Why would you slash tires of a parade float? That just seems like the lamest form of vandalism in the history of vandalism. It’s like the vandals had a bigger plan that was thwarted when one of them didn’t bring glue or something. What a joke. It’s the parade float equivalent to when someone just bashes car windows on a side street.  And if it was hate related? Your one pocket knife stab was intended to affect thousands of people, if not hundreds of thousands. God complex, much? You suck.

It’s also slightly humorous that parade organizers act like the news of the vandalism spread overnight so that’s why record crowds came out. It’s like they flashed the rainbow colored Batman signal and a billion people came out.

But big ups to the police for handling the alleged record crowds. Well, the cops with pants on. 

So Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel was front and center at the parade yesterday. That’s quite a departure. Daley rarely came to the Pride parade. As a matter of fact, I think it was once? To give Daley credit, he was the first sitting mayor to lead the parade. But if Emanuel shows up again next year? I think he will set a record.

B story: Governor Quinn is announcing new traffic safety law today! It’s all about the backseat, Benjamin. Quinn is announcing that if you are in the backseat, you need to buckle up. Unless you are in a taxi or your car is in reverse. So that’s what the state is working on today. Slow news week, y’all?

C story: The Sun-Times reports today that former Mayor Richard M. Daley is getting over $180k a year for his pension. In his time in office, he paid in about $400k. He’s 69 years old, so if Daley lives another 20 years, he will bank about $2 mil in city pension. Ahhh, that’s why you become Mayor. 

D story: Who knew: They still do mall appearances. I guess Selena Gomez (no relation to Selena, the slain pop star from the 90s) was at Orland Square in Orland Park. Kids went crazy for the squeaky clean future Mrs. Beiber. She’s promoting a new movie in which she steals someone else’s identity and lives the high life. If this were real life, she’d be looking at 10-20 hard labor.

Weather: Stop raining.

Sports: The Dodgers are bankrupt. Hey, our squads might be struggling, but at least we don’t have to sell our stuff. 

Adam Dunn struck out for his 100th time over the weekend. Boo.

And in other news, a fascinating family feud erupted in the paper over former Illini Freshman Jereme Richmond. He left the school to enter the NBA draft, but analysts scratched their head at the move because he scored 8 points a game last year. Well, he didn’t get drafted. So now the finger pointing begins. The uncle blamed an Illini coach for bad info. The dad came out afterward and said that the uncle is really the family’s crazy uncle and that everyone loves the Illini.  So who is to blame for the failed attempt to make the NBA? The family? The player? The coaches? The Illini? It’s definitely a combination, because you don’t see Duke players coming out early and facing this humiliation. So somewhere, somehow, someone screwed up.

Kicker: Okay, enough sports. Let’s instead focus on architecture. This viral post gives us an inside look at a Taco Bell in the 1980s.