br /><br />I was just wondering if you were getting a cake for Claire&#39;s birthday on Monday or this weekend or anything. &nbsp;The reason I&#39;m asking is because I wanted to make a cake to surprise her with for our Supper Club on Saturday night but I didn&#39;t want to a) overload Claire with cakes and b) steal the real cake&#39;s thunder.<br /><br />Please advise.<br /><br />THANKS!<br />Julie</blockquote><div><div><blockquote><p>From: Steve<br />Date: Fri, Apr 12, 2013 at 1:55 PM<br />Subject: Re: question<br />To: Julie<br /><br />Hey Julie,<br /><br />I really appreciate how thoughtful, intelligent, and capable you somehow have come to think I am. I would barely even know where to buy a cake, let alone how to make one, so I&#39;ll absolutely leave it to the professionals. That&#39;ll be infinitely better than anything I come up with for her (likely half of a cookie, tucked inside a folded paper plate).<br /><br />Though maybe now you&#39;ve given me a challenge and I have to out do your cake!<br /><br /><span class="HOEnZb"><font color="#888888">- Steve</font></span></p></blockquote><div class="HOEnZb"><div class="h5">&nbsp;</div></div></div><div>And here is the cake that Julie somehow thought Steve would be capable of matching. Maybe next year, Steve!</div><div>&nbsp;</div><div><div class="image-insert-image "><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/cake.jpg" title="" /></div></div></div></div></div></div><p>&nbsp;</p></p> Mon, 15 Apr 2013 08:51:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2013-04/husbands-and-birthday-cakes-106637 List: Recipes my husband has deemed acceptable http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2013-04/list-recipes-my-husband-has-deemed-acceptable-106532 <p><div class="image-insert-image "><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/photo4.jpg" style="height: 465px; width: 620px;" title="A crucial recipe notation. (Courtesy of the author)" /></div><p>My husband used to be a picky eater, to the point where we&#39;d cumulatively stress out each time we went out to a restaurant that wasn&#39;t vetted by him, in case there wasn&#39;t something on the menu he liked. Fortunately for our marriage, he&#39;s let down his guard a lot. He&#39;s learned that eating new things won&#39;t kill him, that most food is good and, if not, he can always go to Subway later.</p><p>But back before he evolved, I used to note which recipes in my binder met his approval. Now, looking at how long this list is, I think I can stop calling him picky.</p><p><a href="http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/turkey-salad-manchego-00000000037810/index.html">Turkey Salad with Manchego</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/pea-feta-prosciutto-salad-00000000054468/index.html">Pea, Feta and Crispy Prosciutto Salad</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchens/smashed-pesto-potatoes-recipe/index.html">Pesto Smashed Potatoes</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/pasta-e-fagioli-recipe/index.html">Pasta E Fagioli</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes/beef_bean_chile_verde.html">Beef &amp; Bean Chile Verde</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/slow-cooker-white-bean-soup-with-andouille-and-collards-00000000052371/index.html">White Bean Soup with Andouille and Collards</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.marthastewart.com/337238/pork-paprikash">Pork Paprikash</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Plantain-Picadillo-Pie-with-Cheese-234803">Plaintain Picadillo Pie with Cheese</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.freshtart.net/Pot-Roast-Sherry-Onions-Thyme-Sour-Cream-11104164">Pot Roast with Sherry, Onions, Thyme and Sour Cream</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.marthastewart.com/337283/spice-rubbed-chicken-with-israeli-cousco">Spice-Rubbed Chicken with Israeli Couscous</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.marthastewart.com/344295/chicken-piccata">Chicken Piccata</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.bonappetit.com/recipes/quick-recipes/2010/05/southwest_rice_and_corn_salad_with_lemon_dressing">Southwest Rice and Corn Salad With Lemon Dressing</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/fettuccine-leeks-corn-arugula-recipe-00000000034253/index.html">Creamy Fettuccine with Leeks, Corn and