Your NPR news source

Dennis O'Toole for Lieutenant Governor

SHARE Dennis O'Toole for Lieutenant Governor

We turn now to writer Dennis O'Toole, for another vision of the office of Lieutenant Governor. We're not endorsing his take – just passing along the message. Dennis O'Toole is a writer and comedian in Chicago.

My Fellow Illinoisans. I would be humbled if you would consider me, Dennis Patrick O'Toole for Lt. Gov. Why me? Do I sound too good looking to run for public office? Probably.

But, please. Listen as I tell you my credentials over Aaron Copeland's fanfare for the common man.

I have never knowingly smoked steroids.

I can read, add, and subtract.

Compared to most men, I have dated very, very few prostitutes. Probably less than ten, but definitely more than nine.

Im a daily communicant in the Roman Catholic Church, except for Saturdays when I am front-and-center at the synagogue.

Though I am not a veteran of the armed forces, I do have a bald eagle decal on the back window of my pick-up truck. The eagle is in profile against an American flag. The flag is arrested in mid-wave. The eagle looks intelligent and determined, for a bird. And I assume its a dude-has one tear dangling from his eye as he remembers the Americans who sacrificed what another great Illinoisan called, "The last full measure of devotion." If this does not say "I love America," then I have a bumper sticker that flat out says "I love America."

I hardly invented crack.

I am not currently in jail. And if everything goes right next week, I will not be in jail during the general election in November.

The choice is yours, Illinois. You can let the Democratic State Central Committee pick another insider, or you can demand that they pick an outsider. You can demand real change. You can demand someone who is not a professional politician, someone not sullied by the ways of Springfield, and someone who is not even sure who the Republican nominee is. That someone is Dennis Patrick OToole, candidate for Lt. Governor. The son of immigrants, at least in a figurative sense. A self-made man who found his fortune the American way as a temp. A man untainted by scandal and corruption, at least because he is not yet worth bribing.

DENNIS O'TOOLE. I like saying my own name. DENNIS O'TOOLE. And when you vote this November, please say that name aloud in the ballot box. Assuming, that is, we have voice activated ballots this November.

I'm Dennis O'Toole and I approve my message.

Music Button: Mr. Scruff, "Travelogue", from the CD Keep It Unreal, (Ninja Tune)

More From This Show