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My outgoing message is an NPR Rorschach test

From Wikipedia:

The Rorschach test (also known as the Rorschach inkblot test or simply the Inkblot test) is a psychological test in which subjects’ perceptions of inkblots are recorded and then analyzed using psychological interpretation, complex scientifically derived algorithms, or both. Some psychologists use this test to examine a person’s personality characteristics and emotional functioning. It has been employed to detect an underlying thought disorder, especially in cases where patients are reluctant to describe their thinking processes openly. The test takes its name from that of its creator, Swiss psychologist Hermann Rorschach.

The outgoing message on my office phone is L-O-N-G. Like three and a half minutes long. It is designed to answer as many of the multitudes of questions I receive every day regarding Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me tickets. It’s a little snarky, very informative and I get a host of reactions left after folks listen to the whole thing. I’ve decided that those responses can be used to “examine a person’s personality characteristics and emotional functioning.” VOICEMAIL #1: ”...[click]” The most common response. Listen and hang up. This tendency indicates that the caller was seeking information only, received it and felt no need to expound. Personality type is within the 75th percentile of average WBEZ listeners and are highly likely to be someone who lives within the Chicago city limits. Also, apparently they have no issues with authority. VOICEMAIL #2: “That was a delightful message - how funny and informative! I’m not sure if you answered my question, though...” This person feels the need to please. Perhaps by offering me a compliment on my delightful-ness, he/she hopes to gain favor and get tickets for free. Personality type is within the 22nd percentile of average WBEZ listeners, probably live in the suburbs or a midwestern state, and has cats. VOICEMAIL #3: ”...a**hole...” This person has an entitlement chip on his/her shoulder. Is likely to treat waiters and baristas like his/her own personal servants and is often surprised and angry that people don’t recognize him/her on the street. Thinks that buses are late just to spite him/her. Personality type is within the 4th percentile of WBEZ listeners, could be from anywhere but resents the implication that geography has anything to do with anything and is still mad at WBEZ because his/her favorite show was moved or canceled and lets the volunteer phone person know it every pledge drive as he/she grudgingly donates money to the station.

* by the way - I have no idea whatsoever what all the percentile talk is but it sounds very official so go with it...

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