WBEZ | texting http://www.wbez.org/tags/texting Latest from WBEZ Chicago Public Radio en Claire Zulkey - Slow-motion cancel http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2013-01/calling-end-slow-motion-cancel-104901 <p><p><span id="internal-source-marker_0.6575665675742378"><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/96470895_2f812e3159.jpg" style="float: right;" title="(Flickr/numberstumper)" />This weekend I had lunch with a friend of mine who lamented a strange social phenomenon she fell victim to earlier this month. She was hosting a dinner party, and one guest, instead of merely attending or canceling, began texting her in the morning to warn her that she might not be able to attend, due to a sick child. &ldquo;I&rsquo;ll let you know what happens,&rdquo; the guest promised the hostess, and then, on about an hourly basis, provided updates, informing her that things weren&rsquo;t looking so good due to Junior and his cold. Eventually, exactly at dinnertime, the guest sent a text saying &ldquo;Looks like I can&rsquo;t make it after all. Have fun though!!&rdquo;*</span><br /><br />Naturally, my friend was peeved. &ldquo;Ah yes, the slow-motion cancel,&rdquo; I said. &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve fallen victim to it myself.&rdquo; Instead of just being told that someone can&rsquo;t show up to dinner or a party or a date, I&rsquo;ve gotten a long, slow buildup to the inevitable letdown that someone is canceling on me. Sometimes they start days in advance, as I&rsquo;ve had friends start letting me know the second they feel a cold coming on so that I can get ready to confront the possibility that I might not see them. (And just in case you think I&rsquo;m being a judgment-casting stone-thrower, I found myself doing this last week. A friend of mine was holding an event that I had earlier said I&rsquo;d attend, and I let her know early in the day that I might not be able to attend due to my husband not feeling well. And then I texted my apologies five minutes into the event. So I am absolutely guilty of this myself.)<br /><br />Why do we** do this? I have two theories. One came via a British guy friend of mine who told me recently the biggest difference between American and British girls is that at bars (and other such places), a British woman will have no trouble telling a guy who is hitting on her that she&rsquo;s not interested (&ldquo;Sod off,&rdquo; is the term everyone, probably even including the Queen, uses in this situation.) But once the guy came to the States, he&rsquo;d chat up a lady for an hour and figure he had a good chance of getting somewhere with her until he realized that she was Just Being Nice.<br /><br />There are many times when Just Being Nice is actually not so nice after all. Like talking behind someone&rsquo;s back instead of saying what you feel, like letting resentment build up instead of addressing issues head-on, like leading a person on or like wasting someone&rsquo;s time by sloooowly canceling on them instead of having the cojones to just do it. If you say &ldquo;I can&rsquo;t make it tonight, sorry,&rdquo; right off the bat, it&rsquo;s rude. But if you do it over the span of many hours or days, it&rsquo;s Nice.<br /><br />But the flip side of Just Being Nice is also feeling a like Kind of a Big Deal. When you&rsquo;re a Kind of a Big Deal, no social function can go on without you (not in any meaningful way, anyway), so you need to let people down gently and slowly. If you just say &ldquo;I can&rsquo;t make it tonight, sorry,&rdquo; right off the bat, you are tearing people&rsquo;s hearts out. But if you do it over the span of many hours or days, you can slowly, slowly get your friends used to the idea of spending time without you when they were all worked up about seeing you. It&rsquo;s like gradually entering a hot bath, only in this case instead of bubbles the tub is full of disappointment.<br /><br />In the interest in saving time and text fees, let&rsquo;s agree to relax on Just Being Nice and that we&rsquo;re not always Kind of a Big Deal. We all like seeing our friends and it&rsquo;s a bummer when plans get altered but let&rsquo;s just agree to take a note from the British gals. Say &ldquo;sod off&rdquo; to being indirect, passive aggressive or not quite honest when it comes to rearranging plans. Our friends will all survive until the next time--when you gossip about the people who didn&rsquo;t make it.