Arugula</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/recipes/8940/Fresh-Fettuccine-With-Butter-Peas-and-Sage-Sauce.html">Fresh Fettuccine With Butter, Peas and Sage Sauce</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.eatliverun.com/penne-with-white-beans-and-spinach/">Pasta with Spinach and White Bean Sauce</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2008/06/zucchini-strand-spaghetti/">Zucchini Strand Spaghetti</a><br />&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.pbs.org/food/recipes/spaghetti-with-kale-bacon-and-brie-cheese/">Spaghetti with Kale, Bacon and Brie Cheese</a></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p><em>Follow me on Twitter&nbsp;<a href="https://twitter.com/Zulkey">@Zulkey</a>.</em></p></p> Tue, 09 Apr 2013 09:35:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2013-04/list-recipes-my-husband-has-deemed-acceptable-106532 The ever-changing marriage carousel http://www.wbez.org/blogs/bez/2012-10/ever-changing-marriage-carousel-103197 <p><p><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/%28AP%20PhotoMiguel%20Villagran%2CFile%29%20Tom%20and%20Katie.jpg" title="Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise (AP PhotoMiguel Villagran,File)" /></p><p>Growing up in an ethnic/Catholic Chicago neighborhood, divorce simply did not exist. The macabre joke was that the only way out of a marriage was either by death (natural causes) or dismemberment (murder and mayhem). Television in the 1950 and &#39;60s reinforced this marital standard by portraying marriage as a lifelong commitment: <em>The Adventures of&nbsp;Ozzie and Harriet</em> (calm and sturdy); Lucy and Desi from<em> I Love Lucy</em> (frenetic but committed); Rob and Laura from <em>The Dick Van Dyke Show</em> (modern and urbane).</p><p>In todays world much has changed. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the divorce rate of first marriage is around 50 percent; second marriages are at 60 to 67 percent and third marriages are at 73 to 74 pecent. Last February Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes announced they were getting divorced after five years of marriage. The tabloids suggested that the reason for the divorce was a simple one: The couple had entered in a five year contract and time was up! Whether or not this is true, the Cruise/Holmes divorce has sparked a discussion of marriage by contract. Or, as <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/30/fashion/marriage-seen-through-a-contract-lens.html?pagewanted=all&amp;_r=0">the <em>New York Times</em> headline succinctly put it</a>: &ldquo;Till Death, or 20 Years Do Us Part.&rdquo;</p><p>I think that the last 40 years of high divorce rates has forced us, individually and culturally, to rethink divorce &nbsp;and the reasons for getting married in the first place. To begin with, the marriage age is at an all-time high &mdash; 28.7 years for men and 26.5 for women. Part of this, of course, is due to hard economic times. At least part of the reason is that people, especially children of divorced relationships, are simply hesitant to take the plunge. Why make the same mistakes as our parents? Why not just cohabitate? Why not mimic the &#39;90s sitcom <em>Friends</em>? That is, live with your pals well into your 30s and just date around? Why not try to be George Clooney &mdash; keep dating, keep moving? Why get married and stay married unless you really want kids? Why risk living with someone that you might grow to dislike? Why put up with the day to day banalities of domestic existence? Why risk being unhappy? Why risk the &ldquo;change partner and dance&rdquo; divorce carousel? After all, everybody knows that it&rsquo;s almost impossible to get like, lust, and love in one relationship. So why bother?</p><p>OK, I admit it &mdash; I&rsquo;m an incurable romantic. Yes, divorce is scary. Yes, the statistics seem to be stacked against success. But, the real purpose behind marriage, partnership and commitment is the deep-set need to love and be loved in return. Psychologists tell us that we only know ourselves when we try to know and be empathetic with another. Love is not always a &ldquo;splendid thing&rdquo; but it is a necessary ingredient in the life process. So, yes love sometime makes fools of us. Yes, sometimes we are hurt and wind up hurting others. But we are human beings, and we need intimacy and we crave affection.