WBEZ | costumes http://www.wbez.org/tags/costumes Latest from WBEZ Chicago Public Radio en Enough with the hilariously awful, sexy Halloween costumes http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2012-10/enough-hilariously-awful-sexy-halloween-costumes-103348 <p><p><span id="internal-source-marker_0.7271585052102186"><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/7378519484_af8e9a265c.jpg" style="float: right; height: 487px; width: 400px; " title="A sexy...something. (Flickr/warm + fuzzy)" />Full disclosure: I have never been sexy for Halloween. One year in college I bought a pair of black wings and some sort of headband and convinced myself for a moment that I would be a &ldquo;cute bat.&rdquo; But that little voice in my head reminded me, &ldquo;You know what rhymes with &lsquo;bat&rsquo;? &lsquo;Fat.&rsquo; Everyone will think of you as the fat bat.&rdquo; Immediately that sapped whatever shred of confidence I needed to pull off any type of sexy costume then &mdash;&nbsp;</span>or ever.</p><p>This was back in the late &#39;90s/early aughts, when sexy Halloween costumes were relegated to about three things: a schoolgirl, an angel or a cat. It was sort of nice, actually. If you were purposefully sexy, you pretty much decided that you weren&rsquo;t going to be clever. And if you were a sexy nurse, there was a good chance you&rsquo;d be competing with a lot of other sexy nurses.&nbsp;It&rsquo;s sort of like guy costumes; you could be &ldquo;edgy&rdquo; by either dressing as a priest or a buxom woman, but it meant you were pretty much wearing a sign that said, &ldquo;I am not original.&rdquo;&nbsp;<br /><br />Man have things changed. Since then a whole industry has boomed around a variety of sexy costumes. If you want to look slutty on Halloween, no longer are you relegated to the same old three costumes. Now, apparently, you can be a sexy-practically-anything, including:<br /><br />Sexy <a href="http://preview.buzzfeed.com/mtvstyle/you-heard-it-here-first-sexy-sesame-street-char-2g98">Bert</a>&nbsp;or Ernie<br /><br />Sexy <a href="http://shine.yahoo.com/fashion/worst-sexy-halloween-costumes-205400394.html">hamburger</a><br /><br />Sexy <a href="http://www.joblo.com/hollywood-celebrities/gossip/how-bad-really-are-yahoos-worst-sexy-halloween-costumes">corn</a></p><p>Sexy <a href="http://zaxy.com/sexy-halloween-costumes/">Marvin the Martian</a><br /><br />Sexy <a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/catsparella/inappropriately-sexy-halloween-costumes-1ruv">Mrs. Potato Head</a><br /><br />Sexy <a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/14-beloved-childrens-characters-turned-sexy-hal">Kermit the Frog</a><br /><br />Sexy <a href="http://www.yandy.com/Sexy-Lime-Wedge-Costume.php">lime</a><br /><br />(Have you noticed that most of these costumes aren&rsquo;t actually costumes but just slutty outfits with the face of the costume concept pasted onto the dress? Does that even count as a costume?)<br /><br />My theory is that we&rsquo;ve gone beyond costumery at this point and are just witnessing Halloween jokes. After all, the &ldquo;sexy mental patient&rdquo; was parodied in <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4rUiV_Hh74">this</a> video &mdash; but is <a href="http://louisville.metromix.com/events/standard_photo_gallery/sexy-halloween-trick-and/2267096/photo/2267089">actually available</a>. This is now just a real-life meme, designed to see what inappropriate objects or characters can be co-opted into sex. I mean, the <a href="http://www.yandy.com/Sexy-Honey-Badger-Costume.php">sexy honey badger</a> is, literally, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg">a meme</a> turned into a costume. I can guarantee you that there are going to be some Mitt Romney&rsquo;s binders full of women walking around this Halloween, and then we&rsquo;re going to have. . . sexy binders full of women? How will that work? (&ldquo;Duh, a binder with boobs on it, Claire.&rdquo;)<br /><br />But the point of being sexy and slutty on Halloween is to be sexy, right? To make people want to have sex with you while wearing a costume? I know people&rsquo;s standards are seriously altered when alcohol is involved, but other than Ernie, who would ever be turned on by sexy Bert? The definition of &ldquo;sexy&rdquo; is being stretched too far. Next year we&rsquo;ll probably start seeing things like a sexy Mr. Peanut, a sexy STD Test or a sexy turd. Maybe in two years we&rsquo;ll see girls dressed as sexy penises, just to see how far they can push the limits of desperate heterosexual men.