Heidi Klum and Seal prompted gasps last week when they announced they were separating after seven years together.

The couple said they’d grown apart, but comedian Julia Weiss (playing Us Weekly correspondent “Old Irish Lady”) argues that there’s more than meets the eye to their break-up: Mainly, she claims that Seal is actually a “selkie,” a mythical Scottish sea creature. Read an excerpt or listen below:

The ocean is a world full of life all its own. According to Irish legend, some of that life includes the selkies, seals that come to land and shed their skin to become beautiful humans. Normally they just dance on rocks naked, and then re-skin and go home to the ocean, but sometimes they lose their hide, or their heart, and they’re stuck on land, forever searching for the sea.

The Paper Machete is a weekly live magazine at the Horseshoe in North Center. It’s always at 3 p.m., it’s always on Saturday, and it’s always free. Get all your The Paper Machete Radio Magazine needs filled here, or download the podcast from iTunes here.