WBEZ | relationships http://www.wbez.org/tags/relationships Latest from WBEZ Chicago Public Radio en How growing up Disney shapes gender roles http://www.wbez.org/blogs/leah-pickett/2013-06/how-growing-disney-shapes-gender-roles-107575 <p><p><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/4396784185_47dfa5c433.jpg" style="height: 400px; width: 400px; float: right; " title="&quot;Once Upon a Wedding&quot; dolls of Ariel and Prince Eric. (Flickr/MadamBrightSide)" />If you are currently between the ages of 18-29, then you were raised during the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disney_Renaissance" target="_blank">Disney Renaissance</a>. This golden era of musical films&mdash;beginning in the late 1980s and ending around 2000&mdash;not only saved Disney from creative and financial ruin, but also renewed interest in the Disney brand as a critical and commerical goldmine.</p><div class="image-insert-image "><div class="image-insert-image ">And if you were a pre-adolescent girl during this time, chances are good that you had a <a href="http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/what-your-favorite-disney-princess-says-about-you/" target="_blank">favorite Disney princess</a>&nbsp;(mine was Ariel, the plucky and impossibly beautiful heroine of <em>The Little Mermaid</em>) whose love affair with a handsome prince may have been your first model of what a grownup boyfriend/girlfriend relationship should be.</div><div class="image-insert-image ">&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">Unfortunately, the fairytale romances in films like <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097757/?ref_=sr_1" target="_blank"><em>The Little Mermaid </em></a>(1989) and&nbsp;<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101414/?ref_=sr_2" target="_blank"><em>Beauty and the Beast&nbsp;</em></a>(1991)&nbsp;actually set very poor examples for young girls to follow. Ariel and Belle are smart and refreshingly independent female protagonists; that is, until they enter into relationships with their male lovers, fall head-over-heels into stereotypically submissive gender roles and lose themselves along the way.&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">While Ariel does have some feminist qualities (she wants to explore, rebel and experience a life beyond the confines of her underwater world), she ultimately succumbs to a subservient role by giving up everything for her man.</div><div class="image-insert-image ">&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">Ariel trades her means of communicating and expressing personality&mdash;her voice&mdash; for the eroticism of human legs, turning her into a purely visual object of desire. Think about it: she literally gives up her voice to be with Prince Eric, even though she&#39;s only known him for about five minutes, to become the perfect mute for the&nbsp;<a href="http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/faq-what-is-the-“male-gaze”/" target="_blank">male gaze</a>.&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">Furthermore, the idea of Eric growing some gills and becoming a merman himself is never even mentioned. Because he is the dominant male, Ariel is expected to change her life for <em>him</em>&mdash;not the other way around. She transitions from being directly under the control of her father to being Eric&#39;s wife; so, despite longing for freedom throughout the course of the film, she is never truly independent.&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">The female protaganist of&nbsp;<em>Beauty and the Beast&nbsp;</em>also ends up conforming to patriarchal gender strereotypes in her &quot;happily ever after,&quot; although she does not begin her story that way. At first glance, Belle&nbsp;is the ideal feminist. She has a passion for books, longs to escape the confines of her provincial town and makes it clear to the lecherous lothario Gaston that she has zero interest in marrying him.</div><div class="image-insert-image ">&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">However, Belle still represents the sexist role of submissive female in relation to her dominant male counterpart. A pretty girl with no money falls for a rich, abusive monster. Belle submits herself to the Beast as the self-sacrifyicing daughter, and then yields to his every command without even trying to escape. This portrayal suggests that women are repsonsible for controlling male anger and violence, even if that means completely disregarding their own sense of safety and well-being.&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">Belle&#39;s character further presents a damaging role model for young girls in showing that a woman is obligated to stay loyal to the abusive male in her life. She learns how to tame his outbursts and &quot;fix&quot; him to become sweet again: a dangerous error that many women make when struggling to leave a home of domestic violence.&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">Also, the overly-sexualized, <a href="http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Society/2011/0924/Little-girls-or-little-women-The-Disney-princess-effect" target="_blank">anorexic Barbie doll image</a> of Disney princesses like Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas and even Tiana from <em>The Princess and the Frog</em> is another problem of gender conformity (the most beautiful and desirable women have perfectly delicate features, tiny waists, huge busoms, etc.) that Disney continues to perpetuate today.