WBEZ | love

Real life Django: Love’s struggles on the Underground Railroad

Sat, 16 Feb 2013 08:00:00 -0600

There’s a lot about Quentin Tarantino’s Oscar-nominated film Django Unchained that seems, true to the director’s well-known dramatic tendencies, somewhat larger than life: The huge personas of do-gooder bounty hunter King Schultz and sadistic slave owner Calvin Candie, for example, or the caricaturist’s rendering of the conniving head house slave, Stephen.

But one crucial element of the film’s plot does seem to be drawn from real life: Django’s struggle to reunite with his wife, Broomhilda, echoes the lengths slaves would really go to in order to stay with or be reunited with their loved ones.

Author Betty DeRamus uncovered countless stories of slavery-era couples struggling to be together in the face of incredible adversity while researching her book, Forbidden Fruit: Love Stories from the Underground Railroad. “Some of them are black couples, some of them are a free black person with a slave mate, and a few of them are interracial couples,” DeRamus said. “But they all have one thing in common: All went to extraordinary lengths to avoid being separated.”

There was Joseph Antoine, for example, a free black man from Cuba who chose of life of indentured servitude in order to stay with his wife. “In the process of working on that [story],” DeRamus said, “I discovered there were quite a few black Virginians who were willing to surrender freedom because they said the price of freedom was too high; if it meant leaving their families, they’d rather not have it. And I had never heard that before.”

Then there was Isaac Berry, the Missouri slave in love with his white neighbor’s daughter, Lucy. Berry’s owner wanted to sell him to pay off gambling debts, but Berry escaped across the Mississippi River into Illinois, then traveled to Indiana, Michigan, and finally across the Detroit River to Windsor, Canada. Lucy, meanwhile, took the money her family had saved for boarding school and instead bought a train ticket to Detroit, and waited there to meet her beau.

“Remember, there were no cell phones, no Internet, no mass communication of any kind,” DeRamus said of this incident, pointing out the extreme difficulty of setting up such a daring and far off rendezvous. “One of the most extraordinary things about these couples is the faith that they had. . . that somehow things were going to work out.”

Perhaps the most remarkable story in DeRamus’ collection is that of John Little, a slave who carried his unconscious wife to freedom on his whip-scarred back. You can hear DeRamus read her account of John Little and his wife in the audio above.

Dynamic Range showcases hidden gems unearthed from Chicago Amplified’s vast archive of public events and appears on weekends. Betty DeRamus spoke at an event presented by The Field Museum in February of 2006. Click here to hear the event in its entirety.

Follow Robin Amer on Twitter @rsamer.

Philosophy and Sex

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 05:00:00 -0600

Arguably, Alain De Botton is the most widely read English language philosopher in the world. In fact, if you take into account how many languages his books have been translated into, he is perhaps the single most popularly read philosopher in the world today.

A big part of his popularity is that he has published on topics that are part of everyone’s lives: anxiety, travel, architecture, religion and work. And now he has turned his attention to a topic that has been a “source of needless neurotic frustration for most of human history” – sex!

De Botton’s new book, How To Think More About Sex, is not a sex manual that offers (philosophical?) insights on how to have more intense and better sex. Rather, it is a series of reflections on the general complexity of life and how all of us, to some degree or another, are unhappy with or unfulfilled in our sex lives. The goal of the book is to help us feel “a little less painfully strange about the sex we are either longing to have or struggling to avoid.”

Frankly, this is not a book I would give my wife, partner or lover on Valentine’s Day. De Botton’s thesis – though thoughtful and more than a little correct – is a downer.

Although De Botton recognizes that sex can be satisfying, sensational, and even transcendent, most of the time, he claims, it is pedestrian, purely functional or disappointing. To be fair, De Botton’s argues that the problem isn’t sex per se. Rather, he maintains that the demands and complexities of life make “great sex” hard to achieve – because we are all too busy, too engaged, too overwhelmed by too many other things in life.

Normal life, suggests De Botton, is the enemy of “cupidity” (eager desire). Work, children, responsibilities, stress, anxiety, drugs, alcohol, and the unavoidable loss of intimacy that is part of all long-term relationships equals the “death of lust” and the end of desire.

Sadly, De Botton seems to be in agreement with Goethe when he said: “Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.” However, I choose to take away a different lesson from this book.

Rather than just offer us a comical and negative interpretation of sex and love, I think De Botton is offering us a cautionary tale. To wit: The most difficult task in life is getting like, love and lust all in one relationship.

Sex advice columnists Em & Lo talk about. . . things we can't mention in this headline

Thu, 31 May 2012 09:57:00 -0500

Em & Lo have made careers out of talking sanely and humorously about sex and love. They are, as they describe themselves on their site, "opinionated but not (too) judgmental, philosophically complex yet down-to-earth, sexy but never sleazy, progressive and ethical."

The duo appeared on The Interview Show earlier this month and helped me feel better about my own sexual hang-ups.

Our interview is below. May be NSFW:

The Interview Show is back at The Hideout Friday June 1 at 6:30 p.m. with author Rich Cohen, artist Tony Fitzpatrick, chef Michael Kornick and more.

