WBEZ | Julia Weiss http://www.wbez.org/tags/julia-weiss Latest from WBEZ Chicago Public Radio en I do, we do: Proposing in public http://www.wbez.org/blogs/onstagebackstage/2012-09/i-do-we-do-proposing-public-102413 <p><p><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/4609521978_e251c301ec_z.jpg" style="float: left; height: 199px; width: 300px; " title="A proposal at a Yankees vs. Twins game in 2010. (Flickr/Kai Brinker)" />Last week<a href="http://gawker.com/5940288/before-proposing-to-girlfriend-man-fakes-his-own-death-to-show-her-how-meaningless-life-would-be-without-him">, Gawker drew our attention</a> to one of the worst proposals of all time; a man chose to fake his own death before proposing to his girlfriend. He said he did it because &quot;I wanted her to realize how empty her life would be without me and how life would have no meaning without me.&quot; As one commenter wrote, &quot;Still less obnoxious than a flashmob.&quot;</p><p>Comedian Julia Weiss says that&#39;s the problem with proposals: they&#39;re all about knowing someone else&#39;s business. To Weiss, &quot;reality television has blurred the lines between life and entertainment, and no one knows how to be a human unless someone is watching.&quot; Read an excerpt below or listen above:</p><p><em>On a cloudy day in Omsk, Russia,&nbsp;</em><em>Irena Kolokov and her boyfriend Alexy Bykov</em><em>&nbsp;had plans to go out. But when Irena arrived at the spot they&#39;d arranged for their romantic rendezvous, what she found was far from what she expected. &ldquo;There were mangled cars everywhere, ambulances, smoke and carnage,&rdquo; Irena told reporters. As she took in the horror of her surroundings, a paramedic approached her. &ldquo;Alexey is dead,&rdquo; he said. </em></p><p><em>I bet her stomach did that rollercoaster thing that stomachs do when you know that you&#39;ve done something irrevocably bad, like you left your iPhone in a cab, or you just replied all on an e-mail saying your boss has fat fingers and a bad attitude, or you know, someone you deeply love is laying in a pool of their own blood on the cold, Russian asphalt. Because she&#39;s a human with feelings, Irena broke down in tears. And then, like in a dream, or sick f***ing nightmare depending on who you ask, the bloodied and bandaged Alexey Bykov rose from the dead, pulled out a ring and asked the question. THE question. The question that women are told they&#39;re waiting for since the moment their mothers shed the afterbirth.&ldquo;Will You Marry Me?&rdquo;</em></p><p><em>Alexey and Irena are just another drop the performed, public marriage proposal bucket, something that has become a full blown trend. It&#39;s the new hilarious first-dance, which was the new choreographed bridal party entrance which I guess was the new chocolate fountain, which is never gonna die. Not on my watch. No sir.</em></p><p><em>I wonder, often, why proposals are still a thing to begin with. You already have sex. You probably live together. Maybe you already have a child. You&#39;re not buying a woman from her father, so why bother with marriage at all, let alone proposing marriage, let alone hiring actors, directors, and designers, commissioning local businesses or bussing in a marching band to help you? Our generation seems trapped in a confused mess of tradition and heteronormitivity, and intense need to feel unique and important, and hyper-public, ante-upping showmanship. We&#39;ve been given the anatomy of romance, from romantic comedies and our parents&#39; photo albums and fairy tales, and Disney&#39;s retelling of Fairy Tales. We have all the black lines and we&#39;re encouraged to color inside of them, but in a way that lets us feel like we&#39;re finger painting on the dining room wall.</em></p><p><a href="http://thepapermacheteshow.com/" target="_blank">The Paper Machete</a><em>&nbsp;is a weekly live magazine at the Horseshoe in North Center. It&#39;s always at 3 pm., it&#39;s always on Saturday, and it&#39;s always free. Get all your</em>&nbsp;The Paper Machete Radio Magazine&nbsp;<em>needs filled&nbsp;<a href="http://www.wbez.org/tags/paper-machete" target="_blank">here</a>, or download the podcast from iTunes&nbsp;<a href="http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/the-paper-machete-radio-magazine/id450280345" target="_blank">here</a>.</em></p></p> Fri, 14 Sep 2012 08:00:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/onstagebackstage/2012-09/i-do-we-do-proposing-public-102413 JP Morgan: 'I just don't know how this happened' http://www.wbez.org/blogs/onstagebackstage/2012-05/jp-morgan-i-just-dont-know-how-happened-99459 <p><p><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/JohnPierpontMorgan.png" style="float: left; width: 300px; height: 404px;" title="The original John Pierpont Morgan, born in 1837." />It&#39;s not so fun to be a financial institution these days. Just ask Bears Stearns, the <a href="http://money.cnn.com/2008/03/28/magazines/fortune/boyd_bear.fortune/">former </a>global investment bank. Or JPMorgan, the financial services firm that<a href="http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2012/05/16/jpmorgans-trading-loss-is-said-to-rise-at-least-50/"> reported trading losses</a> in the billions this month, due to some risky moves.