</div><div class="image-insert-image ">&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">For example, while Pixar made great progress in writing the female protagonist of <em>Brave </em>as a courageous and self-actualized heroine whose journey doesn&#39;t revolve around a man (how refreshing!), the controversial decision to <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2013/may/16/disney-princess-merida-makeover">&quot;glamorize&quot; Merida&#39;s body type</a> for promotional purposes still proves that sexist ideology is alive and well at the Disney corporation.&nbsp;</div></div><div class="image-insert-image ">&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">What kind of role models should children be looking up to in Disney movies and beyond?&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image ">&nbsp;</div><div class="image-insert-image "><em>Leah Pickett writes about popular culture for WBEZ. Follow her on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/leahkristinepickett" target="_blank">Facebook</a>, <a href="https://twitter.com/leahkpickett" target="_blank">Twitter</a> or<a href="http://hermionehall.tumblr.com" target="_blank"> Tumblr</a>.</em></div></p> Fri, 07 Jun 2013 09:00:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/leah-pickett/2013-06/how-growing-disney-shapes-gender-roles-107575 List: Questions that get all women horny http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2013-05/list-questions-get-all-women-horny-107278 <p><p dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-611c1eea-c3bc-5f17-fc77-121e36ca0b59"><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/2651951457_6b082c73b6.jpg" style="float: right; height: 450px; width: 300px;" title="Flickr/Rob Gallop" /><em>This list was inspired by a spam email I keep getting titled &quot;Three questions that make every women horny,&quot; so in case you&rsquo;re my dad or someone like him, I don&rsquo;t even know what the word &quot;horny&quot; means, OK?</em></p><p>I put all the dishes away, is that OK?</p><p>You mean to tell me that you are actually 13 years older than you appear? Is it possible that I could even be more attracted to you than I was initially?</p><p>Do you mind if I just take care of the laundry? There is a certain way that I like to do it.</p><p>Will it bother you if I scratch your head for a while? &nbsp;</p><p>Don&rsquo;t you think you need a new pair of boots to really pull that outfit together?</p><p>That dinner was so delicious, will you please make it for me again? Scratch that. Will you share the recipe with me and I&rsquo;ll just make it myself in the near future, with possible riffs and improvements?</p><p>How can it be that you&rsquo;ve said something so insightful when you just said something even more witty before that and are likely to blow my mind again momentarily?</p><p>Do all female celebrities know how inferior they are to you?</p><p>Did you recently lose weight and/or gain muscle?</p><p><em>Follow Claire Zulkey&nbsp;<a href="https://twitter.com/Zulkey">@Zulkey</a></em></p></p> Tue, 21 May 2013 08:58:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/claire-zulkey/2013-05/list-questions-get-all-women-horny-107278 Philosophy and Sex http://www.wbez.org/blogs/bez/2013-02/philosophy-and-sex-105392 <p><div class="image-insert-image "><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/love-images-wallpaper.jpg" style="height: 388px; width: 620px;" title="Philosophy and Sex (dailyscreens.com)" /></div><p>Arguably, Alain De Botton is the most widely read English language philosopher in the world. In fact, if you take into account how many languages his books have been translated into, he is perhaps the single most popularly read philosopher in the world today.</p><p>A big part of his popularity is that he has published on topics that are part of everyone&rsquo;s lives: anxiety, travel, architecture, religion and work. And now he has turned his attention to a topic that has been a &ldquo;source of needless neurotic frustration for most of human history&rdquo; &ndash; sex!</p><p>De Botton&rsquo;s new book, <em>How To Think More About Sex</em>, is not a sex manual that offers (philosophical?) insights on how to have more intense and better sex. Rather, it is a series of reflections on the general complexity of life and how all of us, to some degree or another, are unhappy with or unfulfilled in our sex lives. The goal of the book is to help us feel &ldquo;a little less painfully strange about the sex we are either longing to have or struggling to avoid.&rdquo;</p><p>Frankly, this is not a book I would give my wife, partner or lover on Valentine&rsquo;s Day. De Botton&rsquo;s thesis &ndash; though thoughtful and more than a little correct &ndash; is a downer.</p><p>Although De Botton recognizes that sex can be satisfying, sensational, and even transcendent, most of the time, he claims, it is pedestrian, purely functional or disappointing. To be fair, De Botton&rsquo;s argues that the problem isn&rsquo;t sex per se. Rather, he maintains that the demands and complexities of life make &ldquo;great sex&rdquo; hard to achieve &ndash; because we are all too busy, too engaged, too overwhelmed by too many other things in life.