Reflections: The dignity of lust

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 19:31:00 -0600

In his book Lust, the philosopher Simon Blackburn argues that traditionally we lump sex and lust together, giving both a bad name they do not deserve. For Blackburn, lust need not be excessive, illicit or dehumanizing: Lust can be a virtue and not a vice.

Lust, when properly understood and performed, is, in the words of David Hume, “useful or agreeable to the personal himself and to others.” Lust is about desire that is felt. Lust is about the pursuit of sexual ecstasy.

But, but, but, says Blackburn, the full pleasure of sexual activity requires the presence of another-- a partner, a fellow traveler. There must always be an object of lust who is not treated as other, but rather as someone you “desire to please” as much as you “desire to be pleased.”

Citing Thomas Hobbes, Blackburn argues that lust is about two drives or two appetites together: To please < --- > To be pleased. “I desire you, and I desire your desire for me… A pleases B, B is pleased by what A is doing and A is pleased at B’s pleasure.” And so on, and so on, and so on.

For Blackburn, true lust must be more than one-sided. Lust is about communion, harmony and completion. “The subject is not centrally pleased at himself,” says Blackburn, “but at the excitement of the other… There are no cross-purposes, hidden agendas, mistakes or deceptions. Lust here is like making music together, a joint symphony of pleasure and response. There is a pure mutuality.”

Blackburn believes that we should not be “enemies of lust.” “Lust,” he contends, is not merely useful, but essential. “We would none of us be here without it.” Moreover, he suggests that lust, if properly pursued and applied, is an ethical act because it requires us to step outside of ourselves and take into the consideration the feelings, needs and desires of others. It behooves us, says Blackburn, “to speak up for lust,” “to restore lust to humanity,” to lift lust “from the category of a sin to that of a virtue.”

Al Gini is a professor of business ethics and chair of the department of management at Loyola University Chicago. He is also the co-founder and associate editor of Business Ethics Quarterly, and the author of several books, including My Job, My Self and Seeking the Truth of Things: Confessions of a (catholic) Philosopher.

An anthropologist on breakups in the digital age

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 12:00:00 -0600

When anthropologist Illana Gershon interviewed her Indiana University students as part of her research on social media and relationships, she posed this question to one of her classes: If you and your sweetie are “Facebook official,” what happens when the relationship ends? Whose job is it to change the relationship status: the person who got dumped or the person who did the dumping?

An attractive blonde replied with great confidence, “I know the answer to this one! My entire sorority knows the answer to this one!”

“It’s always the one who’s dumped,” she explained.

She then paused for a moment, “But not everyone on campus knows this.”

It was quips like this, Gershon says, that made her realize we are still in the early, Wild West days of digital etiquette, especially when it comes to using these technologies to navigate our romantic relationships. What is ok to us and our group of friends might be unacceptable elsewhere, because nothing has been standardized or codified.

When doing anthropological surveys, Gershon says that by the 20^th or 30^th interview a pattern will usually emerge, a kind of predictability. But not in this case.

As she interviewed her students, she found their habits and values to be wildly unpredictable. “In every interview I’d have a moment where I’d want to say, you do what?!” she says. The results of her interviews ended up in her book, The Breakup 2.0: Disconnecting over New Media.

In the early days of the telephone Thomas Edison and Alexander Graham Bell fought over what one should say when one picked up the ringer. (Edison argued for “Hello,” while Bell argued for the sprightly “Ahoy!”)

In the early ‘80s, the Replacements’ Paul Westerberg wondered aloud “how do you say I’m lonely/to an answering machine”.

We’re all trying to find our way through each new technology, and apparently, some of us are like Berger in Sex and the City, in that we think it’s ok to break up with Carrie via a Post-it note. (Or over IM, if you’re one of Gershon’s students.)

Listen to the audio above for more of Gershon’s eyebrow raising examples of her students internet breakup habits, or leave your own examples in the comments.

Dynamic Range showcases hidden gems unearthed from Chicago Amplified’s vast archive of public events and appears on weekends. Illana Gershon was interviewed by Time Out Chicago’s Madeline Nusser at an event presented by the Chicago Humanities Festival in November of 2011. Click here to hear the event in its entirety.

Daily Rehearsal: Sketchbook is now accepting submissions

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 18:27:00 -0500

1. Interrobang's The Argument opens this weekend at the Viaduct. As is unfortunately too usual, it's not uplifting, but is instead "the story of twin sisters, Mia and Ana, who are separated by death when the levees break and the city floods. Devastated by guilt for having survived, her sister Mia carts her sister’s corpse through a post-apocalyptic landscape of anarchy and desperation seeking love and happiness for her lifeless twin." Carting a corpse around: So the latest thing.

2. Get super close to the stars of Love, Loss and What I Wore, if you're not entirely sick of them already. They'll be at Petterino's, called "the downtown theater district go-to restaurant" for "Monday Night Live" this coming Monday. Dinner theater at it's finest, hoested by Denise McGowan Tracy and Beckie Menzie.