</p><p>Some people are not so sympathetic to these institutions&#39; woes. &ldquo;JPMorgan Chase has a big hedge fund inside a commercial bank,&rdquo; Mark Williams, a professor of finance at&nbsp;Boston University told the <em>New York Times</em>.&nbsp;&ldquo;They should be taking in deposits and making loans, not taking large speculative bets.&rdquo;</p><p>But JP Morgan says, &quot;I just don&rsquo;t know how this happened.&quot; (Well, JP Morgan as personified by playwright and comic Julia Weiss, that is.)&nbsp;&quot;I knew what I was doing. So maybe our math was a little wrong. But come on, math is hard. I mean, the answer was wrong but don&rsquo;t I get partial credit for showing my work?&quot; &nbsp;</p><p>Read an excerpt below or listen above:</p><p><em>Hi, I&rsquo;m JP. And I am addicted to gambling. I am uh...I&rsquo;m a trusted 141-year-old financial institution, but I guess in people years that&#39;s a 47-year-old man who just realized he&rsquo;s 47 so he cheated on your mom and bought a Ferrari. Or like, 10,000 Ferraris with your college fund. But you had a really big college fund so, it&rsquo;s not really as big a deal as it sounds.</em></p><p><em>You guys don&rsquo;t know what it&rsquo;s like. My friends, they&#39;re hardcore. They live on the edge. We would go out on a Saturday night and stop at 7-Eleven for some pre-binging cheeseburger taquitos. And one guy would buy like 6 million Hog Heaven scratch-off Lotto tickets. And like another guy would by 5 million Buck Wild scratch-off ticket, but bet the guy who bought the Hog Heavens that the Hog Heavens would be more profitable than the Buck Wilds. But then the guy that bought the Buck Wilds, he would take that bet and bet also that the Buck Wilds would be more profitable and like, that&#39;s finance.</em></p><p><em>For the longest time, the biggest risk I took would be just getting that cheeseburger taquito. I was good. I was the best risk manager in the business. If 7-Eleven was as good at managing their employees that make their cheeseburger taquitos as I was at managing risk, you&rsquo;d never have a cheeseburger taquito with a cold center.</em></p><p><em>When my friends lost everyone&rsquo;s money a few years back, betting on things that were improbable with fevered confidence as if they were impossible, I laid low. I stayed back, I didn&#39;t get involved. And I came out of that sh** looking like a boss. Man, I was a king. Everyone was like, damn JP, you&rsquo;re so good, there&#39;s no way that was luck.. So I started playing harder. I stopped thinking about my family. And I stopped thinking about my kids. And I started thinking about JP. Because no one ever thought about JP. No one ever was like, JP do something for you. You know?</em></p><p><em>And yeah, I keep saying, publicly, that I was hedging against risk but&hellip; man, I was straight up gambling. And I liked it and I felt virile and I felt young again.</em></p><p><a href="http://thepapermacheteshow.com/" target="_blank">The Paper Machete</a><em>&nbsp;is a weekly live magazine at the Horseshoe in North Center. It&#39;s always at 3 p.m., it&#39;s always on Saturday, and it&#39;s always free. Get all your</em>&nbsp;The Paper Machete Radio Magazine&nbsp;<em>needs filled&nbsp;<a href="http://www.wbez.org/tags/paper-machete" target="_blank">here</a>, or download the podcast from iTunes&nbsp;<a href="http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/the-paper-machete-radio-magazine/id450280345" target="_blank">here</a>.</em></p></p> Wed, 23 May 2012 10:05:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/onstagebackstage/2012-05/jp-morgan-i-just-dont-know-how-happened-99459 Julia Weiss imagines Anne Frank as if she was posthumously baptized by Mormons http://www.wbez.org/blog/onstagebackstage/2012-03-01/julia-weiss-imagines-anne-frank-if-she-was-posthumously-baptized-mo <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/blog/photo/2012-March/2012-03-01/338547623_09b899d9c7.jpg" alt="" /><p><p><img alt="" class="caption" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/blog/insert-image/2012-March/2012-03-01/338547623_09b899d9c7.jpg" style="margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; float: left; width: 266px; height: 400px;" title="(Flickr/John Keogh)"></p><p>The media omnipresence of Mormon GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney has catapulted the&nbsp;Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints back into the news.