</p><p>Normal life, suggests De Botton, is the enemy of &ldquo;cupidity&rdquo; (eager desire). Work, children, responsibilities, stress, anxiety, drugs, alcohol, and the unavoidable loss of intimacy that is part of all long-term relationships equals the &ldquo;death of lust&rdquo; and the end of desire.</p><p>Sadly, De Botton seems to be in agreement with Goethe when he said: &ldquo;Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.&rdquo; However, I choose to take away a different lesson from this book.</p><p>Rather than just offer us a comical and negative interpretation of sex and love, I think De Botton is offering us a cautionary tale. To wit: The most difficult task in life is getting like, love and lust all in one relationship.</p></p> Wed, 13 Feb 2013 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/bez/2013-02/philosophy-and-sex-105392 Are Mommy and me meant to be...BFF? http://www.wbez.org/blogs/bez/2012-05/are-mommy-and-me-meant-bebff-99057 <p><p>A recent <em>New York </em>magazine <a href="http://nymag.com/news/features/mother-daughter-best-friends-2012-4/" target="_blank">article</a> sparked an interesting conversation about the often complicated relationship between mothers and their daughters. The piece, titled, “My Mom Is My BFF,” profiled a mother and daughter so close that mom stays in touch with her daughter’s exes. Their story, experts say, is not unique—but it left many wondering: Should mothers and daughters be best buds?</p><p>I consider my mother a dear, albeit deeply disturbed, friend. She didn’t appeal to me—friend wise—until I was through those awkward tween years. But she was very quick—too quick, really—to say, “I’m not your friend, I’m your mother.</p><p>Harsh? Sure. Cruel? I’m still working through that. But after reading the <em>New York</em> magazine article, I wondered whether our relationship had become friendlier, me being a grown-a$# woman and all.&nbsp; So I thought I’d begin a dialog with my mother that mirrored one I might have with a friend—inappropriate and via text.</p><div class="image-insert-image "><div class="image-insert-image "><div class="image-insert-image "><img alt="" class="image-original_image" src="http://www.wbez.org/system/files/styles/original_image/llo/insert-images/Mother%20Dearest_0_0.png" style="width: 300px; height: 682px; float: left;" title="">I think we can all agree that this experiment backfired—touché Mommy Dearest, touché.</div></div></div><p>My mother, after all, is a Baby Boomer. And she was certainly more lenient, warm and friendly than her own mother. Boomers, social psychologist <a href="http://www.susannewmanphd.com/wordpress/" target="_blank">Dr. Susan Newman</a> says, rejected their parents domineering, authoritative style and vowed to give their children space—they weren’t going to be so strict and cold; they were much more permissive.</p><p>“After that,” Newman told me, “we got into what I call, ‘everyone wanting to raise star children.”</p><p>Meet the Momager. More broadly referred to as helicopter parents—young, new parents who aim to control and design every aspect of their child’s life: She’ll play the violin, and speak Mandarin between tennis matches and pageants and her androgynous name will throw off future employers—and agents of course.</p><p>Despite its current popularity in our culture—and on reality television—Newman does think this trend will ebb; and that like most relationships, the mother-daughter connection evolves throughout its lifetime. And that it’s healthy and rewarding for parents to become their child’s friend—once they are independent, mature adults. So perhaps I’ve got some room to grow on that last bit.</p><p>But enough about me—what do you think? As we prepare to celebrate mothers this weekend, <em>Afternoon Shift </em>explores our evolving roles and relationships we have with mothers—mother and daughter, mother and son, mother and husband, all of it!</p><p>MJ Tam, lead blogger for <a href="http://thechicagomoms.com/" target="_blank">thechicagomoms.com</a>, and Dr. Newman join Steve Edwards for this conversation—join them! Call <strong>312-923-9239</strong> or find us on Twitter at #AfternoonShift.</p><p>Oh, and Mom—pick up some singles at the bank: you can never have too many friends. Happy Mother’s Day to all the cool moms out there!</p><p style="text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/qde83d7-urM" frameborder="0" height="315" width="560"></iframe></p></p> Fri, 11 May 2012 13:02:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/blogs/bez/2012-05/are-mommy-and-me-meant-bebff-99057 Why are so few Japanese seeking relationships and sexual partners? http://www.wbez.org/episode-segments/2012-01-18/why-are-so-few-japanese-seeking-relationships-and-sexual-partners-95622 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/segment/photo/2012-January/2012-01-18/japan3.jpg" alt="" /><p><p>Japan has one of the lowest birth rates in the world. Thus, every five years, the Japanese government conducts a study on attitudes toward sex and marriage.