3. Drury Lane has extended The Sound of Music before it's even opened, to January 8, 2012. Previews start October 20, the real deal is the 27th. It seems that moral is high and buzz is good.

4. Submit your stuff to Sketchbook now, Collaboraction's very well-reviewed annual festival. The deadline is November 1 for the June 2012 festival. You can submit a piece that's super short (under 7 minutes) and one that's a bit longer (over 8, under 80). And directors without work are welcome to apply as well. Works that have started at Sketchbook have gone on to do pretty well after they start short, like the Daily Rehearsal-approved 5 Lesbians Eating A Quiche, which moved on to a fully-fleshed out performance under the wing of The New Colony.

5. Eclipse Theatre Company is dedicating it's 2012 season to Eugene O'Neill. This is a consistent practice for the company -- well, not the O'Neill, but the decision to devote an entire season to one playwright. It'll also be moving from its home at the Greenhouse to the Athenaeum. This past season was all about Naomi Wallace, with productions like The Trestle at Pope Lick Creek, which the Dueling Critics found to be "a lovely, if puzzling, evening in the theater."

Questions? Tips? Email kdries@wbez.org.

Art “Chat Daddy” Sims offers advice for the lovelorn

Mon, 14 Feb 2011 15:02:00 -0600

We’re still months away from summer, but Valentine’s Day is here – so you better get ready to turn up the heat! You might be in love. You might be looking. Either way the romantic road can be rocky.

Art “Chat Daddy” Sims used to write a relationship column in the Chicago Defender. Nowadays, you can catch him as a entertainment contributor for WCIU, The U. Chat Daddy joined Eight Forty-Eight to give listeners advice in the love department.

Mission #60 Spread the looooooooooooooooove (Your new video is ready!)

Mon, 14 Feb 2011 03:44:00 -0600

Let's get right to it:

I SHOUTED YOUR LOVE FROM THE ROOFTOPS!

And boy was it cold, I mean, and boy was it fun! :)

An important note before you view...

Instead of embedding the video here, I'm sending you directly to YouTube so you can engage the "Interactive Transcript" feature. Why? This allows you to glance at the entire transcript of what I'm saying (i.e. all the personal love messages) - and find yours.

When you click on your piece of text, the video will then jump right to that section. In some spots it's off by a few seconds, but you'll be in the general ballpark...and it's a pretty cool feature, don't you think?

Of course, you also have the option of watching the entire video (it's about 6 minutes long) which is what I actually hope you'll do because I think this mission/video turned out to be one of our most interesting and powerful yet.

This is what the "Interactive Transcript" icon looks like:

I hope you and your beloveds all dig this. I can't wait to hear how the surprise goes...

► CLICK HERE FOR THE VIDEO "MISSION AMY KR SHOUTS YOUR LOVE FROM THE ROOFTOPS"

amy p.s. As a Valentine's Day bonus, I'm also tossing these love-themed trinkets your way; hope they enhance your day!

6-Year-Old Jackson Finds His True Love

Home Sweet(heart) Home: Quick easy Valentine's Day ideas for your mate/kids/family

A special shout out to Brian Stojak for being my Flip camera videographer!

Mission #60: Shout your love from the rooftops!

Mon, 07 Feb 2011 16:16:00 -0600

Last week's mission was about celebrating friendship. (You do know that the message-filled "Ode to All Your Friends" video is now ready, right? Click here to see.)

This week, with Valentine's Day just around the bend, Mission Amy KR is all about love, love, love.

As in, SHOUT-IT-FROM-THE-ROOFTOPS kind of love.

As in, you tell me who you love, and I am going to grab my megaphone and literally shout it from the rooftop. And video it. And then post that video here for you and your beloved next Monday, Valentine's Day.

Because really, what better way to say I love you than by saying I love you...loudly... publicly...and from a roof top?

Here's all you do:

Just hop down to the comment section and tell me who you are and who you love. I need the short, traditional format for this mission, okay? Like: Amy Krouse Rosenthal loves Jason Rosenthal. Bogie loves Bacall. Barack loves Michelle. You get the gist...

And in the meantime, here's a little something to kick off the week: Chip the Monk (who made his video debut here a couple weeks ago) returns with this new video in response to the Big Life Questions you all submitted.

QUICK RECAP

Your love message deadline: Place in the comment section by this Thursday, February 10th at 7:00 pm CST.

New video: Chip the Monk's responses to your Big Life Questions

Subscribe to Mission Amy KR (and it'll quietly arrive in your inbox each week)

with love,

amy

Aja Monet - Not Scared To Talk About Love

Fri, 26 Nov 2010 01:16:00 -0600

Aja Monet is an award winning and internationally recognized performance poet. Her debut EP "Scared To Make Love / Scared Not To" is out with all proceeds benefiting her relief work in Haiti.

Aja joins MusicVox host Jesse Menendez for a conversation about the EP, her work in Haiti, and of course LOVE. But first, she begins by telling about her first encounter with poetry.