</p><p>I think marriage will change, and must change. And, I hope the divorce rate will change as well for the better, of course. Maybe we will move to contract marriages, or short-term renewable marriages. I&rsquo;m not sure, but I am sure that the need and desire for intimacy and love are an elemental part of the human condition.</p><p><em>Al Gini is a Professor of Business Ethics and Chairman of the Management Department in the Quinlan School of Business at Loyola University Chicago.</em></p></p> Tue, 23 Oct 2012 09:00:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/bez/2012-10/ever-changing-marriage-carousel-103197 Asian-American men less likely to date interacially http://www.wbez.org/series/race-out-loud/asian-american-men-less-likely-date-interacially-102033 <p><p>Who you date - as well as who you marry - is one of the most intensely personal decisions someone makes. So it&rsquo;s easy to overlook the broader role society, culture and yes, even race plays in that decision.</p><p>Hardy Kim is a second generation Korean-American. He grew up in Gross Pointe, Michigan, and now lives in Oak Park. From an early age, he was told he needed to marry a Korean woman. So naturally, he rebelled.</p><p>&ldquo;I didn&rsquo;t necessarily say to myself, I wouldn&rsquo;t marry a Korean-American woman, but I definitely thought, there&rsquo;s no way I am going to marry a women straight from Korea,&rdquo; he said.</p><p>Marriage rates across the U.S. are generally declining. But they&rsquo;re still high for Asian-Americans. As one of the smallest racial minorities here, it&rsquo;s not that surprising Asians have <a href="http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/files/2012/02/SDT-Intermarriage-II.pdf">some of the highest rates of interracial marriage</a>. But Asian-American women are twice as likely as their male counterparts to marry outside their race.</p><p>Here&rsquo;s why.</p><p><a href="http://www.asian-nation.org/interracial.shtml">C.N. Le</a>&rsquo;s a sociology professor at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. He said that if you look at marriage from a traditional standpoint, many people have viewed it as a way to become more economically successful &ndash; or at least, stable.</p><p>&ldquo;So you would think based on that sort of traditional motivation women would marry the most socioeconomically successful men. If that were the sole criteria, then Asian-American men would be near the top of the list,&rdquo; he said.</p><p>But &ndash; they&rsquo;re not. Asian-American men are second only to black women for having the lowest rates of interracial marriage.</p><p>Le thinks at least part of this is due to pervasive cultural stereotypes. You know them: Asian-American men are at best nerdy, at worst, neutered or not masculine enough. Le says that creates what he calls a &ldquo;cultural penalty&rdquo; in the dating world. And then he cited <a href="http://tierneylab.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/04/13/single-female-seeking-same-race-male/">research</a> that actually quantifies this.</p><p>&ldquo;In crunching the numbers, they found on an aggregate level, Latino men have to make something like $70,000 more than a comparable white man for a white women to be open to dating them,&rdquo; he said, adding for African-American men, that figure is closer to $120,000.</p><p>For Asian-American men? It&rsquo;s $250,000 more than a comparable white male would make.</p><p>&ldquo;I think that&rsquo;s kind of telling,&rdquo; Le said.</p><p>But it&rsquo;s not clear how many Asian-American men are looking for white women to marry.</p><p><img alt="The Kims" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/The%20Kims%20fun%20pic%20resized.jpg" style="float: left; border-width: 1px; border-style: solid; margin: 2px; " title="(Photo courtesy of the Kims)" />There&rsquo;s a trend of Korean-American marriages incorporating a lot of older traditions in wedding ceremonies. Hardy Kim sees a lot of symbolism in those old traditions, like the parents throwing chesnuts and dates at the bride and groom (that&#39;s supposed to symolize how many children, by gender, the couple will have). At the end of the ceremony, there&rsquo;s a part where the man has to show his ability to carry forward the life of his bride. So, he&rsquo;s supposed to literally pick up his bride and carry her around. Then, he has to do the same to his mother.</p><p>&ldquo;Well, because, he&rsquo;s taking care of his family, too,&rdquo; he said.