</p><p>The Mormon Church, however, hasn’t needed Romney’s help in getting attention—or criticism—of late, specifically over their much-commented upon practice of posthumously baptizing the dead. The practice has been <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=12736456">mocked by the likes of sex-advice columnist Dan Savage</a>, and recently, Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/21/mormons-posthumous-baptism-anne-frank_n_1292102.html">asked Romney</a> to speak out against the practice.</p><p>Allegations that beloved diarist and Holocaust victim Anne Frank was among those baptized posthumously did not help. The Mormon Church released a statement denying the charges, claiming that they were committed to no longer "accept[ing]&nbsp;the names of Holocaust victims for proxy baptism."</p><p>Some might shy away from attempting to handle such events with humor, but comedian Julia Weiss -- featured most recently on <em>The Paper Machete</em> telling <a href="../../2012-02-01/comedian-julia-weiss-heidi-klum-and-seal-broke-because-seal-actuall">this sad tale of celebrity divorce&nbsp;with a twist</a> -- isn't most people.</p><p>In this satirical performance, Weiss reads a diary entry supposedly pulled from a notebook Anne Frank wrote in during the afterlife-- after she has been&nbsp;posthumously baptized by Mormons. Read an excerpt or listen below:</p><p><em>"Dear Diary, </em></p><p><em>Sorry I haven't written in so long. You see, I've spent the last few decades wallowing belly-deep in a sulfur lake in the murky, fiery pits of hell alongside my family, friends and bunches of other Jews. Oh, and guess who eternally suffered in the brimstone hut right next door to ours? Adolf Hitler! </em></p><p><em>And I thought sharing a room with a creepy dentist was bad."</em></p><p><audio class="mejs mediaelement-formatter-identified-1332743652-1" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/sites/default/files/julia weiss 2.mp3">&nbsp;</audio></p><p><a href="http://thepapermacheteshow.com/" target="_blank">The Paper Machete</a>&nbsp;<em>is a weekly live magazine at the Horseshoe in North Center. It's always at 3 p.m., it's always on Saturday, and it's always free. Get all your</em>&nbsp;The Paper Machete Radio Magazine<em>&nbsp;needs filled&nbsp;<a href="http://wbez.org/thepapermachete" target="_blank">here</a>, or download the podcast from iTunes&nbsp;<a href="http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/the-paper-machete-radio-magazine/id450280345" target="_blank">here</a>.</em></p></p> Thu, 01 Mar 2012 17:00:00 -0600 http://www.wbez.org/blog/onstagebackstage/2012-03-01/julia-weiss-imagines-anne-frank-if-she-was-posthumously-baptized-mo Comedian Julia Weiss: Heidi Klum and Seal broke up because Seal is actually a mythical sea creature http://www.wbez.org/blog/onstagebackstage/2012-02-01/comedian-julia-weiss-heidi-klum-and-seal-broke-because-seal-actuall <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/blog/photo/2012-January/2012-01-31/AP1102130110579.jpg" alt="" /><p><p style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" class="caption" height="366" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/blog/insert-image/2012-January/2012-01-31/AP1102130110579.jpg" title="Heidi Klum and Seal in 2005. (AP/Chris Pizzello)" width="512"></p><p>Heidi Klum and Seal prompted gasps last week when they announced they were separating after seven years together.</p><p>The couple said they'd grown apart, but comedian Julia Weiss (playing&nbsp;<em>Us Weekly</em> correspondent "Old Irish Lady")&nbsp;argues that there's more than meets the eye to their break-up: Mainly, she claims that Seal is actually a "selkie," a mythical Scottish sea creature. Read an excerpt or listen below:</p><p><em>The ocean is a world full of life all its own. According to Irish legend, some of that life includes the selkies, seals that come to land and shed their skin to become beautiful humans. Normally they just dance on rocks naked, and then re-skin and go home to the ocean, but sometimes they lose their hide, or their heart, and they're stuck on land, forever searching for the sea.</em></p><p><audio class="mejs mediaelement-formatter-identified-1332727287-1" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/sites/default/files/julia weiss.mp3">&nbsp;</audio></p><p><a href="http://thepapermacheteshow.com/" target="_blank">The Paper Machete</a><em>&nbsp;is a weekly live magazine at the Horseshoe in North Center. It's always at 3 p.m., it's always on Saturday, and it's always free. Get all your</em>&nbsp;The Paper Machete Radio Magazine<em>&nbsp;needs filled&nbsp;<a href="http://wbez.org/thepapermachete" target="_blank">here</a>, or download the podcast from iTunes&nbsp;<a href="http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/the-paper-machete-radio-magazine/id450280345" target="_blank">here</a>.</em></p></p> Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:00:00 -0600 http://www.wbez.org/blog/onstagebackstage/2012-02-01/comedian-julia-weiss-heidi-klum-and-seal-broke-because-seal-actuall