<br /><br />*It&rsquo;s essential, when declining an event, to give everyone permission to have fun without you.<br /><br />**by &ldquo;we&rdquo; I mostly mean women but not all women and certainly not exclusively women, but let&rsquo;s face it, this is a girl thing.</p></p> Mon, 14 Jan 2013 09:31:00 -0600 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2013-01/calling-end-slow-motion-cancel-104901 A stamp of approval for texting, tweeting in theaters http://www.wbez.org/blog/onstagebackstage/2011-11-30/stamp-approval-texting-tweeting-theaters-94460 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/blog/photo/2011-November/2011-11-30/TCrender.jpg" alt="" /><p><p style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" class="caption" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/blog/insert-image/2011-November/2011-11-30/TCrender.jpg" style="width: 440px; height: 217px;" title="An artist's rendering of the future Tateuchi Center"></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/11/27/the-show-is-starting-please-turn-on-your-cellphones/?scp=1&amp;sq=tateuchi%20center&amp;st=cse">The <em>New York Times</em> reported late Monday</a> that a theater near Seattle, the Tateuchi Center in Bellevue, has announced it will allow “nondisruptive” cell phone use during at least some shows. (“Artists booked there can request no phone use,” says the <em>Times</em>.) <a href="http://buzzlog.yahoo.com/buzzlog/94669/omg-theater-to-allow-cell-phones-during-live-performances">Yahoo’s <em>Buzz Log</em> notes</a> that the Tateuchi Center received $2.2 million from Microsoft, whose headquarters are nearby, in support of the center, expected to open in 2014.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Though Tateuchi executive director John Haynes calls this “the wave of the future,” online commentary seems to be overwhelming negative. Even from the self-described young. Even <a href="http://www.geekwire.com/2011/theater-geeks-text-tweet-welcomed-arts-center">on GeekWire</a>, where only one writer gave the move a thumbs-up.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I find the outpouring of wrath and dismay at this innovation highly comforting, myself.</p></p> Wed, 30 Nov 2011 17:06:00 -0600 http://www.wbez.org/blog/onstagebackstage/2011-11-30/stamp-approval-texting-tweeting-theaters-94460 Oak Park might ban eating while driving http://www.wbez.org/story/oak-park-might-ban-eating-while-driving-93109 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/story/photo/2011-October/2011-10-13/AP Tony Talbot.jpg" alt="" /><p><p>The Village of Oak Park is considering making it illegal to eat while driving. Village trustee Colette Lueck, who offered the idea at the end of a recent board meeting for the western suburb of Chicago, said the city is just exploring the idea right now.</p><p>"I don't think you're going to stop people from drinking water while driving, nor do I think you should," said Lueck. "But you know, having a cheeseburger that drips down your shirt and then you're looking at your shirt to see the spot, is a distraction."</p><p>The city is also considering making it illegal for drivers to use cell phones or perform activities like putting on makeup. A <a href="http://tti.tamu.edu/group/cts/2011/10/05/new-study-says-texting-doubles-a-driver%E2%80%99s-reaction-time-2/">recent study by Texas A&amp;M</a> found that texting and driving makes drivers reaction times twice as slow.</p><p>"[We're] trying to figure out, what's a commonsense approach that's enforceable, but also really does offer some degree of protection," said Lueck.</p><p>Lueck said there's no timetable for the potential ordinance, but that it's likely to be brought up again at the start of 2012 after budget negotiations end, when Oak Park board members vote on new proposals.</p></p> Thu, 13 Oct 2011 12:13:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/story/oak-park-might-ban-eating-while-driving-93109 Bikers who text might not be long for Chicago http://www.wbez.org/story/bikers-who-text-might-not-be-long-chicago-92704 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/story/photo/2011-September/2011-09-30/texting_flickr_jillianyork.jpg" alt="" /><p><p>Some Chicago aldermen are schedule to debate Monday whether the city should fine cyclists who text on their cell phones. Ald. Margaret Laurino (39th) <a href="http://www.wbez.org/story/chicago-alderman-wants-crackdown-distracted-cycling-92001">is proposing the ordinance</a> before the Committee of Pedestrian and Traffic Safety.