</p><p>Hardy did end up marrying someone straight from Korea &ndash; but they met here, while they were both studying in Chicago. They&rsquo;ve been happily married for nine years, with two kids, a boy and a girl. The children have Korean and American names.</p><p><a href="https://www.facebook.com/prateekcomedy">Prateek Srivastava</a> is a standup comedian. He&rsquo;s 25. He grew up in Lombard but now he lives in Logan Square.<img alt="Prateek Srivastava onstage." class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/Prateek%20Resized.jpg" style="float: right; border-width: 1px; border-style: solid; " title="(Photo courtesy of Prateek Srivastava)" /></p><p>He&rsquo;s dated both Indians and non-Indians, and when the girl isn&rsquo;t Indian, the fact that he has come up &ndash; often at &ldquo;weird points&rdquo;, he says, in the relationship.</p><p>Once, he and a girlfriend were talking about movies of their childhood, and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom came up.</p><p>There&rsquo;s that <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7J-RRv5PcKA&amp;feature=related">scene</a> where an Indian guy eats someone&rsquo;s heart.</p><p>&ldquo;And so she said, &lsquo;I&rsquo;m just saying, I don&rsquo;t think you guys eat hearts but do you think maybe at some point in the past they used to eat hearts?&rsquo;,&rdquo; he recounted. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m like, no, nobody ate hearts. I mean, most Indians are vegetarian.&rdquo;</p><p>I asked Prateek if it would be easier if he dated an Indian girl or another Asian - or if his parents expect him to end up with an Indian. He doesn&#39;t have a preference either way. And, his parents haven&rsquo;t really put pressure on him to date only Indians. But the women he dates assume they have.</p><p>&ldquo;In one recent relationship this girl was like, &#39;Is this a temporary thing, or are you going to be able to introduce me to your parents?&#39;,&rdquo; Prateek recalls, adding that he thinks it&rsquo;s interesting that even across Indian families, he knows that families can be liberal or conversative.</p><p>&ldquo;People just assume we&rsquo;re homogenous - but we&rsquo;re not,&rdquo; he said.</p><p>Forget putting just all South Asians into one group. Outside of this country, people of nationalities like Japanese or Indian or Korea would never think of themselves all as being put into one big category.</p><p>This is naturally reflected in marriages here, where<a href="http://www.asian-nation.org/interracial.shtml"> Koreans are less likely than Japanese or Indian people</a> to marry outside their ethnic groups.</p><p>&ldquo;I don&rsquo;t think any of us is really born Asian-American, I think that most of us are who are born here go through a similar sort of phase process,&rdquo; said Jeff Yang, who writes the <a href="http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/tag/tao-jones/">Tao Jones</a> column for the Wall Street Journal. He likes to point out that concept of &ldquo;Asian American&rdquo; as a singular group is a uniquely American one.</p><p>Yang says Asian-American identity usually starts in college, where many Asians &ndash; he jokingly refers to the University of California schools as the Historically Asian colleges &ndash; tend to congregate.</p><p>That kind of commonality is even playing itself out in marriage data: of Asian-Americans marrying other Asian-Americans. Researchers call it inter-ethnic Asian marriage.</p><p>&ldquo;The fastest number of Asian-Americans who are not marrying Asians of their own ethnicity are marrying other ethnicities,&rdquo; Yang said. &ldquo;This is something which I think is culturally the product of some really interesting phenomena.&rdquo;</p><p><img alt="Norm Leong (left) at a TAP-Chicago Happy Hour this past Spring." class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/NormHH%20Resized.jpg" style="border-width: 1px; border-style: solid; float: left; margin: 2px; " title="(Photo courtesy of Norm Leong &amp; TAP Chicago)" />Take Norm Leong. He spends most of his social life with other Asians, even if they aren&rsquo;t Chinese, like his family.</p><p>His Facebook profile is full of pictures of him on Chicago&rsquo;s Asian-American scene, everything from <a href="http://tapchicago.org/">TAP &ndash; Chicago</a> (the Taiwanese American Professional Group), to <a href="http://www.ascenechicago.com/">Ascene</a>, an online magazine that also holds monthly events, to the <a href="http://aajachicago.wordpress.com/">Asian American Journalists Association</a> (full disclosure: where this reporter first met Norm).