News Headline: "World Eskimo-Indian Olympics kicks off." Wait. Wrong one. Sorry.

News Headline: "The latest tweets about the Colorado 'Dark Knight Rises' shooting." News Headline: "The Colorado shooting aftermath: A slide show." Give us time. We'll have this completely trivialized in another few days.

News Headline: "Obama orders U.S. flags flown at half-staff until July 25 as 'mark of respect' for 12 shooting victims in Colorado." The United States averages 25 gun homicides a day. Men, women and children. So why not just keep the flag at half-staff?

QT Summer Travel Advisory: Thirteen days remain until the Aadi Festival in Mahadanapuram, India, during which a temple priest breaks coconuts over the heads of followers. There is no truth to reports that followers leaving the ceremony can be heard expressing a sudden interest in President Obama's birth certificate.

News Headline: "Romney 'retired retroactively' from Bain Capital." If you come in late for work some morning, tell the boss you are arriving retroactively and already have a lot of work done. And let QT know how it works out, will you?

News Headline: "Study finds young adults suffering from 'news fatigue.' " News Headline: "Poll: Fewer young people plan to vote this November." Of course not. The poor things are fatigued.

News Headline: "FBI rounds up 100 alleged pimps." When is our government going to stop interfering with job creators?