<br /><br />Meanwhile, I&rsquo;m worried that women will start thinking these horrifically unsexy/sexy outfits are actually funny and will start wearing them as jokes, which really sort of ruins the whole joke experience for those of us who like actual jokes that are more about humor and less &ldquo;weird things with boobs incorporated into them.&rdquo; Soon we won&rsquo;t be able to tell what&rsquo;s really sexy and what&rsquo;s supposed to be a joke and before you know it everyone&rsquo;s going to be walking around naked every Halloween laughing about how clever and sexy everyone is. Where will that leave those of us who don&rsquo;t go for the sexy costumes? Being left alone and eating all the candy, that&rsquo;s where.<br /><br />Actually, that doesn&rsquo;t sound so bad. Carry on, you slutty weirdos. Carry on.</p></p> Wed, 24 Oct 2012 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2012-10/enough-hilariously-awful-sexy-halloween-costumes-103348 Internal monologues of Halloween costume models http://www.wbez.org/blog/claire-zulkey/2011-10-28/internal-monologues-halloween-costume-models-93468 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/blog/photo/2011-October/2011-10-28/Parasitic-Twin-Child-Costume.jpg" alt="" /><p><p style="text-align: center;"><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#000099" face="Arial"><u><img alt="" height="350" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/blog/insert-image/2011-October/2011-10-28/Plug-Socket.jpg" title="" width="350"></u></font></p><p style="text-align: left;">HER:<br> I can’t tell, is this demeaning or not? On the one hand, this is actually a tasteful outfit. I’m covered up, I’m warm, and nobody can tell that I’m four months pregnant. On the other hand, I am basically embodying a human-sized vagina. Then again, this whole conceit is rather clever, since plugs are referred to as male and female. Once I get home and smoke some PCP, I won’t have to worry about this anymore.<br> <br> HIM:<br> I can’t believe Ernest Borgnine is my father and this is the best work I could get in the entertainment industry.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br> <img alt="" height="432" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/blog/insert-image/2011-October/2011-10-28/tumblr_kse77haEJK1qzueujo1_400.jpg" title="" width="355"></p><p style="text-align: left;">HER:<br> Hey, this costume is pretty fun! I have a cute bow in my hair! I have nothing to not-smile about! Oh, wait, nevermind.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br> <br> <img alt="" class="caption" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/blog/insert-image/2011-November/2011-11-09/32152.jpg" style="width: 500px; height: 500px; " title=""></p><p>HIM AND HER:</p><p>If we had known we would have been modeling the Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum costumes, we would have gone for the pancakes at breakfast this morning the way we really wanted to. Way to waste our hotness, costume company.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br> <img alt="" class="caption" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/blog/insert-image/2011-November/2011-11-09/Parasitic-Twin-Child-Costume.jpg" style="width: 500px; height: 291px; " title=""></p><p style="text-align: left;">HIM: When are the people in charge going to put me in my costume? And my big stupid full-sized brother, does he get a costume as well?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br> <img alt="" height="443" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/blog/insert-image/2011-November/2011-11-09/costume1.jpg" title="" width="267"></p><p style="text-align: left;">HIM: It’s not the fact that my parents thought it would be funny to dress me as one of the world’s worst dictators that’s giving me emotional trauma: it’s that my tiny brain is working so hard to think of a way to get back at them when I’m old enough that’s giving me blinding headaches. Either way, this “ironic” costume will turn out to be not-so-ironic one day, believe you me. Yum this juice is good.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br> <img alt="" height="325" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/blog/insert-image/2011-November/2011-11-09/oliver-witch1.jpg" title="" width="325"></p><p style="text-align: left;">HIM: I’m going to pee in your shoe! You may trust me because I look cute, but you shouldn’t, because I’m just a stupid cat! Meow meow meow!</p></p> Fri, 28 Oct 2011 14:38:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/blog/claire-zulkey/2011-10-28/internal-monologues-halloween-costume-models-93468