</p><p>He&rsquo;s 28. He says TAP is his favorite group &ndash; he&rsquo;s even on their board, even though he&rsquo;s not Taiwanese. He lives in Schaumburg, where he grew up.</p><p>&ldquo;My parents are very, very, very traditional,&rdquo; Norm said. &ldquo;So they&rsquo;ve always been like, you know have to date and marry a Chinese Asian girl. They pretty much said, &#39;Norm, if you don&rsquo;t give me Chinese grandchildren, we will be very sad and we will be unhappy with you&#39;.&rdquo;</p><p>Norm sort of listens. He says he&rsquo;s really only ever been attracted to women of East Asian descent, so that&rsquo;s who he dates &ndash; even women who aren&rsquo;t Chinese.</p><p>His younger brother married outside their race &ndash; as did many of his cousins. Norm says that does put more pressure on him. But he says when he&rsquo;s ready to marry, it will be his choice - not his parents.</p><p>The data looking at Asians marrying other Asians is just a few years old. But if people like Norm Leong are well, the norm, it could continue.</p></p> Wed, 29 Aug 2012 21:11:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/series/race-out-loud/asian-american-men-less-likely-date-interacially-102033 Are you ready for marriage? http://www.wbez.org/blogs/john-r-schmidt/2012-08/are-you-ready-marriage-101431 <p><div class="image-insert-image "><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/08-09--courtship.jpg" title="Are they ready for marriage? (Creative Commons)" /></div><p>Customs change. Today we&#39;re getting in the Way-Back Machine and traveling to 1899.</p><p>In 1899 society expected the husband to be the sole breadwinner in a marriage. On this August 9th of that year, Chicagoans were talking about how much money a couple needed to begin married life.</p><p>The <em>Tribune</em> had asked the question, &ldquo;Should men who earn small salaries be allowed to marry?&rdquo; The paper surveyed clerks in some of the big State Street department stores. Both men and women were asked their opinions.</p><p>Most of the female clerks felt a man needed a certain minimum salary before getting married. The general consensus was at least $15 a week (<em>$375 in 2012-dollars&ndash;for current values of 1899-dollars, multiply by 25</em>). &ldquo;A young man should wait until he is able to support a wife,&rdquo; one woman said. &ldquo;No salesgirl wants to keep selling after she&rsquo;s married.&rdquo;</p><p><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/08-09--Marriage (LC-CDN).jpg" style="height: 376px; width: 250px; float: left; " title="Marriage ceremony in the old County Building (Chicago Daily News)" />A Carson&rsquo;s clerk was willing to make exceptions. She conceded that a man making only $9 a week might have &ldquo;the possibilities of greatness&rdquo; in him. In that case, the potential wife should overlook his current situation, trusting her instinct &ndash; and her heart. &ldquo;[Why should she] discard him and his $9 if she loved him?&rdquo; the Carson&rsquo;s clerk asked.</p><p>The male clerks were also divided on the money question. Some said it was okay to get married on a low salary &ndash; if the woman was willing, why not? Other men weren&rsquo;t so sure. A clerk at Marshall Field&rsquo;s feared a couple on a tight budget couldn&rsquo;t afford to live in the city. Then they might have to move to the suburbs!</p><p>Men who&rsquo;d been married for a while were practical. One senior clerk declared it was &ldquo;the duty&rdquo; of the older men to discourage the young guys from marrying too soon. Many of these rookie husbands were starving their wives. &ldquo;If he loves her, he should get a better job,&rdquo; the senior clerk said.</p><p>The <em>Tribune</em> also talked to three &ldquo;sociological students.&rdquo; All three were women. All three were in favor of early marriage.</p><p>One of these scholars was Mrs. A.P. Stevens of Hull House. She claimed that matrimony was being delayed because employers didn&rsquo;t pay a living wage. &ldquo;Every salesman or laborer has a right to be paid enough to support a wife and maintain a home to American standards,&rdquo; said Stevens.</p><p>So it was in 1899. By the way, the average age at marriage then was 22 for women, 26 for men &ndash; about what it is today.</p></p> Thu, 09 Aug 2012 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/john-r-schmidt/2012-08/are-you-ready-marriage-101431