</p><p>Laurino said she was inspired to look into the issue after the former mayor of Bogotá, Enrique Peñalosa, attended a committee meeting. Peñalosa was in town to discuss the successful bus program he had implemented in Bogotá and Laurino found that they were both proponants of cycling. During transportation discussions, other aldermen brought up texting while cycling as an issue they were concerned with. Laurino then began to pay closer attention to the issue around the city, and found that she saw it repeatedly, citing Milwaukee Avenue as one street with consistently guilty bikers.</p><p>"Really, I didn't think there'd be a need for such a commonsense ordinance, but as it turns out, people are texting while they're biking," said Laurino.</p><p>Potential fines would range from $20 to $50 for a first offense, $50 to $75 for a second offense, and up to $100 for a third offense. Laurino said she has the support of the Active Transportation Alliance, as well as the Metropolitan Planning Council. If the ordinance passes committee, it would go to the full City Council on Wednesday.</p><p>"We're just looking to level the playing field here," said Laurino. "This is certainly something that will affect bicyclists, same as it currently affects motorists."</p><p>Laurino said the ordinance wouldn't apply to bikers who had stopped to text, and that she's not expecting much blowback from the ordinance, unless of course, "I get it from an angry cyclist."</p></p> Mon, 03 Oct 2011 10:00:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/story/bikers-who-text-might-not-be-long-chicago-92704 Is sexting cheating? Read this before you hit send http://www.wbez.org/story/2011-06-07/sexting-cheating-read-you-hit-send-87554 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/npr_story/photo/2011-June/2011-06-08/istock_000000221047medium.jpg" alt="" /><p><p>On Monday, Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) announced he had tweeted to the world a lewd photo of himself he had meant to send to one woman privately.</p><p>For many, the reaction to Weiner's lewd photo texts has been disgust and bewilderment. But the phenomenon is more common than you may think. Even the AARP has covered the trend, with the headline: "Sexting Not Just for Kids."</p><p>"Absolutely," says relationship coach Suzanne Blake. "Many married couples do this [with each other]. People are working different shifts, they're traveling, they're stressed, they don't get to see each other a lot. So it's a playful way of keeping connected."</p><p>But of course, just about every good thing about the Internet seems to have a downside risk.</p><p>"What texting does is allow you to get this immediate validation, or fix," says Eli Karam, a marriage therapist at the University of Louisville. "You send a picture, you get an immediate response, and you don't have to deal with any face-to-face interaction."</p><p>Thus, the ease and attraction of sexting with complete strangers.</p><p><strong>Is It Cheating?</strong></p><p>At his news conference, Weiner stressed that he'd had no physical relationship outside his marriage. So, is this cheating?</p><p>"I say a relationship is a relationship, whether you touch that person or not," Karam says.</p><p>In fact, he says research shows this kind of virtual, or "emotional infidelity," can be just as harmful as a physical fling.</p><p>Blake says it's true that sexting may not <em>feel</em> as wrong as meeting someone in a hotel. She cites the experience of one female client:</p><p>"It happened several times where she'd been on a business trip, she met somebody, and then they exchanged sexting afterwards," Blake says. "And she is married. I had to actually say to her, 'Do you realize this is cheating?' "</p><p>Even when committed couples are zinging photos back and forth, Blake offers words of caution. One client, a 55-year-old woman, was sexting happily with a boyfriend who traveled a lot, sending photos with messages like, "Missing seeing you." Then the woman had a problem with her cellphone and took it to a store for help.</p><p>"When she tried to show the technician what was happening," Blake says, "this body part showed up on her screen. It was very embarrassing to her!"</p><p>Blake's advice, for ordinary sexters and high-profile politicians alike: delete, delete, delete. <div class="fullattribution">Copyright 2011 National Public Radio. </p> Tue, 07 Jun 2011 23:01:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/story/2011-06-07/sexting-cheating-read-you-hit-send-87554