</p><p>Recent findings suggest that the birth rate will probably continue to plummet. The reason? Compared to societies around the world, the Japanese aren’t having sex -- as much as a quarter of all unmarried men and women have never even had sex. What's more, many Japanese say they do not want a partner. According to one report&nbsp; 90 percent of young Japanese women said they preferred to stay single.&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://www.cla.purdue.edu/asian-studies/directory/index.cfm?p=Daniel_Aldrich" target="_blank">Daniel Aldrich</a> is a professor of political science at Purdue University who focuses on Japan. He tells <em>Worldview</em> what the government survey reveals about society, and sexuality, in Japan.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p></p> Wed, 18 Jan 2012 16:35:00 -0600 http://www.wbez.org/episode-segments/2012-01-18/why-are-so-few-japanese-seeking-relationships-and-sexual-partners-95622 Survey reveals many Japanese are skipping sex http://www.wbez.org/episode-segments/2012-01-18/survey-reveals-many-japanese-are-skipping-sex-95620 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/segment/photo/2012-January/2012-01-18/japan2.jpg" alt="" /><p><p>In Japan, not much is happening between the sheets in many marriages. And it’s not necessarily that different for single people, either.</p><p>According to a recent government survey on attitudes toward sex and marriage, one in four unmarried Japanese men has never ever had sex. Twenty five percent of women between 35 and 39 have also never had sex.</p><p>Chie Ohlsson is originally from Kobe, Japan but moved to the U.S. in 1999. She's married to an American but makes frequent trips back to Japan for her marketing job. Chie tells <em>Worldview</em> why the government's findings don't really surprise her.</p></p> Wed, 18 Jan 2012 16:29:00 -0600 http://www.wbez.org/episode-segments/2012-01-18/survey-reveals-many-japanese-are-skipping-sex-95620 Filmmaker Wendy Jo Carlton tackles young love in Chicago with a musical twist http://www.wbez.org/episode-segments/2011-10-27/filmmaker-wendy-jo-carlton-tackles-young-love-chicago-musical-twist-9353 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/segment/photo/2011-October/2011-10-27/5090559219_66a18d01d9_b.jpg" alt="" /><p><p>Chicago-based director <a href="http://site.wendyjocarlton.com/" target="_blank">Wendy Jo Carlton</a> has always loved a good love stories: Her 2009 film <a href="http://hannahfree.com/" target="_blank"><em>Hannah Free</em></a> chronicled a lifelong love affair between two women as one nears the end of her life. Her latest film took a lighter look at love. <a href="http://jamieandjessie.com/" target="_blank"><em>Jamie And Jessie Are Not Together,</em></a> shot in Chicago, explores the relationship between two close friends. Is theirs' a romantic love or friendship? <em>Eight Forty-Eight</em> recently sat down with director Wendy Jo Carlton and actress <a href="http://jessicalondon-shields.com/" target="_blank">Jessica London-Shields</a>, who plays Jessie.<em> Jamie and Jessie Are Not Together</em> makes its Chicago debut Friday at the <a href="http://www.siskelfilmcenter.org/" target="_blank">Gene Siskel Film Center</a>.</p></p> Thu, 27 Oct 2011 15:04:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/episode-segments/2011-10-27/filmmaker-wendy-jo-carlton-tackles-young-love-chicago-musical-twist-9353 Writer Rita Coburn Whack reflects on wisdom of her mother http://www.wbez.org/episode-segments/2011-05-06/writer-rita-coburn-whack-reflects-wisdom-her-mother-86154 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/segment/photo/2011-May/2011-05-06/Mom in 60&#039;s.jpg" alt="" /><p><p>Many folks will be celebrating Mother's Day on Sunday. But the mother-child bond can be a complicated relationship, one that waxes and wanes over time. In anticipation of this Mother’s Day, writer Rita Coburn Whack reflected on her mother’s wisdom and the many stages of their relationship.&nbsp;</p><p>Rita Coburn Whack is a writer in Chicago.</p><p><em>Adulture's Music Button: Scott K &amp; Cole Medina vs. James Brown, "I'm Satisfied," I'm Satisfied 12" (Phonica Records)</em></p></p> Fri, 06 May 2011 14:07:00 -0500 http://www.wbez.org/episode-segments/2011-05-06/writer-rita-coburn-whack-reflects-wisdom-her-mother-86154 Art “Chat Daddy” Sims offers advice for the lovelorn http://www.wbez.org/episode-segments/2011-02-14/art-%E2%80%9Cchat-daddy%E2%80%9D-sims-offers-advice-lovelorn-82299 <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://llnw.wbez.org/flower heart_getty.JPG" alt="" /><p><p>We&rsquo;re still months away from summer, but Valentine&rsquo;s Day is here &ndash; so you better get ready to turn up the heat! You might be in love.&nbsp;You might be looking.&nbsp;Either way the romantic road can be rocky.<br /><br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Art-Chat-Daddy-Sims/293285343239">Art &ldquo;Chat Daddy&rdquo; Sims</a> used to write a relationship column in the <em>Chicago Defender</em>. Nowadays, you can catch him as a entertainment contributor for WCIU, The U. Chat Daddy joined <em>Eight Forty-Eight</em> to give listeners advice in the love department.</p></p> Mon, 14 Feb 2011 15:02:00 -0600 http://www.wbez.org/episode-segments/2011-02-14/art-%E2%80%9Cchat-daddy%E2%80%9D-sims-offers-advice-lovelorn-82299